#maybe give me one tiny compliment for the art that i thought was really cool looking

[i-am-just-a-skeleton]

wish you could turn off likes on specific posts like i don't give a shit please reblog my art or just fuck offf

maybe i should just set it so likes don't show up in the activity notifications. but i like seeing them for other posts :/

idk it just annoys me. what's the point. stupid shit gets way more attention that art people don't fucking care It Was good Art! is some of the best stuff i've done i thought but no one fucking caresss the stupid crayon doodles that took five minutes got more notes why do i even bother posting it

[twistednuns]

February 2024

Waking up after a dream inspired by the movie Poor Things. Inserting your brain into a younger body. Living in oblivion until one day somebody shows up to break the news to you. That you've lived another lifetime before and you have to be reminded of who you were, what you knew.

Drawing the gorgeous Sharing card, resonating with it right away. The Queen of Fire is designed in my colours and shapes. She is me.

Sketching something. Loving every line.

Eating a thick soup with tiny noodles and semolina dumplings for breakfast.

Jamie Lee Curtis' guest appearance in The Bear. She's almost unrecognizable. Oh, and Olivia Coleman's, too!

Something finally falling into place: I've been searching for a new wallet for a while now and suddenly a memory of my grandma's old Aigner checkbook popped into my head. And it was the perfect solution. What an amazing local brand! I discovered that there is a store nearby and shopping there was quite the experience. I felt very fancy. And they put so much thought into the product design! Perfect little boxes and everything is so elegant. I also got their classic leather belt.

Organising a SingStar evening. I love how easygoing, welcoming and gentle Felix is. Being weird with Robert. And Ben, my boo. We love each other's colours and he really does give the best compliments (he said that I've got such great taste and always look stylish). Cuddles, leveling up our friendship in a way. Being more at ease around each other.

Car conversations with Luna.

A feeling of having leveled up again; I seem to attract abundance (on a material level). But maybe that's just confirmation bias.

Accepting defeat when I was wrong, following advice.

The moonrise. I love how big and yellow the moon seems when it's hanging low over the horizon.

Liquid Love: sliding over/around/under/on top of each other - blindfolded, naked and covered in oil. I loved touching squishy, chubby body parts. Very sensual and immersive. I wasn't really present in the room anymore and tried to feel rather than think. Cuddle puddle afterwards. I got close to Chili and Daniel (whose toe I accidentally hurt before the event and it felt quite healing that he came close to me and initiated touch) and Christian surprised me with his tongue when I wasn't paying attention.

Interesting effects of Kundalini Yoga: waking up crying from a very emotional, nightmare-ish dream. Feeling so heavy, sluggish, overwhelmed, tired. It's not entirely positive but it's so interesting how much energy seems to be moved here?

An ex-student reaching out to me because she needed a letter of recommendation for an international college.

Walking through the forest with C., scouting a treasure hunt route. Keeping calm despite his weird mood. Staying present, observing.

A surprisingly calm museum visit with my class. And when we went to Pinakothek der Moderne I was happy how much fun some of them seemed to have experimenting, talking about art. I found some interesting works by Max Ernst and set the intention come back again soon, alone. Even just the large, empty building with the high ceilings has a soothing effect on me.

Biting into a slice of moist, warm black olive ciabatta.

Cooking actual food with vegetables I had at home and having fruit for dessert instead of getting trash food on the way home after coming home from work in a bad mood. So much more nourishing. I'm proud of myself for realising I have to be the person I want to become. Now.

Peeling off last post-it before the cool colour scheme finally started. Orange, yellow, purple.

Picking up C. from labour court. Meeting his friend Benni who discussed leftist concepts and utopian ideas with me over lunch. I felt really good when I realised that it was easy for me to follow his train of thought and that I'd missed intellectual conversation.

Connecting with C. Spending time together, walking through a furniture design store. Spicy time and a long afternoon nap. Talking about our triggers and therapy experience. I realised how much fear of failure (and success?) I have, how vulnerable my ego is when it comes to art and doing something new. Even just writing an application for a job I'm not officially qualified for scared the shit out of me. Impostor syndrom? C. still wants me to write a page from my imaginary novel for him and all I can think about is why I can't do it. And he suggested that I could study psychology. I'm intrigued and yet... Why is this so hard? What's holing me back?

Staying calm when I had to call roadside assistance twice in one afternoon. My car broke down in the middle of a busy street with three lanes. I simply accepted my fate and asked for help (and that might actually be the lesson I have to learn from all this).

Reaching out to Andrea. Finally meeting Kosta the cat.

A dream: Sarah as Ganesha with a giant elephant trunk. Facial tattoos: red, black and green symbols and ornaments. Massive, moving, heavy. I woke up from an imaginary alarm sound. Did I really dream up an alarm clock? Wow. And just in time for my appointment, too.

New Moon Aquarius promises a career breakthrough for Taureans. Let's hope for the best.

Something very banal: having kitchen roll at home for a change. I took one home when we had too many after a Slutering event and remembered that I could just... wipe something off without worrying about getting the rag dirty and having to wash it! Nice.

One of the best weeks of my life: a Hero's Journey seminar during the spring holidays. Going in with no expectations, receiving everything and more. I learned so much about myself. Activated my emotional side and practised feeling. I appreciate all those people who acted as my mirrors by sharing their vulnerability, being their authentic selves. We supported each other, learned from each other, celebrated each other. I'm thinking about becoming a Gestalt therapist now. It's such a great somatic method. And fun, too.

Cuddles. Conversations. Choking. And massages. / Seriously though, I asked Ralf to show me his Brazilian Jiu Jitsu choke hold and I travelled to another dimension for a few minutes. It got me GO high. On another note: I realised I want to channel my aggression and lust in a healthy way. Perhapy BJJ training is a good option. Let's fight!

My hero outfit. A golden robe. A glitter mask. Starburst earrings. Black wings. So me.

"Boundaries are not the same thing as walls." - such an important insight. I started journalling in German. Automatically. I'm taking off masks, tearing down walls. Perhaps I don't need the protection of a foreign language anymore. I can feel my own cringey words now. I allow myself to be seen without make-up. I try to show up as the person I really am. I won't hold back anymore.

An intuitive painting I made with buttery crayons on kraft paper. Swirly. Like a weird map of a cozy corner somewhere in the Universe.

Stickers from Franzi's friend: Sailor Moon characters fighting the patriarchy and nazis.

I feel so much love for the people in my group, especially Ralf and Teresa of course, but also Franzi, Frank and Feli. The F-gang. And for all the wonderful people in my life. I appreaciate Christian so much. The ideal balance between freedom and support. He expands my horizon in many ways and I love how he naturally includes me in his family life, his friend group. It feels so good to be a part of something. To be included. And at the same time, I'm free to do my own thing. Meet other people, follow my bliss. He actively encourages it.

I'm relaxed and happy. With this new mindset, even teaching feels easier. I'm more gentle with myself. I follow my impulses. I hope this state of being stays with me for a long time.

Ralf. I'm so grateful I met him. He helped me so much with his observation that I need someone to be gentle with me. His daddy energy. His wild playfulness. His Gemini communication mode. I loved that I was able to pay him back with some mum energy when I shipped his dirty laundry off to Jena. I included a heartfelt letter and the Exploding Kittens card game. I felt like a giddy teenager for a whole day when he implied that he's attracted to me too. I really hadn't noticed. We've been talking, flirting, messaging daily for a week now. So far none of us seems to be bored. I'm looking forward to our reunion!

Teresa. What a lovely human being. I connected with her right away. She's so intelligent, shares my passion for language. And she's so warm, empathic, benevolent, supportive. I ended up talking to her about my idea for a career coaching and she went all in right away. We even might work together. And maybe, just maybe, we're gonna record a podcast together. Even if just to amuse our Heroes messenger group.

I learned that I have a guest appearance in a fun song: Ich wollte doch nur knutschen auf der Party / Sie war gut gelaunt und ihr Name war Kathi / Das Netzwerk ging kaputt und ich musste das klären / Und Kathi hat geknutscht, aber leider mit Sören - Knutschen

More music: making a playlist for Teresa's ride home. And Ralf shared Wann strahlst du?. It's grown on me. The lyrics are everything. Highly relevant for my current state: Ich schulde dem Leben das Leuchten in meinen Augen

Acting in a much more loving way with old friends. Supporting them; touching, hugging, praising them.

Knowing the answers to two sports questions at the pub quiz.

Tuning in with my sonic toothbrush. I chanted and hummed, finally harmonized and changed my pitch. It sounded lovely and reminded my of our RAM chants during morning meditation.

Spending time in the "demon cave" with Lian. Playing airplane. Playing hard. We both loved to be wild - C. was not that amused because he wanted to concentrate on his chess app. But I also started being more gentle with the boy, cuddle him. I've got a feeling that he needs both modes.

"Freiheiten werden nicht geschenkt, man muss sie sich nehmen." - a random flyer on a lamppost, right when I walked past it, back to school, recording a voice message about... exactly that. The synchronicities are back! Life feels magical.

An insanely happy and productive day with the help of Yeli's Finest 50. I was so proud of myself because I even did things I'd been putting off for months. It finally felt right to contact Haus der Kunst and ZEIT Sprachen and ask them for an internship. Things are moving. It's happening. It's coming along. Doors are opening.

Meeting my new osteopath for the first time. I enjoyed his healing, intimate touch while we were talking about all my topics. And I love that we have so much in common. He used to be a civil servant to be able to afford his studies, is a voice actor now, has recently travelled to all my favourite places in Mexico. I'm looking forward to my next appointment.

I finally got a big box of passion fruit from the tree I adopted last year. What a fragrant delivery.

Meeting Becky, learning from each other. Enriching and entertaining as usual.

Finally getting my closet in order. Folding everything, donating a few items, clearing out another shelf to have more room for clothes. What took me so long? / Listening to WILLOW's music throughout the process. It's growing on me: I think I left my consciousness in the sixth dimension

Biting into a physalis thinking Life is delicious.

Saturday afternoon at Haus der Kunst with Sash. Walking through freaky environments, taking pictures of each other. Playing in a room full of feathers. Browsing the avantgarde bookstore. I got a postcard of a Hilma af Klint Altar piece.

Watching Lord of the Rings at C.'s place with his friend Jenny. Spicy morning routine, breakfast with his friends. A stopover at a LEGO church. Spending the whole afternoon soaking in warm water at Therme Bad Aibling. Eating the first ice-cream of the year in the sunshine. Cooking dinner together, talking in bed for a long time.

Ralf cancelled his weekend plans and invited me to Jena. We already have tickets for the planetarium. Really looking forward to seeing him! I've loved learning more and more about him in the past few days. We are so similar!

Something very simple but SO pleasurable: boiled potatoes with salt and butter.

Alex Ava taking two ballroom tickets off my hands when I had to change my plans.

[dourpeep]

IT WAS 2AM WHEN I SENT THAT SO I HELD BACK MY SIMPING FOR COLLEGE ALBEDO A LITTLE. tried not to send all my brainrot so I didn't just send a wall of text into your inbox LOL. Some others I thought of were:

- Mona giving astrology forecasts and compatibility readings in this au and Albedo may have asked her about the two of you

- Going to botanical gardens or museums with Albedo but for some reason it feels like a date even when it didn't intent to be. You tug on his sleeve now and then when you see something he might be interested in or even when it's something that excites you, and Albedo can't help but have a soft look in his eyes that he can share this moment with you! Somehow it results in the two of you holding hands - just so neither of you stray from each other of course - and eventually, intertwined fingers. You hear someone say that the two of you seem like a cute couple and you know Albedo heard it too, but neither of you say anything. You feel his hand squeeze yours a little tighter and respond in kind. The two of you are too embarrassed to look at each other but can't help the smiles on your faces.

- Lending Albedo some of your favourite books for pleasure reading and you've left tiny tabs on lines that you like. Perhaps this is before Albedo realizes his feelings so when he reads particularly romantic lines, he wonders if this is how he feels about you. Or did you mark these pages because you feel this way about someone? His stomach is in knots to the thought that you may be intrested in someone that isn't him and he settles for it just being prose.

WHAT YOU WROTE WAS SO CUTE AAA. THANK YOU FOR SIMPING FOR COLLEGE BEDO WITH ME!!

Tugging his hand and not letting go omg . . . you tend to just intertwine pinkies or play with his fingers absent-mindedly that Albedo becomes so accustomed to it so he starts to offer you his hands without a second thought.

WAIT. I gasped at Albedo being a cuddler. He's a little delirious when he first wakes up but you're so comfy that he hugs you a little tighter, asking if you've slept well. You try to reply while worrying about whether or not he can feel your heart thrumming in your chest.

What if Klee is staying with Albedo one night and the three of you fall asleep cuddled up together. Alice comes back early in the morning before any of you are awake and takes a picture. She sends it to Albedo later and he sets it as his phone's wallpaper.

Albedo staring at your lips winded me, thank you.

YES TO THE SWEATERS. I bet Albedo would have the softest and coziest sweaters too! Imagine it being a little cold out and you see Albedo across campus so you bound over to him and give him a hug. You nuzzle into him and mumble out a little 'hello' and say he's warm. You feel his laugh rumble through his chest while he greets you back, wrapping his arms around you

And I LOVE ALL YOUR HEADCANONS! I believe I found your blog around the time you posted Albedo's snort headcanon and it was too much for my heart!! I held tight to that headcanon and never let go lol. I also thought the science + college headcanons you had of him were really nice despite not being necessarily romantic!

Side note: I looked up that lobster fact and that's so cool!!

The Lobster Fact(tm) is my go-to ice breaker and it always fails. I'd imagine it's normally the same w/ Bedo OTL so sad...not many wish to know about potential lobster immortality.

I'm glad that you love the headcanons though!! I enjoy writing for Albedo so so much as you can tell ehe

That being said--if it makes you more comfy to send stuff in a few bursts of asks, I don't mind :DD I'll answer them as usual nodnod

OKIE DOKIE

-

"...Mona, yes?"

"Ah, I was expecting you to come around sooner or later, Kreideprinz."

Really, Albedo didn't mean to stumble upon the Astronomy major, but for some reason the thought of you has been on his mind and the campus' observatory just so happened to be on the way. With the meager hope that...maybe he'd find some sort of answer (in what, he wasn't really sure himself), there she was.

Luckily, she knew just what he was there for.

The moment that she twirls her hand with a wave, telling him that there isn't anything to worry about, the apprehension creeping within his chest at the thought of seeing you next-

disappeared.

It's not often that he turns to less orthodox methods, but he wouldn't lie. Knowing that--at least in Mona's opinion (which tended to be correct, anyway)--the two of you were undoubtly compatible? Something about how your constellations were intertwined...

In fact, Albedo turns a little theory around in his mind. Though based in old folktales, the idea that you gravitate towards those who are made of the very same stardust as yourself, suddenly made sense.

Or, perhaps he was just being hopeful.

-

Little does he know that you most definitely asked Mona about the same thing earlier that day.

-

AHHHHH BUT OF COURSE-

Any of those kinds of places--Botanical Gardens, Art Museums, Aquariums, Zoos, Museums in general--Any place where you're able to utterly lose yourself in your surroundings and look around in awe, really, are your go-to date outing destination!

Usually, it's just the two of you, maybe with Sucrose or Timaeus if it's for a particular class, as well as the occasional Klee in tow whenever Alice is busy with work.

But in this case, fingers interlocked, it's just the two of you on a impromptu trip to the art museum downtown after seeing a promotional banner about a new exhibit. Once inside, you rush along, Albedo trailing close behind with a light squeeze of your hand. The large area used for temporary exhibits isn't far from the entrance, so it's not long until you skid to a stop.

All along the walls are incredibly detailed oil paintings, the thin layered strokes glistening in the light. Albedo takes a moment to whisper to you about how oil paint works.

Due to the thinness of the paint and it's transparency, light passes through every carefully placed stroke, allowing for a unique sort of depth that isn't achievable with other painting media. You smile, the artificial light of the art exhibit making your features glow and Albedo can't help but wonder if you are like those paintings.

So complex, so carefully created in an image perfected with time. Your eyes search his and you say his name and Albedo clears his throat when he realizes he's been staring.

"Do you like this one?"

Ah, you must've assumed he took a liking to this particular painting.

His eyes shift back to it, taking in the sight of the balance of color, the composition, then back to you. He only stares a second longer before nodding.

Whether or not you realize the view he likes is you is something that he dwells on as you both make your way to the next painting.

-

If you had a penny for every time that someone comments on the way you compliment each other, you'd probably be able to pay off your tuition for next semester.

Okay, perhaps not, but the idea still stands.

You're only just at the end of the art exhibit when the security guard wishes the two of you a lovely date. Something about how young love is something to be treasured, something about how the two of you already seem so natural and comfortable in each other's presence.

Before you can mumble out an explanation, Albedo just squeezes your hand, gentle as always, and smiles.

It's a compliment, right? For someone to see how close you are, even if you really are just friends, is a good thing.

Ignoring the warmth that spreads over your cheeks, you smile and turn your head away shyly. Squeezing his hand back, the thought of what it'd be like if you were together crosses your mind.

-

Just as you lend books to him, he lends books to you. Surprisingly, this time it just so happens to be a poetry book--something that you expressed interest in a week ago but ended up not getting.

Within, he's left colorful notes with his neat, slanted writing.

Short discussions (presumably questions to himself) of what the poet must've been thinking, different possible scenarios, are peppered throughout the book. But one just so happens to catch your eye. Rather than a question, it's a statement. Simple, short, and...sweet.

'You carry the aura of the stars.'

The little yellow sticky note pasted beneath a love poem to the night sky stands out. Suppressing a flutter in your chest, you continue reading through the poem book with a few giggles at Albedo's musings until you find a note with most of the words crossed out.

It's entirely unlike him, the way that the dark ink scribbled over the words, making them illegible.

But at the bottom was a continued attempt--one you presume he was satisfied with by the way it lay pristine on the colorful paper.

'You look. I fail to speak.

Your mind, so brilliant as it is I wish to see behind To further appreciate the one I love.

I can only hope one day you shall let me in, So for now I wait patiently by your side.'

Who could he have written this for? You can't help but stare at the poetic attempt, knowing full well that Albedo seldom does something without meaning.

The book closes and you tuck it back on the shelf to ask about later.

-

AAAAA YESYESYESYES I LOVE THAT CUDDLE PILE W/ ALBEDO AND KLEE

Even though Albedo's a grade A student and certified genius (he's adamant in his denial, shaking his head and mumbling about how he just studies hard), he's not entirely a stickler for rules.

Well, that is, Aunt Alice's suggestion that Klee goes to bed by 9.

Instead, the three of you settle in the common room of Albedo's place in a bundle of pillows and blankets at the demands of a pillow fort.

The tv blinks on accompanied by the near silent click of the remote.

"What should we watch?"

Klee always ends up picking the movie. This time, she wants Alice in Wonderland, commenting on how the bunny is like her best friend Dodoco and the blonde girl on screen is named after mommy. Albedo doesn't bother correcting her, even though he knows quite well that dear, sweet Dodoco is a chinchilla.

Between sips of juice and a few mouthfuls of popcorn, the three of you fall asleep, Klee curled up besides you and Albedo's arm draped over you both.

Even when the sun is up in the sky, you sleep peacefully.

So, naturally, Aunt Alice has a spare key just in case something like this happens.

Immediately she's met with the sweetest view--her two kids (she's practically adopted Albedo as her own at this point) and--

Hiding a cheeky smile behind her hand, Alice can't help but sneak a little closer when she spies the way that you and Albedo somehow gravitated closer, his face buried in your hair and yours resting against his collar. Wedged between you with tousled hair, Klee snoozes peacefully.

She snaps a picture, followed by another, and another, and a fourth for good measures before meandering into the kitchen to prep something for breakfast.

Might as well let her three favorite people enjoy the comfort of sleep for a little longer...

You wake up the moment that Klee wiggles her way out of the blankets, nuzzling against the warmth radiating under your cheek.

Nice and cozy. Smells nice...wait.

Eyes fluttering open, you're met with a familiar birthmark and the nearly gone scent of Albedo's cologne.

You nearly pull away until the arm, now wrapped around your waist, pulls you closer accompanied by a satisfied sigh. Ah. You shut your eyes tight when you realize that Albedo's going to be asleep for at least another thirty minutes, resigning to your fate gladly.

Of course, Alice takes the opportunity to snap a few more pictures when you've finally fallen back asleep.

-

YES ALSO ALSO

Speaking of Albedo and sweaters and warm and also the just mentioned cologne. A little fun tidbit--not only are you familiar with the scent of his cologne because he wears it often, but it (in this au) is actually one that you picked out some time back. You probably were at the store together smelling some of the perfumes when you came across one that you were pleasantly surprised by.

Specifically, something that's lightly floral, a little warm but sweet with a hint of earthiness.

The pros? It fits Albedo perfectly! It also kinda sticks well and his place faintly smells of it.

The cons?? Well...you're embarrassed to say that hugging Albedo tends to drag on a little longer than anticipated because it's just such a comforting scent-

Not because you associate it with Albedo or anything-

Ehe

Man I really went to town again, didn't I?? Well, I'm glad that you enjoy my headcanons :DDD Albedo just seems like such a sweet person??? Like endearing in a way that just is...him. If that makes sense.

Brain go brrrrrr

I'll admit that my favorite headcanons for Bedo are mundane and domestic ones though! Like these! Just the little moments where there's nothing really going on except for him and you and ahhhh yesyesyes

Okay that's all-

[soobasaur]

buzzfeed said i like-like you..

— a lee felix x au

(half felix pov half y/n pov)

lee felix x gender!neutral reader genre: best friends to lovers

a/n: this is mainly in felix’s pov since i thought it would fit better, the next felix au will be in y/n’s pov (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃ and if you have any requests just ask away and i’ll try my best <3

« masterlist

felix was currently very calm!! c a l m!!

certainly not panicking, nope not him!

it started when he flopped onto his bed in defeat after giving up on his art history essay

he could only analyze medieval paintings for so long >:((

so he ended up clicking on his folder of bookmarks and scrolling for the buzzfeed quiz one

dont judge him it was very relaxing !!

he did a couple weird ones like ‘what type of bread are you?’ (he was a challah bread apparently?!) and ‘what is your horror movie death scene?’ (he was going to be murdered!!)

he started clicking on the recommended ones until he landed on the romance section

he usually ignored these since they were typically very boring but just for the sake of it he chose one titled ‘are you in love with your best friend?

he scoffed as he let the quiz load and his mind wandered off to you

you and felix had met in grade school due to the both of you being the new kids and immediately being stuck together since no other kids wanted anything to do with you

and every since then you had been glued to the hip

he loved you sure, but being in love with you? he didn’t think he was.. he wouldn’t be opposed to it though

‘do you think your best friend is beautiful?’

obviously!! felix thought, choosing said option, how could he not? u were the most ethereal person he had ever been blessed to see, other then himself of course

‘when you get into arguments, are you reluctant to apologize and end it quickly or wait for them to apologize first?’

felix had to think about this one

you both didn’t rlly fight, it was usually over stupid things like the both of you needing to take care of yourselves more and such

but felix found himself apologizing more since he knew you were too stubborn to make the first move even if you wanted to

and whenever he did apologize you always broke down and did the same

he chose ‘i apologize first to get it over with’

‘do you often cuddle and kiss your best friend?’

doesnt everyone? felix thought, hovering his cursor over ‘duh!’

he often gave you cheek kisses and pulled you into hugs whenever he saw you, even if you were always shy and flustered afterwards

he thought it was cute to see you like that

and you often fell asleep in his bed during movie nights and the both of you woke up tangled into one another

now that he thought about it he didn’t really kiss his other best friends, he shuddered at the thought

‘would you get jealous if someone else were to kiss your best friend?’

felix frowned at the mere thought of someone else kissing you

only he could give you cheek kisses goddamnit !!

he wouldn’t be mad if jisung got kisses from someone else though, he’d be happy his friend had found a partner

but if you found a partner...he didn’t know how to feel about that

it would fall between wanting you to be happy and he should be making you happy

he quickly filled out the question and moved on, that was too much for him

the rest of the questions were things like ‘do you know their favorite color?’ ‘do you have their birthday memorized?’ (yes to both!)

he clicked done and waited for his old laptop to boot up the results

oh...O H

WTF ?/$:&:@;

felix squinted at screen once more before pulling up a google tab

he went through multiple wikihow articles before just shutting down his laptop and taking his head into his hands

did he have a crush on you??? weren’t crushes supposed to give you butterflies and shit?

well...he did get butterflies whenever you complimented him,,,

oh shit he did have a crush on you

he dove headfirst into his pillow and kicked his legs before sitting up, coming to a conclusion

he couldn’t just hold this vital piece of information to himself!!

and that’s how felix found himself in front of your dorm building, freezing in nothing but basketball shorts and a hoodie he was pretty sure he stole from you

felix came barreling towards you, picking you up in a hug despite his tiny size

once he finally stopped spinning you and set you down was when you have him a confused look

“your welcome over whenever but why the sudden visit at 3am?” you ask, leading felix towards your dorm room

“fun news!! i realized i’m in love with you, thanks to a buzzfeed quiz!” he answered, doing jazz hands as you locked the dorm door behind you

“you’re...what now?” questioning if you heard right, ignoring your heart beat thumping loudly against your chest

“yeah like, i’m in love with you and realized it just now so i came here to tell you and-,”

/!&:@:@;@;@@, you were malfunctioning

how was?? felix so?? casual?? about this??

u had known you were in love with him since like /forever/ aND THIS MF JUST REALIZED A MINUTE AGO??

and you told him so, stalking towards him and reaching him in just two strides, shaking his shoulders

“what took you so long oh my god-,”

“wait does this mean you feel the same? cus if not it’s cool we can be homies ahah-,”

you did the cliche thing where you shut him up with a kiss

it made him go ∴◠‿◠∴

“we are not homies-,”

“we’re homies with benefits!”

*deep sigh*

from then on your relationship didn’t change that much

you were just best friends who know kissed one another and made out

bonus: headcanons

felix took on a new routine of coming over to your place at the ass crack of dawn

it drove you mad but you never slept anyways so you always opened the door

which was why felix came over in the first place!! to seduce you into a healthy sleeping schedule ;)

“y/n you would look so good tucked into your covers, all warm and cuddly as i hug you close-,”

“are you really trying to seduce me into sleeping right now??”

“...well is it working?” felix winked

“...maybe.”

(side note felix’s morning voice was to die for so if staying up late got felix to come over then that was another excuse for you to not sleep)

and since he was a dance major you always bought him bouquets and gifts after every single showcase

one time you got him a bunch of red roses and when you guys went back to his place he stuck one in his mouth and pulled you into a slow dance

it didn’t last very long though cus a thorn was left on the stem and caught his lip and you ended up having to help stop the bleeding

he still gave you a smile throughout it all though

“you look so creepy smiling with a mouthful of blood-,”

which made him smile even bigger

college with your best friend was fun but was even more fun with your boyfriend

the two of you often went on double dates with your friends jeongin and jisung, who recently got together, and had a blast going to parties

felix was a clingy drunk

if you thought he was clingy before just you wait

he would latch onto your arm like a koala and let you drag him around

and he would back hug you as you walked around

it was endearing though so you always let him get away with it

but if felix got too much to drink all hell broke loose

you still have flashbacks to that one time he started stripping on the pool table

you got a nice sight of his abs but so did everyone else !!

felix was willing to do anything with you and vice versa

if you even had the smallest inconvenience he was there to help

like that one time your coffee wouldn’t come out of the vending machine he karate kicked it until it did, and dragging you to run away when he spotted a hall monitor walking towards you

all in all he made you happy

it was perfect :’)

thank you for reading !!

[a-n-conrad]

Painting (Steve Rogers x Reader)

[Summary: You decide to paint your friend, Steve Rogers, realizing that no one had ever painted him without his uniform. However, things start to get heated after you start to daydream during your painting session. (She/Her pronouns)

Warnings: SMUT (18+, but with emotions), Not Canon Compliant (Because fuck you, Marvel.), Swearing, unprotected vaginal sex

Request: From my request survey (https://forms.gle/D9rsJtkERoBPaKvv8)]

You and Steve Rogers were widely considered to be an unlikely pair. There were a lot of things that you didn’t exactly agree on. Steve was a lot more social, being bold and outgoing. You were a bit quieter, preferring to avoid the company of a crowd. Steve was prone to waking up early to exercise. You stayed up into the quiet hours of the night, choosing instead to get a majority of your sleep in the morning. You weren’t exactly fond of Steve’s workout routines either, though you would join him on a short jog on occasion.

While you were technically considered an Avenger, you were really only brought out to fight for emergency circumstances. You had some incredibly powerful, incredibly volatile powers, but you really had no interest in using them unless it was completely needed. So you ended up making a few deals. You’d be treated like an Avenger, but you were basically benched unless some drastic, world-ending issue came up. So until then, you were kept on hold in Avengers Tower, spending most of your time painting in the studio that Tony had gotten set up for you.

Despite this power, and despite your title as an official Avenger, you were still a bit of an outsider among the team. You tended not to talk to them a lot, becoming a bit easily overwhelmed by the chaos that the team seemed to radiate. But surprisingly, you and Steve got along incredibly well.

You had originally bonded over your love of art. You loved Steve’s drawings. You admired the linework and shading in his drawings. He could do so much with just a pen, let alone if you gave him a few colors. He admired the amount of emotion you managed to instill into every single painting that you made. No matter what you painted, whether it was a portrait, a landscape, or something entirely different, it was always filled to the brim with the emotion that you had felt while painting it. It was like looking through a window into your soul. It was so honest and refreshing.

Eventually the two of you started to talk a bit more while you worked. It started pretty tame, just discussions of how your day was or general questions about each other like “What’s your favorite color”. But eventually you moved on to the harsher topics of your lives. Steve would talk about how exhausting it was to be the face of America, to be held on such a pedestal while also being expected to sacrifice everything at the drop of a hat. You talked about how cold and dehumanizing it felt to be seen by the American government as nothing more than a weapon, a walking nuclear bomb.

Your struggles overlapped at certain points. You both spent a lot of your time being used by the government. You were both seen as tools more than you were seen as people by a lot of the general public. You were a weapon and he was an idol, some sort of trophy. So you bonded a lot over your shared struggles as you talked to each other and worked on art side by side. And when the hard stuff got a bit too heavy, you’d sit and talk about art. About subjects that you just loved to add to all of your work. About what each shade of every color meant to you, about the emotions that you saw in every tiny color shift.

It was so nice, for both of you, to have something like that. The studio that you spent time in was so safe and peaceful for both of you, since the other Avengers tended to avoid it. And the two of you had started to see through each other’s masks enough to truly get to know each other. Steve couldn’t remember the last time someone had known him as Steve Rogers more than they had known him as Captain America. He had Bucky, but Bucky was far too busy with his own issues for Steve to even consider burdening him with anything else. But with you he could truly be himself, even if that meant getting angry, sad, or frustrated.

So the two of you had become incredibly close, despite your differences. And every day that you had some free time without any big meeting or mission, you would be in the studio helping each other with art. It was a good way for you to relieve stress, just relaxing with each other. It was one of those days that you came to a realization.

- - - - -

“Has anyone ever painted you?” You asked suddenly one day as the two of you sat side by side in the art studio. He looked a bit surprised, and then he looked confused.

“Of course. There are murals of me up all over the place, (Y/n).”

“No, there are murals of Captain America,” you responded, shaking your head, “They don’t really look that much like you. You really only look like that when you’re working as Captain America. So has anyone ever painted you? As Steve Rogers?”

He looked surprised again. And you could tell as the emotions cycled through his face that he didn’t really know how to respond. You supposed it was a bit of an odd question. And you knew that it was a bit odd to think of someone and their superhero persona as two different people, but Steve couldn’t disagree. He wasn’t Captain America all the time, and he loved that you understood that, “I suppose I’ve never really thought about it, but I guess not.”

You hummed a bit, “That’s a shame. It feels like a waste that everyone paints a costume. You should let me paint you sometime.”

You said it in a way that he wasn’t sure if you were serious. Your face was entirely serious when you said it, but you said it so casually, not even really looking at him, “Really?”

You finally looked up at him, noticing the pure confusion on his face, “Of course. I mean, you’d have to sit still for a while, but honestly, you could probably just sit and sketch for a while. You just seem too good of a subject to not be painted without the costume.”

Steve wasn’t really one to blush, but it was quite the compliment coming from you. He had women trying to hit on him all the time now, being Captain America, but that never really felt heartfelt. It had been a fairly long time since he had actually felt a real connection with someone. But to hear you compliment him, thinking of him as Steve Rogers instead of Captain America, made his heart flutter a bit. And the fact that he knew that you were rather picky about the subject you painted only made it more effective.

“I, uh, think that’d be cool,” He responded as soon as he was sure that he could trust his voice not to crack, though he couldn’t hide the slight stutter. It was honestly endearing how much his personality changed when he wasn’t working. While he was still headstrong and stubborn, he was a bit less confident. He knew he could win a fight. He knew that he looked good on television. But he didn’t really know how to interact with people in the new modern age. He was lucky to have the friends that he did. At least, that’s how he felt about it.

“Wonderful,” You hummed, starting to put away all of your supplies, “Why don’t we pack it up for the day and I can start painting you tomorrow if we aren’t too busy?”

“Yeah, sounds like a plan.”

- - - - -

The next day was surprisingly slow. You had to say that you were thankful. You had been looking forward to getting to paint Steve, even though you knew it was making him a little nervous. You were honestly excited to have a new project, and part of you was excited for the opportunity to stare at Steve for a bit without it being considered weird. He was easy to admire, both physically and on a personal level, so you found yourself staring more often than you’d like to admit. You were pretty sure that you had been lucky enough to avoid being caught though.

He was physically gorgeous. Obviously. But something about the way that he looked when he was drawing was nearly angelic. The way he furrowed his brows just a little and turned his paper at odd angles to make sure that the proportions of his sketches were right was adorable. The look in his eyes when his work started to come together made your heart melt. When he got a bit frustrated and would run a hand through his hair you could feel your heart skip a beat. You felt a bit dumb to be drooling over your friend, but you had to admit you were falling pretty hard for him. So you’d use this painting as an excuse to admire him without any questions.

He was already blushing a bit when he came into the studio, and you had a feeling that part of it was from Tony teasing him. He had a habit of giving the two of you a bit of a hard time about how much time you spent together. But the blush was still adorable. Something about Steve when he was nervous stole your heart. He was surprisingly soft when he had the space to be.

“So, uh, what’s the plan?” He asked as he strode over to your work station that you had already gotten set up.

“Just pull a chair up in front of me. You can get comfortable, start sketching, and I’ll get a base outline and block out as much as I can. Just let me know if you need a break and try not to change your pose too much. At least until I can get all of the base shapes right,” You instructed, trying to keep your voice even. You were surprised at how well you managed to hide the fact that you were completely lovesick.

“Alright, sounds good,” He responded, pulling up a chair and getting himself situated. He crossed one of his legs over the other, resting his ankle on his other thigh to give himself a place to set his sketchbook. You tossed him his pencil once he got himself settled, and then you got to work.

You had to admit you had started to get a bit frustrated with how easily you managed to get distracted by him while you were trying to paint. You had hoped that maybe painting him would help. You had no reason to get distracted from your painting when you were painting him. At least, that’s what you had thought before you started sketching out the form.

You felt yourself losing focus as your brush moved smoothly, the incredibly thin, light paint building a form that you found yourself wanting to know a bit more intimately. You tried your best to stay focused on the canvas in front of you, but you couldn’t stop your mind from drifting. You imagined what his body looked like under his clothes as you blocked out the lights and shadows of the fabric that rested over his abs. And the vivid image in your brain, the detailed picture of his body that you had conjured up in front of you, followed your brush as you worked.

The brush slid smoothly across the canvas, outlining his muscles, almost all of which showed through his thin t-shirt. Your brain almost instantly conjured up a matching image, the fantasy becoming more and more dynamic as you went on. It shifted from regular images of what his abs looked like when he was shirtless to more detailed images. Thoughts of his biceps flexing a bit as he held himself over you, his arms covered in sweat. Thoughts of his hands sliding across your skin. It only got worse as you moved down, eventually reaching the point between his legs.

“(Y/n)? Are you alright?” Steve’s voice finally broke you from your thoughts, his eyes which had been focused intently on his drawing when you had last looked were now trained on your face, scanning for any sign as to what was causing you to space out, “You don’t normally get distracted when you’re painting, is everything alright?”

“Oh,” You tried your best to pull yourself back to reality, though the fantasies seemed to be burned into your brain, “Yeah, sorry. I was, uh, spacing out a bit.”

“Do you want to take a break for a bit? Maybe we should get up and stretch,” He suggested. You nodded in response, hoping it would help you refocus on your painting.

It didn’t help much, though, as Steve stood, stretching his arms above his head. His shirt lifted up just enough to show some skin, and his pants were riding fairly low. Your eyes almost involuntarily moved to look at him, landing right about the button to the jeans that he was wearing. The muscles in his hips and stomach formed an almost perfect V shape leading into his pants.

“(Y/N)?” You had been caught staring. You tried your best to look casual, relaxing your posture. Your mistake was to try to lean on the table, setting your hand directing on your palette, which was covered in paints.

You froze, and Steve’s eyes landed on your hand, the red and blue paint gushing out from the sides. You felt like an awkward teenager, doing stupid ridiculous shit in front of your crush. You watched intently for a reaction from Steve, not really knowing what to do and hoping that the way that he reacted would give you something easy to respond to.

He raised one of his eyebrows at you, a look of confusion, with a small hint of amusement under the surface painted across his face, “You seem to have set your hand in your paint.”

“Uh, yes, it would seem so,” You responded awkwardly, finally lifting your hand out of the paint. You still really weren’t sure what to say, and not knowing where to put your hand so that you wouldn’t smear any paint anywhere wasn’t really making you feel any better. You cleared your throat a bit, trying to think of something smart to say, something that wouldn’t signal exactly how far gone you were into your fantasies, but instead you just signaled to Steve how flustered you were.

You knew that Steve had never been the biggest ladies’ man. From what he had told you, he was actually pretty awkward growing up, but the confidence that washed over him as he finally figured out what was getting you so flustered was visible. He walked closer to you, standing close enough to emphasize how tall he was, “Got something on your mind, sweetheart?”

“Oh, uh,” You stuttered, not sure what to say. You could tell that he knew from the smirk on his face, but you could feel your face heating up as you thought about explaining your fantasizing to Steve. He smirked even more as you got visibly flustered.

“It’s okay, honey, I don’t mind if you stare a little,” He said, standing a bit closer, his hand moving to hold your chin. You swallowed deeply as his fingers brushed against your skin softly. Your eyes locked with his as his hand tilted your chin up just a little.

As much as he was keeping up his confident, masculine persona, you could see the complete warmth in his eyes. He softened completely when you looked at him, pure admiration in your eyes. He had to admit it warmed his heart to see you looking at him like that, like he was your whole world. And maybe it was because he felt the same way. He had been falling in love with you slowly, and as he looked at you, he wanted to find every way possible to express it.

“Can I kiss you?” He whispered, his voice soft.

“Please.”

His lips were much softer than you thought they’d be, but you didn’t think about it too much as his lips moved against your own. It was soft at first, but it began to escalate quickly, getting rough and more passionate. His hands moved to your waist, pulling your body into his own, and your hands moved to his face, too focused on the kiss to notice the fact that you were smearing paint across his cheek.

He pulled back, allowing you to get a breath of air. That was when you noticed the red and blue streaks across his cheek, “Shit, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about,” He brushed it off, before pulling you into another kiss. He truly didn’t seem to care at all about the paint, choosing instead to focus on you.

This kiss started off much more passionate, building even further. Before long he pulled away again, pulling a groan from your mouth as you instinctively wanted more. Your complaints were silenced, though, as he began to kiss down your neck, nipping slighting at a few select spots, leaving marks for you to see later.

“If you want me to stop, just say it,” He said, as his hands started to move towards the hem of your shirt. He was moving slowly, giving you the chance to stop him at any point. You didn’t.

Before long, your clothes were entirely discarded, scattered haphazardly across the floor. Steve’s followed shortly. Neither of you could keep your hands to yourself, feeling the curves of each other's bodies as you continued to kiss. Both of you were desperate, the tension that neither of you even realized had been building finally crashing to the ground around you, any sort of restraint being thrown out the window.

However, you had to take a few moments to admire his body. You knew that it was perfect, he was a super soldier, of course it’s perfect, but you didn’t really know how perfect until it was right in front of you. There was no way you could’ve imagined it in a way that did it true justice. The warmth under his skin, the pace of his breathing, the firm feeling of his grip on your waist. Those were things that you could never have imagined fully.

He lifted you up without any issue, placing his hands under your thighs, carrying you to the work table and setting you on a clear section of the table without breaking the kiss. His hands slid across the tops of your thighs before grabbing your hips. Yours moved from his cheeks to rest on his bare chest, smearing a bit more paint across his scalped chest. You could feel his erection brush against your leg as he leaned over you, the two of you trying to get as close to each other as possible.

You were breathing heavily, your brain clouded with need, both new and left over from your earlier fantasies. Fantasies that were coming true, “Please, Steve.”

“What is it, Sweetheart?” Steve asked, looking down at you, his pupils blown wide with desire, “What do you want?”

You began to grind against his thigh without really thinking about it. He had to admit that something about you needing him this much turned him on, but he wanted to wait until you said it before he did anything, “Please fuck me.”

He would’ve liked to have a bit more foreplay, but both of you were so needy, having built up to this for so long with so little release until now. So he complied with your request. He pulled you quickly to the edge of the table. You were forced to lay your upper body down completely so that he could pull your hips to hang over the edge a bit. He took a few moments to rub himself against the entrance to your pussy, coating the head of his cock with liquid that was practically dripping from your pussy. Finally, he pushed himself into you slowly, making sure to monitor your reaction for any sort of discomfort. You were indulging in the feeling of him slowly stretching you out, completely enjoying the feeling of having him as close to you as possible.

He started moving after he was sure that you were comfortable, his hands beginning to wander your body, squeezing at your hips and breasts, basically any part of you that had a bit of squish, something for him to grab. His mouth latched on to the base of your neck, leaving a deep, dark hickey. You could feel every movement of his hips, his cock brushing against your internal walls again with each thrust.

You couldn’t hold back your moans as he found the perfect spot to hit, one of his hands gripping one of your hips tightly to hold you in place as his thrusts gained momentum. He started picking up speed a bit, taking care to continue to hit the spot that made you moan the loudest. His other hand slid down further, his fingers making their way between your folds. He was surprisingly quick to find your clit, not that you were complaining. Your eyes practically rolled back in your head as he started to rub small circles over it, keeping pace with his thrusts.

You were practically putty in his hands, falling apart as he found every way to make you moan. Touch, squeezing, kissing, and biting exactly where you needed him to. You had no idea how he knew exactly what you wanted, but you didn’t really care as a knot began to build in the pit of your stomach.

You practically screamed his name as the knot finally snapped, Steve continuing his motions, continuing to rub your clit, as you rode out your climax, your whole body feeling as though fireworks were shooting through your veins. Your walls tightened with the waves of your orgasms, the fluttering feeling clear to Steve as he continued to bury himself inside of you. Soon after your climax finished, you could feel his thrust begin to get a bit sloppy, focus clear on his face as he tried his best to hold on longer.

He couldn’t hold on that long, though, soon giving in to the building pleasure. He came hard, his hips snapping into your own and his head being buried in your neck to hide his curses as he came completely undone. You could feel the thick hot ropes of his cum coating your insides as he finished. You both stayed like that for a few moments in order to catch your breath.

As you started to come back to reality, you finally noticed the mess you had made. Steve’s hair was a mess, blue paint sticking some of the tips together. You couldn’t even remember when you had grabbed his hair, but the paint smears left a clear map of where your hand had wandered. The blue and red stripes across his face and chest were clear, too. In fact, you had gotten paint all over his sculpted body, the blue smears outlining his muscles.

“We should probably clean up and get back to work, huh?” He eventually sighed, his eyes never leaving your body.

“I suppose.”

(A/N: Thanks for reading! If you want to send me a tip for my writing feel free to tip me over venmo! My venmo is Al3x13l. Tips aren't required, but as a broke college student, they are appreciated.)

[twices-pup]

Tattoos Together

title : tattoos together ( son chaeyoung x gn reader )

word count : 1,682 words

genre : fluff

warnings : mentions of needles

synopsis : [ requested ] you face a fear to remind your girlfriend, chaeyoung, that you love her for all that she is, including her tattoos.

side note : my first request finally done! i really hope the anon who requested and anyone else who reads this likes it! the request was a little vague so i had trouble making this fic long enough, and had to rewrite it a few times but since today is chaeyoung's birthday i was determined to finally get this out! happy strawberry princess day, everyone!! also, the title is definitely inspired by the song tattoos together by lauv because i suck at coming up with titles.

You were never one to be fond of the idea of getting a tattoo. It most probably stemmed from the fear of needles that you've had since you were a child and never quite grew out of. The mere thought of your skin being pierced and inked was enough to send a chill down your spine, which was why you vowed to yourself to never so much as step foot into a tattoo parlor.

Your girlfriend, on the other hand, loved getting tattoos. Her skin was like a canvas, and the tattoos she had gotten over the past couple of years were the works of art. You weren't surprised, Chaeyoung herself was nothing short of an artist, after all—if you handed her a pen and a piece of paper, she'd be able to conjure up a masterpiece out of thin air. Although you were still very much against getting a tattoo yourself, you've learned to love each and every one of the tattoos adorning her skin just as much as you loved the person herself.

Chaeyoung told you her intentions to get a couple more new tattoos shortly before TWICE began filming for the music video of their then newest title track, More & More, for the mini album of the same name. She was over at your place for a visit and the two of you were lazing on your couch together, television turned on and your eyes on the screen but neither of you really focusing on the program playing. You had an arm around her shoulders while she rested her head in the crook of your neck, the room pretty dark save for the light flashing from the TV screen and some sunlight that filtered in through your drawn-in curtains. "I've already looked up some designs I like," she had said. "I'll only pick one or two to get tattooed."

You didn't think much of it at first, the only thing that crossed your mind was "Ah, my girlfriend is getting another tattoo, cool." However, that was until you made an off-handed comment, with your eyes still glued on the TV. "You really like getting tattoos, huh? You have so many already, but you still want to get more."

Upon hearing your words, Chaeyoung suddenly became aware that you were subconsciously rubbing her upper arm gently, your fingers brushing right over the cherry tomatoes tattoo she had there. She didn't say anything at first, your living room back to being quiet other than the voices of the actors coming from the TV speaker. "Yeah, I really do," she suddenly answered you after you thought that the topic had been dropped. "I hope you don't have a problem with that."

Although she had muttered the last part under her breath, you were able to hear it clearly. You turned away from the TV to look at her, with a tiny crease between your eyebrows that were furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? Why would I have a problem with it?" you asked her softly.

Chaeyoung met your eyes and sighed. "Not everyone is a fan of girls with tattoos, you know?" she said, her gaze dropping from you to her lap. "So as the person I'm dating, I hope you're not one of those people. Those people who hold prejudice against tattoos or something like that."

Throughout the duration you had known Chaeyoung, you had always viewed her as someone who's free-spirited and jaunty, who doesn't let what other, insignificant people think of her get to her head, as long as she's able to do what she wants to do and be who she wants to be. So seeing her suddenly be so self-conscious about her tattoos, about something she'd usually feel so natural about, caught you by surprise. You realized that, perhaps, as her significant other, your opinion of her meant more to her than that of others did, and you immediately regretted letting your guard down and making such a careless remark.

"Hey," you called out softly, reaching for one of her hands to hold it in yours. "I do not and will never have any kind of problems with your tattoos. I know you love them, and that's completely okay," you assured her, offering her a gentle smile when she looked up at you. Her eyes searched your face for a moment, before she started chuckling.

"Thank you, y/n. Wow, that conversation got so serious all of a sudden. I feel a little embarrassed now, let's talk about something else."

You obliged with a nod, letting Chaeyoung shift the conversation to a different topic as you didn't want her to feel awkward or uncomfortable. Though you did make a mental note to remind her more frequently that you loved her, every single part of her.

On the day of her appointment at her regular tattoo parlor, you gave her a call. "Hey, y/n," she greeted you when she answered her phone. "What's up? I was just about to head to the tattoo place."

"Yeah, that's what I called you for," you said on your end of the call, feeling a little nervous but refusing to turn back on your decision. "Would it be okay if I tagged along with you?"

Your question was met with a moment of silence as Chaeyoung fully took in what you were asking her. "You want to come with me...to a tattoo parlor?" she asked for confirmation, and you nodded, although you were well aware that she wasn't able to see you. "Yes," you verbally answered. "I wanna accompany you as you get your new tattoos."

Knowing you, Chaeyoung surely hadn't expected you to willingly want to watch her get tattooed, in fact it came as a pretty big surprise to her, but if that was what you truly wanted then she had no reason to refuse. She texted you the address of the tattoo parlor and you met up with her there roughly half an hour later, swallowing down your nerves and telling yourself that you were doing it for you girlfriend all throughout your journey.

As the two of you entered the establishment, Chaeyoung noticed your shifty eyes looking all around the tattoo studio, and saw that you seemed more unsure of your decision to come by the passing second. "If you're having any regrets, you can leave at any time," she told you.

Despite the slight uneasiness you were feeling, you quickly shook your head. "It's okay, Chaengie. Like I said, I'm gonna be here for you."

"But why? y/n, you and I both know you're scared of needles, including tattoo needles."

"Because I know how much you love your tattoos. And I love you, so I wanna give you my support."

Your response was enough to put a wide smile on Chaeyoung's face, and seeing her smile was enough to make you smile too, in spite of your jitters. Chaeyoung's hand found yours and held it tightly as she led you deeper into the tattoo parlor. "Thank you," you heard her whisper. "I love you too."

The tattoo parlor was brighter than you had imagined it to be, but frankly that was because you had pictured the place to resemble a dark, soul-sucking torture chamber. Although the sufficient lighting managed to calm your nerves down a bit, the many scary-looking tattoo designs—skulls, snakes, demonic faces—hung up on the walls as decorations weren't helping. As you sat next to Chaeyoung at one of the tattooing stations, you did your best to not look at anything that, to you, were frightening, especially the tattoo machines.

You stayed quiet and only watched as Chaeyoung showed the tattoo artist the designs that she had chosen and told him where she wanted the tattoos to be. Your body tensed up and your breath hitched in your throat when the man took out a tattoo machine and started preparing to tattoo your girlfriend. Chaeyoung, noticing that you were as stiff as a board, gave you a reassuring smile. As much as you appreciated the gesture, you weren't able to smile back.

When the man finally started, you immediately diverted your eyes from your girlfriend to stare down at the floor. However, that did little to nothing to block out the whirring sound of the machine as it did its job. You gripped Chaeyoung's hand, the side that wasn't being tattooed, claiming that you were comforting her, though she had a feeling that it was the other way around instead.

"You're acting like you're the one getting a tattoo," she couldn't help but tease you.

When he was done with her tattoos after what felt like an eternity to you, you let out a heavy sigh of relief. You were finally able to turn back to Chaeyoung as she showed you her two new tattoos, one of a plant on her upper right arm and another of a butterfly by her right wrist.

"Woah, they look great," you complimented, genuinely impressed by the artist's handiwork. "I can't believe I made it through that, I guess watching people get tattooed isn't so bad after all."

Chaeyoung raised an eyebrow at you, amusement evident in her smile. "It isn't, but saying you watched me get tattooed is a bit of a stretch," she opined, and you pouted. "I was still here nonetheless," you argued.

"Alright, alright. Fair enough." Your girlfriend chuckled. "Then maybe next time you can take it a step further and get a tattoo yourself."

You playfully scrunched up your nose at her words and were about to oppose, until she continued. "Maybe we can even get matching ones!" she proposed, her eyes bright with excitement over the idea. Your expression softened in an instant, a wide smile making its way onto your face. Whenever she looked at you like that, with such innocent joy, it was near impossible for you to ever say no.

"Well, maybe one day," you told her, as you helped her up from her seat.

"Maybe one day, we can get tattoos together."

. . .

please do not repost my work, whether on tumblr or on any other site.

[serenadeonacanoe]

Honestly, I'd piss him off on purpose. (Namjoon x OFC)

Pairing: Namjoon x Original Female Character

Genre/Warnings: Smut, Angst, Fluff, too tired to beta

Tags: Artist!Namjoon, Yoongi and Tae are the best flatmates, Enemies to Lovers I guess... more like brats to making out in the storage unit, OFC is an idiot.

Summary:

"Wow. Is that that grumpy artist behind you? Jesus. He really looks like a bit of a dick. And you are right. He really is hot..." Oh no. Speakerphone. Namjoon was standing behind me and was staring at me. Then at my phone. He let out a little laugh, then raised his hand to wave at Tae and Yoongi outside who were now also staring at him as if frozen, before turning around in unison. As if that would help. As if he couldn't see them. Or better even... couldn't hear them.

[...]

Mister Darcy has nothing on Kim Namjoon - that new and upcoming artist you probably already heard of (You haven't? How dare you? At least have the decency to pretend you have!). He is cold, serious, and rather good at making other people believe he is a prick. Especially Elizabeth Bennet - uh... Charlotte - is about to lose it because of him. Maybe in a good way. Man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

More chapters on AO3

CHAPTER 1

Even the sound of my own nails rhythmically tapping on the top of the counter was annoying me. To be fair, it didn't need much today to blow my fuze that had never been particularly long in the first place. But after a week consisting of being belittled by old white men and endless hours of unpaid overtime I about had it. Welcome to the art world. You know well before you enter that the hours are horrible and the job market is more than frustrating, but you love art and you have good organisational skills, you are resilient, charming when it counts and tend to romanticize things even when you know you shouldn't. It's too late to turn around now.

"That is why I don't use an agenda or notebook. If something is important enough for me to attend I simply won't forget. I know you youngsters are all about the bullet journaling and expressing yourself by mapping out your life but it really is just another way to procrastinate instead of getting to actual work." For a second I considered throwing my damn notebook in the buyer's face, but that probably wouldn't have helped my CV and the new job I would have to look for starting tomorrow. At least I should have screamed at him a little. Mainly, that I didn't care, that I was on my period and my shitty shower in the shitty flat i shared had broken and no dry shampoo in the world had fixed my hair this morning and that god damn it, how the hell was I supposed to remember every phone number, every call my boss had to take, every art handling transport I had organized if I couldn't write it down somewhere. Instead, I smiled. Died a little on the inside and complimented him on the gift of his exceptional memory and asked whether he would like another cup of coffee.

"What a dick." Samantha murmured, more to herself than me, after the guy had finally left, which made me snort under my breath. She usually didn't say much but when she did it was usually pure gold. In the end, it didn't matter that he was. Didn't matter that everyone at the gallery thought the art he had bought from us over the last couple of months had neither been smart nor impressive purchases. Mainly expensive. And flashy.

"Doesn't matter now." I said in a sigh after a quick glance at the clock. It was Friday night and we were about to close. Since it was my birthday on Monday I had taken two days off, about the longest break I had had this year and I was looking forward to being the lazy slob for a few days I was maybe always meant to be. In silence we answered a few last emails, tidied up the desks and counters so that potential buyers that would come in over the weekend wouldn't have to suspect anyone was actually working here. - A white desk. A huge Imac on it. That was all they needed to see, folders and pens and apparently especially agendas to be hidden away in drawers.

At five to eight I threw on my coat and Samantha just gave me a tired smile. Probably happy for me, just exhausted. "Have fun then? Don't get too wasted?" "Oh..." I said with a huge smug grin on my lips. "You have no idea... gonna take a bottle of Moët with me from the bar and drink it in my bathtub after eating a huge pepperoni pizza by myself and dancing to only the finest of 90s Euro Trash." I couldn't help it, apparently, I felt it necessary to give Sam a little demonstration, waving my arms up and down while swaying my hips in a way that I'd probably would not have if it hadn't been for a bit with an audience of a single person. Or maybe two?

A quiet scoff behind me and I quickly turned around, slowly lowering my arms, Sam biting her lower lip at the sight of me standing there like an idiot in front of HIM of all people.

Men didn't have to be old to annoy me. Or white. Yes, those were the ones that pissed me off most usually, but no one had managed to do so as much as Kim Namjoon recently. And now he was standing there, looking me up and down and stopping at my hair. The crazy too-much-dry-shampoo-because-the-shower-broke-hair. "Nice." He just commented and then looked over at Sam. "I'd like to take a last look before Sunday's opening if that is okay?" I stood there, my shoulders dropping, completely ignored.

"Uhm, actually, my babysitter has to leave in about an hour and I will have to be home before that." Samantha replied and I was impressed by how calm she stayed. "Of course." Namjoon said and gave her a slight smile. "Anyone else still around? Chris maybe?" Of course Chris hadn't been in today. It was Friday and unless important guests had announced themselves the owner of the gallery wasn't around on Fridays... "I am afraid not. But maybe Charlotte has a few minutes?" Well. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I felt a little betrayed. "Wouldn't want to keep anyone from their important Moët-Pizza-Dance Party plans." Namjoon replied before I could say a word. His voice once more dropping to a hushed, deep disapproval and his hands buried in the pockets of his rather expensive looking coat. Silence for a few moments and then he just walked off towards the room his exhibition had been set up all week. Showing without a further word that I would have to stay anyways if he wanted it that way.

"Well thank you for pushing me under the bus like that. Really appreciate it." "I am so sorry. But I was serious, I can't lose this babysitter. She got Jamie to eat vegetables. VEGETABLES!" Samantha suddenly seemed in a rush, grabbing her jacket and purse and showering me in promises she would make it up to me. Even though we both knew that wouldn't happen and wasn't necessary. Suddenly having to stay longer was normal. I just hated that it had to be today. And because of him.

I heard the door close behind Sam and I stood there for a second before putting my bag down again. Usually, I would have followed the artist, asking if I could somehow help, but nahhh... my ego was bruised up enough now, especially remembering the little dance. I closed my eyes. Fucking hated the guy. Always had. Well, not quite. I had thought he was cool for about five minutes when he had come in the first time. We had heard about him for quite a few months before, I think I had even seen pictures of him at some point, but those were nothing compared to him in real life. He came in all cheekbones and sharp chin and an all grey outfit, quick pace, observant gaze. Incredibly hot. He had also completely ignored me.

That's how it had started - a bruised ego. He couldn't know that it was my weak spot. Having studied art and its management and now feeling like a better secretary at times, when my colleagues and I were doing all the behind the scenes work while Chris worked very little hours and ended up with all the money and recognition. I was aware this wasn't the only field of work where this was the case, but it still frustrated me... I had imagined my life in the last years of my 20s to be a bit more glamorous than living in a tiny apartment on the outskirts of the city... spending my Friday night waiting for some rude artist dude to leave so I could lock up.

But what I perhaps hated most about him... was that I admired him. - Purely for his art. Really. Even the fact that he kept acting as if I wasn't around every time he came in didn't mean I couldn't admit that. At least to myself. The stories behind his huge colleagues were clever and thought through, but even without context, the pure aesthetics were mesmerizing. It was the kind of art that touched something deep inside of you and standing in front of it I always had a hundred questions. Whenever he brought in a new piece I was the first one to sneak a peek in the back rooms before it was hung.

"I don't get why you have such a problem with him. He is just... quiet. I think he might even be shy... stop being so sensitive and just ask him out already." I had almost strangled Sam for that comment a couple of weeks back. Stop being so sensitive. What did that even mean? Comments like that made me want to cry and scream at the same time, which probably would have been perceived as even more sensitive, but when had insensitivity become something to strive for? I had only kept quiet because I liked Sam and I knew what she had tried to say. At least I thought so. That I might have given less of a shit if I hadn't been rather attracted to Namjoon. Even though I had never mentioned it, she just knew. She knew if I didn't care about something I didn't waste my time on it. But if something made me angry or upset there was usually more to it. I hated that she could read me that easily. But he was still a dick and I still wanted to go home.

He took his sweet time. After an hour I walked up to him, a little speech prepared in my head about how he could come back first thing tomorrow. But when he turned around he just raised a hand between us to keep me from interrupting and turned away again. I hadn't seen that he was on the phone. "No, it's nothing, just one of the gallery employees." I heard him say and okay... if I wasn't about to explode before I was now. I stood there for a minute, fuming, and then simply walked back to the office area, my hand shaking when I started turning off the gallery lights one by one. It wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped but still felt good. Two minutes later the only lights still on were the one above my head and the one in front of the door. I would at least give him a clear direction where to head, he seemed to need it.

When Namjoon appeared out of one of the dark corners he looked even more annoyed than usual. Looking my direction through squinting eyes and his tongue pushing against the inside of his cheek. "Seriously?" he yelled my way and almost walked into one of the little flyer shelves. Wasn't the first time I had seen that happen to him though so maybe that had nothing to do with the light.

I felt oddly triumphant. By the time I had put on my coat and turned off the remaining lights, ready to finally lock up, Namjoon had almost found his way, standing in the open door, still on his phone. A little groan from my side when he didn't even notice that I was standing behind me went by unnoticed. Or simply ignored. But instead of the appropriate clearing of the throat or the maybe less polite squeezing past him, I just put my hands on his back and gently pushed him forward a bit, until his feet hit the pavement and he turned around. Dropping his hand with the phone in it, for a second he looked like he wanted to push back. Or trample me.

"Okay, what the hell is your problem, Charlotte?" His voice was hoarse. His eyes dark. God, he was hot. I hated him so much. "You." I simply replied and stared at him for a second, then turned around and locked the two locks on the door before stepping over to the alarm system. I couldn't help feeling smug because apparently, he knew my name. I imagined him staring at the back of my head because he was flustered, but couldn't be sure. All I knew was that when I turned around again a minute later he was still standing there, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his lips pressed together forming a straight line and watching me.

"Do you always act like that at work around people who could get you into trouble?" He was right, he could get me into trouble. But I was too fired up now, my heart racing. "Is that a threat?" "An observation." "Only around the ones I don't like." "Cool." "Great." "Enjoy the dance party. Sounds shit."

And with those words he had turned around, coat flying open in the wind, unfortunately making him look really cool as he walked away and I ABSOLUTELY HATED HIM. I kept my mouth shut and just walked off in the other direction, realizing minutes later that my car was parked the other way, but I kept walking for a while before I finally turned around. It took a while to calm down and only cuddling up to my cat on the couch to trash tv finally did the job. But by then I had realized something I wasn't sure I liked too much. Yeah, I thought he was a prick. And yeah I should have just played it cool. Would have been much smarted in many regards. But I also had somewhat enjoyed myself in the most fucked up way.

Seeing that stern look, that intense posture as he was towering over me... man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

More chapters on AO3

[59writes]

SEVENTEEN- SCENARIO: HAVING AN ALT PARTNER (PERFORMANCE UNIT)

VOCAL • HIP HOP • PERFORMANCE

Last but most definitely not least, the boys with the moves 🙌🙌

again! don’t be shy, feel free to reach out or request!! I’d love to have some anon buddies lol. I promise I’m nice haha!!

also hi Jun’s is about kandi I had to self indulge a little lol (which is why it’s so long omg) I make kandi and it’s literally the best pastime and the culture around it is super cool too so I had to add it in haha!!

🌈🌈🌈!!!PLUR!!! 🌈🌈🌈

tw: food maybe (?)

JUN

• you guys met on complete accident

• he was walking to the company, you on your way home

• and he bumps into you and one of your bracelets hooks onto his bag and it snaps

• you’re both shocked by the sound, watching the beads bounce into the street while people shoved past you both, glaring at you both for blocking the way

• and even though Junhui is late he stoops down to pick up the beads

• you stop him quickly

• “don’t worry, I have more beads at home”

• and he’s like “wait woah you made this” because it’s intricate and pretty and a little pixel art cat that he accidentally ruined ):

• but he feels so bad, and wants to pay you back somehow cuz the bracelets are so cute and he broke one!!! he cannot get over it!!!

• even when you assure him it’s fine he looks so concerned you have to give in

• so you give him your number, telling him to text you when he can and you can work something out

• and at the company he considers it all day

• he, an idol, just got a number from someone on the street. all because he messed up and then insisted to be in your life

• was this a good idea?

• Seungcheol hears about it eventually, and says to give it a chance

• “your friends are in another country, Jun. make some here too. plus you’re stressed, and it’s probably best to get any weight off your shoulders you can.”

• and so he texts you

• and plan to go to a cat cafe (his treat) on his next day off

• when he walks into the cafe you greet him with a beaming smile

• “I have a gift for you.” You grin, pulling something out of your bag

• and like, Jun almost disagrees, like “no I’m supposed to be apologizing to you” but then be sees what you’re offering

• a little cat bracelet just like the one he broke the other day

• he reaches out for it but you shake your head

• “there’s a special way to do it, here.”

• you give him a rundown on the style of bracelet, called kandi

• and you explain they’re meant to be traded

• “and there’s a secret handshake to trade with, ok? just do what I do.”

• peace, love, unity…

• and he’s suddenly holding your hand

• you slip the bracelet onto his wrist before letting go, grinning as he examines his new accessory

• “I’m y/n, by the way.”

• “Junhui.”

• you chat and play with the cats that come to visit your table

• you take off one of your kandi rings at one point and gently loop it around one of the kittens’ paws

• Jun hasn’t had this much fun in a while, much less been in such a positive environment

• as you were bright and cheery as you made kissy noises at the cats to offer them snacks

• always had something new to say or observe

• and when it was time to leave he really didn’t want to go

• you don’t either, but you have an appointment you can’t miss

• so you promise to do it again soon, giving Jun a quick hug and a wave before dashing off

• Jun can’t keep his eyes off the bracelet as he goes back to the company, running his fingers along the peyote weave

• he spends the rest of the night reading about kandi and kandi kid culture

• and everyone involved is so happy, and their bracelets?? like holy shit.

• he thought yours was good but some of these people had massive and intricate kandi

• the next time you meet, he asks if you can teach him how to make kandi

• and your face lights up!!

• the next few meetups he learns, little by little

• passing the bracelet to you if he can’t get part of it right

• and he just keeps getting surprised by your patience when you have to undo rows, your bubbly spirit calming a bit as you focus on a pattern

• and one day you invite him to a rave

• and yo he’s so nervous ??? but he wants to go so bad ???

• you promise him you guys can leave it early, because eventually you get overwhelmed too

• so he agrees

• you meet at your apartment, Jun shy as you flit around and drape him with more kandi

• you ask him to sit still as you paint a tiny design on his face in UV paint, hand resting on his jaw to keep him still

• and when you gleefully spin him around to look at himself in the mirror he’s just. wow.

• a line of heart stickers on his cheek, a necklace made from kid toys draped around his neck, and of course, endless bracelets

• this was so cool.

• the rave was even better.

• Jun got used to the flashing lights and eccentric music very quickly, mostly following behind as you greeted people and traded bracelets

• and then you turn and pull him out to the dance floor

• and that shit is like a fever dream.

• adrenaline, glitter, and neon lights fill your veins as you both dance for hours

• eventually too tired to keep up, you fall into Jun’s arms, laughing

• and he’s grinning too (:

• you leave shortly after that, walking home in the dark

• you stop to sit at a park bench, and Jun says he has a surprise

• he holds out his hand

• peace, love, unity, respect

• and slips a bracelet onto your arm

• he did it completely himself, as you’d never seen the design before

• it’s of a cat with a rainbow tail, along with his name spelled out in pixels

• and you look up at Jun, whose eyes are filled with anticipation

• and you give him a huge hug

• and he thanks you for showing him this diverse underground world full of color in the night; a way to break out of his shell a little

• and damn I guess you can’t help but hold back an “I love you”

• and he feels the glitter surge back into his veins

• and the feeling never leaves again (:

HOSHI

• Soonyoung always thought photographers were more likely to stay out of the lens’ view, but you proved him wrong

• when you introduced yourself as his photographer for the magazine shoot you were working on, he couldn’t help but feel like you should be in front of the camera, not him

• like holy shit. the beads and chains that engulfed your arm and shimmered in the dim lights. the clips nestled in your hair that were shaped like cartoon spiders. the patches for bands he’d never heard of on every square inch of your camera bag.

• he’s polite and energetic the whole shoot, and to be honest maybe you take a little longer than usual to line up closeups of his face

• after all he deserves the best photos (:

• once you’re finished you agree to meet again at Pledis the next day, just to review the photos

• and Soonyoung spends the whole night hyping himself up lol

• you look just as cool as the day before, if not better, and he manages to compliment you without a problem (practice pays off!!)

• he wants to see more of your photos, and you offer him a ticket to a portfolio viewing you’re having

• he shows up without telling you, taking his time to walk through the gallery and examine each photo

• and they’re so dynamic, perfectly balanced, mysterious. he can’t help but get lost in each one, not even noticing you staring at him

• you, heart warm from his wonder and genuine interest

• he was soon a common subject and reviewer of your photography

• and you were soon a common staple of his, Soonyoung trying to be with you at every opportunity

• he invites you over for movie nights with the other guys

• if you show up in your usual outfits he whines about how you’re all pokey and he can’t lay on your arm without getting stabbed ):<

• luckily you own soft sweatshirts that still look super cool so it’s a win/win

• he’s so adoring of everything you do omg

• every interest of yours is now his interest too

• and he’ll always be by your side, curious and wide-eyed, always ready for the next adventure with you

• whether it be through clothes, or photos, or even just the park

• you’re what makes it special (:

MINGHAO

• dude. he’d lose his shit in the best way possible.

• have you seen this man??? his sense of style??? he’d be drooling in seconds lol

• you’d catch him watching you as you intern at Pledis, sketching up scenes in the corner

• finishing your degree required film to turn in, and you managed to snag an internship with the production crew for Seventeen

• a successful music video for a major group would definitely save your grade lol

• every dance practice, you’d be in the corner, wedged against the mirrors, huddled over your sketchbook as you designed

• and of course you watched them dance, you had to encapsulate the emotion somehow

• during a water break, one of the members plops down next to you and introduces himself as Minghao

• his hair is damp with sweat, sleeveless shirt clinging to his chest

• and he asks to see your ideas

• the concept is focused on the ideas of identity, and your current plan was sketches of each member as the background

• you could animate them slowly turning into each member, and you explain the idea to Minghao as he very gently flips through the pages, fingers hardly touching the pages

• he lingers on his own page

• “you didn’t sketch anyone else’s face this detailed.”

• “you’re pretty.” You say simply, reaching for the book back

• he grins at his lap.

• he sits next to you every day now, always eager to see your designs

• but more often he wants to see your other works

• and when you tell him you and your friends made most of your clothes he’s dumbstruck

• “can you make some for me?”

• you laugh and he apologizes for being so straightforward

• but the next day you bring in a trench coat you’ve been illustrating

• cutting diamonds into the sleeves and lining them with neon thread

• the half-finished painting on the back your friend started working on

• and as you proudly explain the coat’s background Minghao can’t help but want to join in too

• the way your face lights up when you speak about it, how gently you fold the fabric, how you adjust the collar on him so it looks just right

• eventually you begin to hang out outside of the company

• and you take him to craft stores when you need supplies or new clothes to ruin

• and he has such a good eye oh my god

• and his long fingers pick up sewing so easily

• and many hours are spent on your apartment floor quietly snipping, painting, lacing

• minghao wears his clothes with pride, especially the ones you make for him

• you go out one day, both of you completely dressed in your own designs

• and Minghao has never felt this beautiful before

• and when he sees your outfit he can’t help but wrap you in a huge hug

• he’s proud: of himself, of you, of the creativity and passion and hours put into these clothes

• and he admits he’d like to keep that feeling around a lot more

• and so your time in the city becomes a date

• and behind the music video sets becomes a spot to hide and snuggle

• you still sketch him sometimes

• when he doesn’t notice

• when he’s too focused on choreo, or reading a book, or laughing at the other boys goofing around

• because you’re proud of him, too

• and when he sheepishly admits he’s been doing the same, pushing over his own sketchbooks filled with endless drawings, improving page by page

• you know he’s your other half.

DINO

• Dude he’d be so flustered

• he straight up would just. not know what to say and would probably be defensive whenever you talk to him so he might come off as rude ):

• it would take time for him to warm up to you

• but when he does it’s clear he can’t get you out of his head

• as a choreographer, you had to spend a lot of time with the performance line

• and in this case, specifically Chan, as he has a solo

• and just seeing you look so damn rad even when you’re slowly walking him through potential choreo,,,, homeboy is gonna break down and try and defend himself

• the first few days are awkward because he’s drawn back and a little hostile

• but you force him to get lunch with you after a particularly rough morning, just to try to have a better relationship

• you guys didn’t finish the choreo that afternoon, choosing to sit on the studio floor and talk

• the next day he’s still quiet, but shyly rather than defensively

• and he can’t seem to get his arms right, and you have to go over there and straighten his arms for him, rings digging into his biceps

• and even though he tries to hide his grin you know it’s what he wanted

• eventually your job is done and you’re ready to head to the next performer, or go plan choreo for another group

• and Chan shuffles up and even though his cheeks are red he manages to ask you out

• and how could you say no?

[engie-ivy]

Happy Valentine's Day!

Have some Valentine Wolfstar Fluff, with a touch of Jily.

Remus hates grand romantic gestures, but wants to make one, because the person he fancies loves them. Sirius loves grand romantic gestures, but doesn't want to make one, because the person he fancies hates them. James thinks this could be good.

The not-so-subtle art of grand romantic gesture making

“You’re the last person I would’ve expected, Remus John Lupin.”

“Yet here I am.”

“Here you are indeed.”

Impatiently, Remus folds his arms across his chest. “Can you help me, or what?”

“I must say, your request surprises me.”

“They say you’re the best.” Remus replies with a shrug.

“They don’t just say I am the best, I am the best. But you never showed any interest in that before.”

“Well, I obviously do now.”

“You’ve never been a fan of my work, which you’ve made evidently clear, and now you’re suddenly requiring my services?”

“The situation has changed,” Remus replies curtly.

“Enlighten me.”

Remus sighs. “I may not always have been a fan of your work, but I’m not the only part involved.”

“Interesting. And what would be in it for me?”

“Nevermind, Prongs,” Remus scoffs, getting up from his chair. “If you’re gonna be an arse about it...” He moves to walk out of the room.

“No, Moony! Wait!” James exclaims. “I wanna help! I’m sorry, I’ll stop being a twat.”

Remus sits back down, but doesn’t stop glaring at James.

“So,” James says. “You want my help planning a grand romantic gesture for Valentine’s Day?”

Remus shrugs, feigning nonchalance. “If anyone knows anything about grand romantic gestures, it’d be you. You make several per year.”

“And you were never impressed by any of them!”

“I said I’d prefer something small and intimate myself,” Remus counters. “I never said they weren’t impressive. That time you somehow managed to cover the girls’ dormitory in white lilies was quite admirable. Or the time that flock of birds followed Lily around all day, singing love songs, that was sweet. Annoying, but sweet. Or that time those fireworks first spelled Lily’s name, and then exploded into tiny pieces of paper, each containing a compliment for her, now that was impressive!”

“Ah yes,” James muses. “Some of my best work. But that still doesn’t explain what made you change your mind.”

“Well,” Remus says hesitantly. “There’s this person...”

James perks up at this. “Oh? You have a person?”

Remus’ cheeks colour. “It’s just this person I like, I mean really like, who loves grand romantic gestures.”

“But if that’s not your thing...”

Remus shakes his head. “It’s not about me. I want to make this person happy, so it’s about what this person wants.”

James gives Remus a sappy smile. He can’t refuse when romance is involved, not that he wants to. “Alright, Moony. I’ll take your case! With my help, you’ll dazzle your person!”

Remus gives him a grateful smile, but it immediately disappears again when James asks “So, who is it?”

His eyes widen. “I’m not telling!”

James practically pouts. “Oh, come on, Moony! You’ve told me this much already.”

“No, I can’t, I won’t. You... might talk to the person.”

“If I know your person, even better!” James says. “I can more easily personalize the gesture!”

“Please, Prongs,” Remus says pleadingly. “I’m almost positive that this person doesn’t have the same type of feelings for me, and I don’t want to think about that. I just want to do something nice for Valentine’s Day, and make this person happy, like this person deserves. Even if you figure out who it is, I don’t want to talk about it or hear your opinion about it. I just need to do this, to show how much this person means to me, and that’s it. I don’t expect anything to come from it.”

James stares at Remus for a moment, at the desperate, yet determined, look in his eyes. He sighs. “Okay, but you need to give me something to work with. Favourite colour, favourite animal, favourite food, favourite music?” James grabs a quill and a piece of parchment to note it all down.

“Favourite colour is golden, as it’s warm and reminding of Gryffindor. Has a weak spot for dogs, any kind of dog. Loves Pumpkin Pastries, preferably with that strong cheese, and is obsessed with Muggle candy bars, as they were never allowed growing up. Pretends to listen to The Blasting Skrewts, but secretly adores all the happy, romantic songs of the Muggle band The Beatles,” Remus says in one breath.

James holds the quill motionless above the parchment, not having written down a word, as he stares at Remus open-mouthed. Remus’ face has gone bright red as he looks down at his hands, refusing to meet James’ eyes.

I don’t want to talk about it or hear your opinion about it.

Remus’ words echo in James’ mind. He scrapes his throat. “So, eh, dogs, you said?”

Writing everything down suddenly seems a lot less urgent, as James has a strong suspicion he already knows quite a lot about what this person likes and dislikes.

James is sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the fireplace in the common room, playing chess with Peter, but his mind isn’t on the game. Remus is sitting on the couch reading a book, while absentmindedly threading his fingers through Sirius’ hair, who is lying on his back with his head in Remus’ lap.

It’s not weird to James. Remus and Sirius are always close together, like this, or sitting with their legs pressed against each other, wrapping an arm around each other, resting their head on the other’s shoulder.

Suddenly, though, it seems weird to James that he never thought it weird. He’s used to it when it’s Remus and Sirius, but he certainly doesn’t know any other friends who act so affectionately.

And then there’s the look. The look Sirius is giving Remus right now. The soft smile and the expression in his eyes. He looks at him fondly, admiringly, lovingly.

James is often called a mother-hen by his friends, and he always scolds when they do so, but in truth, James actually is very protective over his friends, especially Remus and Sirius. They’ve been through enough. Remus with his lonely childhood and painful condition, Sirius with his loveless childhood and abusive parents. James will be damned of he’s going to let anyone break their hearts, and whoever they start dating, it won’t be easy to gain the James Potter Seal of Approval.

But while thinking about who’d be good enough for his friends, he never considered this. But this, this could be good.

James is flipping through a catalogue. He doesn’t need to buy lilies this time. Perhaps roses? They’re cliché, sure, but set a romantic mood like no other. Definitely no rose petals, that’s more suited for private occasions.

Sirius plucks the catalogue out of his hands and flops down next to him on the bed. “Got any idea yet what you’re going to do for Evans this year?”

“No,” James says, resting back against the headboard. “I’ve been... busy.”

“Mmm,” Sirius replies absentmindedly, while flipping through the catalogue. His eyes remain on an add for floating candles for a moment, and James makes a mental note. “I love grand romantic gestures,” Sirius sighs.

“Well,” James says, taking the catalogue from his hands. “Maybe you can soon make them for the person you like.”

Sirius lets out a short laugh. “Not if that person hates grand romantic gestures.”

James rolls up the catalogue and smacks Sirius over the head with it. “Are you saying you have your eye on someone?” He gasps. “Padfoot, don’t tell me you’re seeing someone!”

Sirius throws a pillow at James’ head. “Don’t be daft, Prongs. Like I could be dating someone without you knowing.”

There’s a silence, in which James watches Sirius worryingly bite his lower lip.

“But,” he eventually says, hesitantly. “There might be someone that I... fancy.”

“Oh?” James says, sitting up more straight.

“”Yeah,” Sirius says with colouring cheeks. “But like I said, it’s someone who hates grand romantic gestures, who would prefer something small and intimate.”

“But if grand romantic gestures are more your style...”

Sirius shakes his head. “It’s not about me. I want to make this person happy, so it’s about what this person wants.”

James can barely contain his grin. Where has he heard that before?

He pretends to focus on the catalogue, but in reality he’s carefully watching the expression on Sirius’ face. “I suppose grand romantic gestures aren’t for everyone.” He tries to sound as casual as possible. “Some people would probably prefer something like, I don’t know, snuggling up together with a good book, drinking hot tea and eating chocolate?”

That fond smile is back on Sirius’ face, and he speaks without seeming to realise. “Yeah, he’d love that!”

James smiles to himself. Yes, this could definitely be good.

James is glad that he didn’t go with roses, but the floating candles are definitely a nice touch, spreading a soft light over the pile of blankets in front of the fire place. The huge stuffed dog wearing a t-shirt saying ‘Will you be my Valentine?’ is the exact right amount of cheesy. There’s a warming spell cast over the tray with Pumpkin Pastries, so they won’t cool down, and candy bars are spread all across the blankets. ‘Love Me Do’ from The Beatles is softly playing in the background.

Many other Gryffindors in the common room are giving the scene appreciating glances. Remus had wanted to set it up in their dorm, but James had convinced him that doing it publicly was part of the charm. It showed that you wanted the whole world to know how much you cared about your person.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Remus mutters nervously beside James.

“Nothing says romance more than a public declaration!” James says.

“Nothing says embarrassment more than a public rejection,” Remus argues.

James rolls his eyes. “I’ve been publicly rejected a great many times.”

“Yes, but you’re-” James looks at Remus with a raised eyebrow. “Special,” Remus finishes.

“It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks!” James says. “You’re showing the person you love how much you care, and that’s the only thing that matters.”

A soft smile appears on Remus’ lips.

“Now,” James pats Remus on his back. “You said your person will be here at four, right?” That happens to also be the time Sirius comes back from Advanced Arithmancy. “Well, I’m going to check real quick if-”

“James, can I tell you something?”

“We don’t have much time left, but we can talk tonight, or tomorrow morning if-”

“It’s Sirius!”

“So serious it can’t wait a while longer?”

Remus shakes his head. “No, I mean, my person, this person, it’s Sirius.”

James blinks at him. “Moony, did you really think I didn’t know that already? I helped you decide what dog looked most like Padfoot, I found Sirius’ Beatle records for you.”

Remus shrugs. “I thought you’d surely speak up if you knew. Tell me I’m being an idiot, that Sirius definitely doesn’t see me like that, that I should find someone not so obviously out of my league. And when you didn’t say anything...”

“You asked me not to say anything!”

“Yes, but I didn’t think you would’ve listened if you knew it was a hopeless crush on your best friend!”

“Moony,” James runs a hand through his hair. “Do you honestly think I’d let you do all of this had I thought it was hopeless?”

Remus just shrugs again.

“Look, Remus,” James says solemnly. “I’m not Sirius. I mean, I’m serious of course, but not Sirius. I can’t give you any answers or make you any promises, only he can do that, but I can tell you that I wouldn’t have let you gone through with all of this if I hadn’t thought you had a chance.”

“What’s this?”

James spins around to see that Sirius has climbed through the portrait hole. “Prongs, is this one of yours for Evans?”

“Nope,” James says. “This isn’t mine, and not for Evans. It’s for you.”

Sirius’ eyes widen and he looks again, this time taking in all the details that are exactly adapted to all his favourite things. His eyes widen even further. “Wow,” he whispers in awe. “Who...?”

“Turn around,” James grins.

Sirius whirls around. Remus is standing there, face flushed, holding a bouquet of roses (alright, maybe James didn’t go without roses completely). Sirius’ mouth drops opens and it’s hard to tell who’s blushing more, Remus or Sirius.

“Hi,” Remus says. “Hello. Hi. How’s it going? Nice to see you.”

James had told him to give the flowers first, with good reason, as Remus in his nerves is already subconsciously plucking the petals off.

“I like you,” Remus says. “I mean, of course I like you. We’ve been friends for years. It would’ve been rather odd if I never even liked you.”

James has to resist the urge to face-palm. He knew they should’ve written a speech out. It takes away the spontaneity, but at least it prevents this.

Remus lets out a deep sigh. “I like like you. To be honest, I’m quite smitten with you. I know how much you like grand romantic gestures, so I just wanted to give you one of your own. You deserve it, Sirius. You’re bloody great, you know that? Of course ridiculously good-looking, with those eyes, that hair and that smile. But also because you care so much. No matter what you do, you always give it your all. There’s nothing I admire more than the way you fight for what you believe in. What I love most, though, is how bloody happy you make me. You somehow make me feel good about myself, more than I ever thought possible. Knowing that you’re always there for me gives me more confidence than I even knew I had in me. You make me smile even on my worst days. I just want to make you happy the way you make me happy. I don’t expect you to feel the same way. This might not be what you had hoped for, I’m probably not who you wanted to do this, but I just want to make you smile in return, and let you know how much I appreciate- Padfoot? Padfoot, why are you crying? Please don’t cry! I wanted to make you smile! Do you hate it? Is this not what you wanted? Did I do it all wrong?”

“Remus, you absolute idiot!” Sirius says with a sniffle. “I’m crying because I’m happy! What else am I suppose to do with you saying all those outrageously, ridiculously, wonderful things?”

“So you do like it?”

“Like it?” Sirius shakes his head. “I love it, you bloody dunce!”

Remus still looks hesitantly. “So I didn’t do it wrong?”

Sirius laughs through his tears. “You did nothing wrong. Except maybe the part where you said you’re not who I wanted to do this. Of course I want it to be you. It’s you, Moony. Only you. It’s always been you.”

“Really?” Remus’ voice trembles.

“I’m completely gone for you, Moony.”

Remus face lights up in the brightest smile James has ever seen. He just stands there, beaming at Sirius.

Eventually, Sirius let’s out a shaky laugh. “Aren’t you supposed to be holding me or something?”

Remus drops the roses, which is probably for the best, and rushes towards him. His arms wrap around Sirius’ waist and Sirius’ arms wrap around his neck, while he hides his face against Remus’ shoulder.

Cheers erupt from the people watching, but Remus and Sirius don’t notice, being in their own little world as they are. Sirius lifts up his head, meets Remus’ eyes, and the next moment, with the sound of even more cheers echoing through the room, Remus kisses him.

James starts shooing people out of the room. That’s enough for the public part.

“Was this your work?”

James spins around to see Lily stand behind him, arms crossed over her chest.

“It was Remus’ idea,” James says truthfully. “But I helped with the execution.”

Lily takes a few steps forward and looks up at him with those magnificent, enchanting green eyes.

James has trouble remembering how to breath.

“All this,” Lily sighs. “And all I got was a box of chocolate.”

“I’m sorry!” James blurts out. “I was busy! I just didn’t have time...”

Lily chuckles, leans forward, presses a kiss against his cheek, and whispers in his ear. “You better up your game for next year, Potter.”

[arieswonjin]

open seams; full

pairings: ham wonjin x femme!reader

genre: fluff, angst, friends to lovers au 

word count: 8.6k

navigation: teaser 

warnings: alcohol and intoxication, use of sharp objects, minor injury

song inspo: all my love | playlist 

a/n: this is for a fic exchange with @cravitywriters' first batch of members :> apologies this came a bit late >

masterlist | request here! | how to request |

it took close to forever to find the perfect spot for the shop of your dreams. in this city and in these times, it took a lot of guts to even decide to run one. 

the rent uptown was crazy expensive and the high-fashion atmosphere dimmed the charm of your minimalist garments. the spots downtown were cheap, yes, but you had to deal with creaky and moldy floors, noisy air conditioning, and rude neighbors. it was a definite no-go. but after months and months, with pages of crossed-out vacancy lists and even deeper sighs, you found just the perfect home for your handmade pieces.

the small studio was a few minutes away from the main street and the subway station. the road it was on was lined with street art on both sides, there was decent foot-traffic, and a good number of cars passing by—a haven for independent brands. plus, the landlady who lived upstairs was a middle-aged woman who, as it seemed, made it a habit to bring you her homemade rice cakes almost daily. you liked to think that this, along with the reasonable rent, was a bonus from fate. 

you found the place on a random walk with a close friend. it was his idea—wonjin said you needed some fresh air after only having fruitless searches for weeks. at least that’s what you thought he meant by “go home and shower, at least,” and “c’mon, let’s go on a walk before you start to have nightmares about landlords.” who would’ve thought you’d find this place when you weren’t even looking? 

the meager amount you saved up from commissions and tips while you took up different part-time jobs and sold custom pieces was enough to pay for a few months as you got your new brand established. the place wasn’t much—just enough to hold five racks of clothes, a tiny storage room, a display area, a bit of walking space—and you had to rely on your old equipment for now, but you already loved the shop dearly because it was your own. 

it took a lot of heart, a lot of meals consisting of just ramyeon, a lot of needle pricks…

and a very willing model.

“ow!” a cry of pain followed by a trail of childish laughter from the same person echoed off of the walls of your empty shop. it was almost evening and the clear glass door let in a ray of orange sunlight, shining over rolls of fabric, spools of thread, and several sketches that littered your shop’s floor. it was the typical scene: you with your eyebrows furrowed in focus and your noisy yet undoubtedly helpful friend wonjin with unsewn fabric and pins over his own clothes as he stood on a small platform. even your bickering was part of the routine you’ve established the past few weeks as you prepared for opening day. seven days left!

“i’m sorry!” you withdrew the hand holding the tiny culprit, looking closely at the spot on wonjin’s shoulder which you pricked. “i promise i’ll be done in a quick minute. maybe if you put your phone down for a while…” you muttered the last part, meaning for him to hear it anyway. inside, you were thankful that he has been patient with you as you did your thing, but you just couldn’t resist an opportunity to jab at ham wonjin with your remarks. after such, he was nearly impossible to shut up.

but that’s just wonjin being wonjin and that’s what always made you want him around. 

“y/n, i came to be your volunteer model, not a pin cushion.” he jabbed back and teased you, waiting for the reaction he now memorized and repeatedly coaxed out of you just for kicks: a roll of the eyes followed by a swing of the hand aimed at him which you never followed through with. nonetheless, he fake-dodged on instinct and laughed, as you knew he would.   

“stay still or i’ll prick you intentionally, wonjin.” 

“‘young male found pricked to death by owner of up-and-coming clothing brand…’ imagine that headline.” he trailed off and now stayed still as he chatted you up. you appreciated this, the light and familiar company as you worked to enter the unfamiliar territory that is your new business. you shook your head at his nonsense and smiled to yourself. 

it was only when you locked the final stitch that evening that you leaned back and realized just how long your day has been—your eyes and back were sore, your hands were all tight and in need of a break, and your head refused to recall your designs anymore. your body was telling you to wrap the day up. 

“what do you want?” you sighed and opened one of your eyes after a satisfying stretch. wonjin was standing in front of you with his palms extended and an unreadable expression on his face. what did he want? 

“your hands. hurry.” a momentary pause with your mind almost going blank. my hands?  “i want to try that thing you do with your knuckles when you’re done with work.” he finally stepped forward and grabbed both of your hands, making you take a few seconds to comprehend what he meant. it must be the exhaustion that’s making your brain function slower than it usually does. or maybe it’s this proximity. 

“you mean cracking them?” you asked as you looked up at him from your seat. 

“mhmm.” wonjin started to crack your knuckles one by one, commenting on how loud the sound from each finger was. this was an absurd scene, really, but you couldn’t deny how amusing it was to watch him and how such a simple gesture relieved a good amount of your tiredness. 

“tsk.” it was all you could say after he cracked the last pinky, his hands lingering on yours a few seconds after. “okay, that’s enough, you’re going to injure me,” you grunted as you stood up and walked past him towards the storage room, hiding a now pink face. 

“opening day is in exactly a week.” wonjin thought aloud as he started to pick up the clutter on the floor. “that’s still a lot of time, you know. why don’t you take tomorrow off? go to a sauna or something.” he offered the idea even though he knew so, so well that you were going to be fast to turn it down. it was too bad that you had no plans of pausing until opening day. maybe then he would’ve found the time to show you a little something he was working on. it was worth a shot, he thought. i’ll give it a few more days. 

“no can do. i still have to work on jungmo’s piece. you’re bringing him over tomorrow, right?”

“if the free barbecue for us is still up… then, yes.” wonjin beamed, proud that he landed a good deal after convincing one of your friends to model for you. honestly, you believed the effort he’s been exerting for you and your shop was worth far more than a barbecue treat, but he insisted that he would accept nothing more than that. 

ham wonjin always had a knack for being thoughtful without being obvious about it and it has indeed grown on you although you were quite slow to admit it to yourself. 

“i’ll tell him to brace for the pin pricks.” 

“pft.” you rolled your eyes at him and started to help clear out the shop before both of you got ready to leave. “let’s get coffee before walking home? it’s on me.” with a casual ruffle of wonjin’s hair, a silent thanks from you to him, met with a subsequent shake of his head to rearrange it, you closed the shop up with an unexpectedly light heart.

it was just another one out of many nights you spent walking home to the same neighborhood and it went by as it always did—seeing the bold words and symbols spray-painted on the walls of the street you were in, hearing him tell you about how cool they looked at night to which you responded as enthusiastically, pointing out newer and smaller details every time you walked past them—yet it never got old or boring.

silently, you wished the next seven days would unfold perfectly, just like how things were then and there in that small city street. 

help, he’s been talking about you since we sat down. come quickly.

a text message from jungmo pulled you out of your sleepy train of thought as you stood on the crowded subway, three stops away from your destination: to a breakfast cafe where you planned to meet with wonjin and jungmo before working on the piece for your new model. 

from a face that was barely awake came a blush that’s been finding its way there quite often recently. you’ve been trying to send away your suspicions that you were growing fonder and fonder of wonjin and your attempts would usually be successful if not for text messages like this. a fraction of the blame for your confusion goes to your friends for their persistent hints and teases. they may as well be just that: meaningless hints and empty teases stemming from the constant bickering that your friends found cute and endearing. the fact that you and wonjin were almost joined at the hip for the past few months didn’t help. neither did his clinginess which you suddenly start to look for on days he was too busy with his own matters to drop by. 

the casual offers to walk you home, the few seconds he spends wordless and silent when you get too close as you worked on his pieces, or the smallest gestures to help you out with the shop were all subjected to your overthinking. but nevermind all that. you didn’t have plans of telling anyone about this anyway. a short reply would suffice for now.

bleh. i’m almost there.

your face glowed as you got closer and closer to the cafe. no one would have been able to tell that you were stressing over a million little things about the imminent opening day. for reasons you couldn’t put a finger on, you wanted to at least overhear a hint of what wonjin was saying about you before you sat down and kept a straight face in front of him again. anything; the smallest compliment, the most mundane story about how you spent time together, anything that could fuel you up for the next few days knowing that thoughts of you lived in his head too. all that after denying to acknowledge any feelings. way to be fickle, y/n, you thought to yourself. 

entering the packed and brightly-decorated cafe, you approached the two friends who’ve already ordered their meals. huh, thanks a lot. from behind the booth table they picked out, you slowed down, planning on intentionally not making your presence known until you were almost seated. 

your face dropped the very second their conversation reached earshot. 

“it’s beginning to become burdensome. i don’t think we even match. it’s never going to happen. just a few more days and i swear—i’m done,” you heard this in wonjin’s unmistakable voice, with a tone of annoyance that went straight through your chest. 

“i see.” jungmo nodded and the two continued digging into their breakfast, still unaware of your arrival. 

you took this as an opportunity to turn your heels and retrace your steps to the subway station, sending jungmo a quick text before you wallowed in your scattered thoughts. you felt the heat radiating from your face but now for a much different reason.

if there were two things you hated the most in the world, it was being lied to and unnecessarily troubling the people you cared about. it felt worse hearing both from wonjin’s mouth. this was the same person who’s been there for you for months while you built the shop from the ground up, the same person who’s seemingly been helping you unconditionally. you were at a loss about who to blame: yourself for not noticing how much your shop was demanding from him or wonjin for keeping all this pent-up annoyance behind your back.

last night, when you imagined how the rest of your week would pan out, you didn’t expect to see yourself inside a packed subway train, desperately keeping your tears from pouring. 

“that’s weird. y/n just said she went directly to the shop instead. urgent.” jungmo perked up at your sudden message, eyes on his phone as he ate the last slice of his pancake.

“what? y/n didn’t text me anything after she said she was a station away. she would’ve told me.” wonjin looked around the cafe, sure that jungmo was mistaken and half-expecting to see you meters away from their table. “i already ordered for her though…”

“she’s asking me to come by quickly so she can finish fitting the pieces. it won’t take until lunch, right?” jungmo’s question went unnoticed as a now preoccupied wonjin kept his eyes on the untouched plate in front of him. 

“so stubborn, tsk. really can’t get her hands off her work. one of these days she’s going to get sick. and you know she lives alone so—”

“dude. now that we’re back to y/n, you’re chattering again. just finish your food so i can go get fitted.” 

wonjin sighed and furrowed his eyebrows, inwardly worried about your sudden change of plans and ready to nag at you for not giving yourself even the slightest break. what is she doing not giving herself even half an hour for breakfast? this fool.

there was barely any room for the sound of the shop’s door chimes, which signaled the two’s arrival, with wonjin’s trail of nags starting before he was even entirely inside. hearing all this from the storage room where you were distracting yourself by reorganizing your fabrics, you let out a deep sigh and hoped your eyes did not look too red and swollen before you stepped out. this is stupid, you thought. you had no time for delays but your emotions were getting the best of you. if you were going to finish your work, it had to be without him.

“y/n, at this rate you’re going to tire yourself out and get sick on opening day. we agreed last night you’d be at the cafe to at least stuff yourself with this before the long day,” wonjin took no breaths in between, placing the paper bag containing your forgotten breakfast on top of your work counter. “then suddenly you say you aren’t going anymore. did the racks arrive early? why did you suddenly—“ 

“thanks for coming, jungmo.” you greeted the older male, cutting off wonjin's monologue without even looking at him. jungmo just nodded and shrugged, obviously used to the dynamic between his two friends who were in front of him. he simply sat down on one of the wooden stools and started keeping himself busy with his phone. you felt bad that he had to be caught in the middle of this, but between confronting your feelings and doing what had to be done for the shop, you were sure you were much more ready to do the latter. “this won’t take that long, don’t worry.”

“did you hear me just now…? sit down and eat first, y/n.” wonjin started to sense that something was up with the way you paced around busily as you got your materials ready and purposely avoided his eyes.    

“i thought i texted you not to come,” a muttered statement was finally sent his way—a weak acknowledgment of his presence—but you were still looking at anything but him. from your peripheral vision, you saw wonjin getting his phone out to check what you meant. 

“huh… i didn’t see that…” his usual speaking volume started to drop, a sign that you knew meant he was genuinely puzzled.

“now that you have…” you kept a straight face and mustered the heart to look at him, trying to act as nonchalant as you could even though you knew that the next words out of your mouth were not you. “go home. or somewhere else, at least… spare yourself the burden of being stuck here again.”

“what are you talking about?” he started to laugh to try and lighten up the rising tension, a habit of his. is this some kind of prank? he thought to himself and searched your expression for some giveaways. “is jungmo replacing me?” when he saw that you weren’t laughing along, he paused.  

“no time for questions, okay, wonjin? it’s time to go, i need to get to work and this isn’t helping. please go.” it took everything in you to keep yourself calm and collected and you didn’t know how many more questions you could dodge. why am i being so emotional, damn it.

“what do you mean ‘go?’” wonjin tried to laugh again, albeit a softer, less confident one. “this shop’s practically home... did something happen on the way here?” 

“go as in...you don’t need to drop by anymore. i’m almost done with everything.” a total lie.

“i know you’ll do well by yourself, y/n, but you know i don’t mind helping. it’s not a big deal.” wonjin reassured, stepping forward as if this would prove his point. to your annoyance, he went on to bring your takeout breakfast out of its bag and proceeded to prepare the food on your work counter, all the while nagging at you for being the stubborn person you were. “it must be the hunger, y/n. come here and eat.”

you, on the other hand, kept your distance and contained a painful laugh. it was almost funny comparing what you heard earlier to the words he was saying right now. what was he playing at?  “it must be tiring, huh? just go, okay? you don’t need to do all this. no one’s forcing you. i’ll be fine here.” 

he sighed. “just tell me what’s going on. pushing me away like this when i don’t know what i’ve done? you’re being a bit hurtful right now,” wonjin’s last strands of patience were barely keeping him together, matching your slowly rising temper.

“trust me, i’ve heard worse. go.” your gaze pierced through him for a good few seconds until jungmo, who’s been slowly realizing that things were getting serious, pulled wonjin away before he blurted things out in frustration. the way wonjin looked right now was as if his questions were visibly jumping out of him. there’s never been an exchange this intense between the two of you no matter how much you bickered and everyone in the room knew it. 

reaching his limit, wonjin shook free from jungmo and briskly walked out of the shop, leaving a strange silence after the chimes died down. 

the next couple of days consisted of wonjin keeping himself from going back to the shop and you trying to dodge jungmo’s probing questions as you worked. even after countless attempts to rethink what he did that day, he was still clueless about what prompted you to deny any help or to avoid him entirely. the years of friendship you had meant that he knew you were not the type of person to dismiss others without any good reason. 

but his pride went head to head with his worry and this led him to spend consecutive late nights with unsent messages, apologies written and deleted, calls not made, and questions not asked. after all, what was he going to apologize for? if anything, he believed he deserved an apology for being sent away without explanations. with this thought, wonjin would pull on his hair in frustration because of how childish he sounded in his head. 

just when i thought things were going well between us. just when he was ready to tell you how, with your passion and perseverance and, he admitted, maybe a bit of your friends’ little remarks on how you two looked good together, you’ve slowly made a friend fall for you in the span of the past few months. 

“okay, get this. there’ll be new collections every month and they’ll all be themed after the zodiacs. but i wonder if i can come up with pieces that fast? or how about i do quarterly collections? maybe that’ll be better, releasing three designs altogether…i just wonder if i can keep that up for the whole year. would anyone even show up to buy my stuff? what do you think? god, i don’t even have a name for my shop yet.” 

several months ago, when the shop still seemed out of reach and it felt impossible to settle on a place to start your business, you would cheer yourself up by picturing the ideal: your shop all decked and ready, packed with people shopping for your new collections, appreciating the hours of hard work that went into each handmade piece. with every spurt of excitement, wonjin would just be the constant cheerleader and voice of reason, both supporting you and bringing you back down to reality.

“why are you looking at me like that, ham wonjin?” you turned to get a view of the boy seated beside you on the bus stop, an uncharacteristically wordless wonjin, his head slightly tilted away with a downward gaze at you, an amused look on his face. the day was almost coming to an end, a full day spent walking around town, lists of units for rent on hand.  

“nothing. i think that’s a good idea.” he smiled and looked up to think. “but it sounds like you’ll be wearing yourself out. what about doing monthly collections when you find more help?” 

“you’ve got a point.” you considered this but you were nonetheless excited about the potential this little shop holds.  “anyway, let’s go. i still have a lot of open seams to sew.” 

“open seams.” wonjin repeated.

“yeah, the unfinished pieces. remember? the shop? me? sewing? clothes?” you teased, acting out every word like a mime. 

“no, dummy. open seams. the name of your shop. it sounds catchy doesn’t it?” it was wonjin’s turn to get excited and your turn to find amusement in his enthusiasm. “didn’t you say open seams look unfinished but that’s what gives them the edge?” 

“wow, i can’t believe you actually listen to me blabber about seams.” 

wonjin whined at this, defending himself and saying that he always listened. you said the new name, again and again, testing out how it felt to say and how it sounded. “open seams. it does sound great...” 

that hug out of nowhere and the strong tug at his hand pulling him towards the bus that just stopped in front of the both of you was all he could remember as he walked home that night. the very next morning after that encounter, he set off to a certain street art-lined street with your shop in mind after finding an online listing for a vacancy that was just the perfect price, the perfect size, and on the perfect street that would soon be housing your pieces of art. 

pulling his mind back to the present and attempting to keep it from wandering to you again, he made himself busy with the only other thing he had going on: the last few days of a low-paying multimedia job he impulsively committed to and is now regretting. he stretched in his chair, his phone kept in place with his cheek and shoulder.

“how’s that media job you were talking about the other day? still a burden?” jungmo’s calls have been the only thing keeping wonjin in touch with what’s going on in the shop. even if he didn’t ask, the reliable hyung kept him up to date with the last set of preps and your occasional breakdowns. 

“it’s a definite no-match. i’ve got three days left and i just want to make a run for it.” wonjin looked at all the uninteresting piles of manuals haphazardly stacked on his home desk, a reflection of how much he despised working this job from home. truth be told, he would much rather be working with you downtown. “how are things?”

“you mean, how’s y/n?” 

“you know what i mean.” 

“she’s out to eat with yuna right now after refusing a hundred times. we’re staying with her until tonight, though, so don’t worry.”

“alright.” wonjin sighed, feeling powerless that he was of no help to ease your load yet still refusing to do anything about it. 

“just talk to each other, for god’s sake! you both sound terrible-” jungmo shouted through the phone, pleading to his younger friend. “do you even know how many times i tried to ask y/n about what happened between you two? seventy-seven times, wonjin. seventy-seven times. yes, i counted-”

“i’m hanging up.” wonjin tossed the phone away making it land somewhere among the stack of items on his messy desk. a few seconds after he rudely ended the call, a text message from a persistent jungmo. dinner still on tonight. you have to come with us, dude. 

you didn’t know what came over you. there were only three days left until your shop’s opening day. there were still several patterns to cut up, clothing pieces that needed to be sewn together, and more people to invite for your brand to gain traction, yet you were here at a nearby barbecue place, giving in to your friends’ requests for you to let loose for a few hours with a couple of shots of alcohol, good food, and conversations that held until several hours after midnight. 

anyone would’ve noticed how tense you’ve become in a span of a few days—from the tired yet happy y/n who’s excited to get to work every morning despite the imminent deadline to an irritable, downcast y/n who wouldn’t keep their eyes and ears off of their work and nothing else. 

and yes, everyone knew the reason behind this sudden change in work attitude.  it was an open secret: the sudden and unexplainable drift between you and wonjin, previously an inseparable pair of friends, and both of your unwillingness to patch it up. your friends decided that mentioning it to either of you was just like nudging a rock on the side of a cliff, especially with an important occasion happening soon. 

for wonjin, there was a mix of pride and confusion. why were you suddenly pushing him away when he was closer to you than he ever was? he never left your side as you built your shop from the ground up only for you to passive-aggressively refuse any further help a week before opening day. he deserved a proper explanation, but he would almost worry himself into sleep deprivation thinking about how important opening day was to you. it was either he asked you directly and tip the delicate mind balance you had as you got things in order or he could wait it out and almost go crazy at the mere thought of not hearing a peep from you. 

for you, it was pure disappointment. in yourself or him, you were not sure. all you wanted was to stay sane for the time being and you told yourself that this was only possible if you didn’t see or hear him anywhere near you. you’ve heard how he truly felt, you heard it crystal clear, so there was nothing else to talk about. after all, if he saw you as a burden, why push any further? 

so alas, there you were, with a small group of friends and a whole night to spend without any of your handmade pieces or clothed mannequins.  

slow down? you repeated in your head once you heard jungmo and yuna’s invitation to tonight’s mini get-together. slowing down just made you remember how dull the days have been ever since you sent wonjin away that morning. stupid, talkative, playful wonjin who gave you the best, most comforting company. slowing down made you miss him, but you weren’t going to say that out loud. 

this was probably what the sober you would have thought, but your slurred speech and buffering mind, now clouded with the two bottles of alcohol you’ve consumed that night, begged to differ. you were now in a state of zero filter and total unawareness of the faces swimming around you.

“burdensome? tsk. so i was burdensome to him, huh?” you laughed bitterly and roughly downed another shot of soju, using the back of your hand to trap any spills from your lips. “idiot. wonjin is an idiot. if you didn’t want to stay close to me, just tell me, damn it!” you shouted, repeatedly stomping your feet on the floor like a child.

your incoherent sentences, flushed cheeks, and unfocused eyes were what welcomed wonjin when he arrived at your table, half-jogging. jungmo, who has been carefully watching you since you asked for your second bottle, gave him an apologetic look and shrugged, gesturing to the empty bottles in front of you. “look, i know you refused to come and eat dinner with us but i had to call you. you live the closest to y/n.” 

wonjin shook his head and laughed, half in disbelief and half in amusement. and here he thought he was going to spend his night cooped up with work to get you out of his head. “has she been calling me names all night?” 

“you have no idea. good luck.” he patted wonjin’s back and watched as he pulled you up from your seat, 

“let’s go, y/n. you can continue talking shit about me on the way home, okay?” wonjin’s tone was gentle as if he was testing the waters. the last thing he wanted was for you to lash out at him then and there. first, he needed to get you home. you two can talk some other time. hopefully.

“who’s this purple-haired clown? why is your hair purple like wonjin’s? are you his twin? is that idiot your twin?” it was a surprise you even managed to get those words out in between hiccups. 

“idiot? you’re the idiot, getting drunk like this.” wonjin muttered under his breath. he still struggled to pull you up and support your body weight but what he found was that the best way to keep you conscious was to indulge you in conversation.

 and that he did as he walked you to the usual bus stop where you two always sat and waited for the last trip.

“…if you see him around, tell him this for me.” you started, unknowingly leaning your head on his shoulder, giving into the heaviness you felt around your temples. in your drunken state, you genuinely thought you were talking to a pure stranger. 

“hmm?” wonjin looked down at you, softening as he saw you with your eyes tightly shut as you repressed nausea. “what should i tell him?  

“tell him—tell him i need to know how to forget him… he needs to tell me— how to do that…even for just a few days… okay? you’ll tell him?” there was no way you could have stopped your subconscious from pouring out. it was the truth told as it was: all you wanted was to get through the next few days without the hassle of whatever emptiness it was that you felt.  

“why don’t you tell him yourself?” wonjin let his head lean against yours, sighing the millionth sigh between the both of you since a few days ago. “and what if he doesn’t know how to do that either, with you?” 

“why do you have so many questions?!”  you grabbed his arm and shook it non-stop, making him laugh at how ridiculous you looked and sounded with your unfocused eyes and the non-sense you were spouting. “don’t ask me questions because i don’t know, okay?! i just miss ham wonjin!”

wonjin froze for a few seconds, simply blinking at you and at the words you were saying over and over again. when he finally recovered, he calmed you down and leaned your head on his shoulder again. “he says he feels the same way.”

a head-splitting ache woke you up at ten in the morning the next day, only two days before the most awaited opening day. the last thing you remembered from last night was being halfway through your second bottle of soju and your friends jungmo, yuna, and serim telling you to slow down. it didn’t really take a lot to guess that you didn’t listen to them. 

after a few slow minutes of debating whether or not you can get up and get on with your day in one piece, you eventually pulled your blankets off of you and figured that you'd live with the consequences of last night’s choices. besides, you couldn’t skip a crucial preparation day. after sending your three friends a quick thank-you message for getting you home safely, your phone lit up again with a message. you did a double-take at the new notification that just arrived; it was a text message from wonjin. are you up?

three days of silence and all he asks me is if i’m up? you grunted, refused to open the message in question, and, seeing no point in dwelling, went on with the rest of your routine. you didn’t know what else you wanted to read from that text, but you sure weren’t expecting to see such a casual question after literally not having heard a peep from each other for days. if you were being honest, you half-expected him to arrive at dinner last night. 

but whatever that text meant, you didn’t want to use your head, which at the moment felt like it weighs a ton, to think about it. 

your forehead in your hands as you navigate around your now-sunlit studio apartment, you hoped that the last-minute invitations, quality checks, and tidying up would keep you busy enough to forget the fact that, last night, you could’ve sworn you dreamt of wonjin and how he sat beside you on a bus ride home. 

“and there she is, fighting through the aftermath of alcohol.” yuna greeted loudly and met you halfway as you approached your shop on foot. last night, the three offered to be your manpower for the next few days which is why she, jungmo, and serim were all waiting for you out on the sidewalk, eyes squinted because of the sunlight and their mild hangovers. 

“do we get some kind of prize that we arrived earlier than you?” serim asked as the four of you entered. 

“coffee, as always.” this was met by a cheer from jungmo who wasted no time in attending to the shop decor which was still packed in boxes. “don’t worry, guys. if my shop does well, it’s meat for everyone.” 

“it’s settled then.” yuna clapped and got everyone’s attention. “okay, team. to your usual tasks. serim, light fixtures. jungmo, decor. me, storage. y/n, create.” 

“jungmo’s taller, why do i get the light fixtures?” 

you smiled sincerely for the first time in a few days, touched that they’re taking time off from their days to get the shop together, to get you together. “oh, and guys, sorry about last night. feel free to curse at me. i must’ve been so heavy.” you sat down in front of your work counter, fighting back a cringe. after numerous nights out, you just knew they had a treasure chest full of embarrassing stories to haunt you with. you were thankful no one else was there to see you wiped out. 

“hmm, you must’ve.” a knowing smile from a mischievous serim to jungmo and yuna. “but we wouldn’t know. right, guys?”

“yeah, y/n. i don’t know, i brought serim to his home.” yuna shared, trying to sound innocent but failing as she shouted from the storage room. 

“and i went home alone because i wasn’t drunk.” jungmo followed without missing a single beat. now you were utterly confused. did these three just call a cab on you or did you walk yourself home? you looked at the three of them one by one, their questionable smiling faces met with the most puzzled look on your face. 

“all i know is…” jungmo started, keeping himself from breaking out in laughter before he could get his words out.  “you called him a purple-haired idiot. that’s it.” 

“what?!” you stood up abruptly, making your chair tumble back with a thud. 

and just then, you started to recall bits and pieces of last night, starting from the vague bus ride that, until a few moments ago, you thought was just a dream. what in the world did i do now?

“y/n, i’ll help you up, okay? we’re almost at our stop.” wonjin pulled you up from your bus seat where you’ve been half-asleep on his shoulder. putting his arms around you as he guided you down the vehicle and onto the sidewalk, he repeatedly apologized to the bus driver for the delay. wonjin could only nod and laugh at the friendly reply from the middle-aged man who shouted ‘take your girlfriend home safely!’ he silently wondered how sober y/n would have reacted to such a remark. 

just as the two of you stepped down, a splattering against the ground made both of you stop in your tracks. 

“good heavens,” wonjin muttered as he rubbed your back and looked at the part of his shoes that was now covered in whatever it was you had for dinner a while ago. “you know, y/n, i wonder if you’d remember this once you pass by this mess tomorrow morning. looks like you enjoyed your barbecue too much.” wonjin joked, still not halting the backrubs as you were doubled over with your hands on your knees. 

when you looked up at him after that spiel, all you could do was smile apologetically and giggle, eyes half-open. “let’s go home. i’m tired.”

“are you all done? you’re not going to throw up on my shirt or anything?” wonjin pulled you away from the side of the road, leading you to the direction of your apartment. “you have to tell me your apartment password so you can go in, okay?”

“you have to guess it. you’re never going to guess it!” you pulled away from his hold and ran around him in circles, getting a thrill from how light you started to feel after letting some of the alcohol out. 

jogging to catch up with you, wonjin shouted, “y/n, slow down you’re gonna hurt yourself! aish. this child.” 

“i threw up on him.” you said out loud to no one in particular. the text from this morning, your friend’s teasing smiles, and the blurry, dream-like memories on the bus meant that wonjin did make it to dinner last night just when you were in no state of mind to remember when exactly he arrived. “i threw up on him outside my home... jungmo, it was you who called him, wasn’t it?! guys?!”

the laughter that filled the room after that and the whines of a terrified jungmo who wanted none of your punches were muffled by the sound of the door chimes tingling, signaling someone’s arrival. you almost snapped your neck as you hurried to see who it was. 

“hi, dear.” instead of a particular young male, you were met with the sight of the friendly landlady from upstairs, a plate of her usual handmade treats on hand, and a welcoming smile on her face. you mentally flicked yourself for involuntarily expecting someone else. “rice cakes?” 

“oh, auntie. it’s you.” the relief in your tone made your friends snicker. “thank you, you didn’t have to...” 

“why so surprised, dear? were you expecting someone?” she asked, waving at the set of friends bustling away inside the shop with the same annoying smiles on their faces. “oh that’s right. where’s that lovely boy, wonjin?”

“lovely boy,” serim whispered and bit back a laugh, earning him a glare from you. 

“he can’t make it today, auntie,” you explained shortly, politely getting the plate of rice cakes from her hands. 

“that’s too bad. it’s almost opening day.” she looked around the shop, satisfied by how it’s starting to look compared to the bare and boring unit she used to clean every day. “you worked your magic in this place. it feels just like yesterday when he was begging me to keep this small spot reserved for a day.”

“what do you mean?” 

“wonjin, that boy! remember? he was here the day before both of you passed by to finally rent it? ”

“i- i didn’t know that, auntie.” 

all this time, you thought you both found the place by chance and now here you were finding out that he was the one who made sure open seams happened. the walk you took that day wasn’t such a random one after all. what was up with the universe today and its not-so-subtle way of telling you to let wonjin back into your mind and your life? him taking you home last night and now this; whatever happened to the burdensome y/n he was talking about? 

“aaaand, another secret’s out.” yuna walked out of the storage room, a box of spools in hand. she beamed at the landlady who took a few seconds to figure out what she just revealed. 

“oh. oops.” the landlady sheepishly turned back and started to push the door open, ready to take her leave. “i think that’s my cue. see you around, dear.”

“see you around, auntie!” your three friends greeted her when she was out of the shop. they turned their heads back to you who had nothing but a blank stare and mouth agape, the gears almost visibly turning inside your head. 

“so now will you tell us what’s been going on between you two? it’s just weird knowing about all that and seeing you guys refuse to make up. both of you aren’t looking so good either, you know?” serim asked after giving you a few seconds to think. 

you sighed, leaning on the side of the table for support. “that day at the breakfast cafe, he said all this was getting kind of heavy and burdensome. that he couldn’t wait for it to end.” you decided to tell them once and for all about how you felt. “and that we were never going to happen.”

“y/n. you’re so stupid. ow!” jungmo concluded, earning him a smack to both shoulders by serim and yuna. “he was talking about that job he had! if you stayed longer and ate with us, you would’ve heard how smitten he was even if he wouldn’t admit it. i can see right through him.” jungmo explained in a high-pitched tone that reflected how frustrated he has been with the two of you. “now that i think about it, you’re both stupid.”

smitten? you took in everything jungmo just said and remembered every word you blurted out when you sent wonjin away that morning. finding out that he had another job all while helping you out with the shop for the past few months made you regret how you acted even more. it frustrated you that you’ve been too preoccupied to even ask about him. this is all on me. why did i act so rashly?  “i’m so stupid.”

“are we just now finally finding out that this was all a big misunderstanding?” yuna piped up, breaking the silence. 

“and are you telling me that it almost took a fallout for you to finally see the feelings you had for each other? these kids,” serim added, raising both hands in defeat.

different variations of ‘i knew it’ and ‘it’s about time’ as well as ‘idiots’ filled the shop as you were still frozen in place. you knew you had to apologize to wonjin, but where were you even going to start? with that encounter at the cafe? with how bad you felt for invalidating his heart to help you and rudely pushing him away? with everything you think you blurted out on that drunk night? or maybe how you actually felt for him?

can you meet me here in 30 minutes?

it took wonjin less than a heartbeat to reply to your message asking about where he was. even though you were the one who was out of it last night, he couldn’t help but worry over his own impulses. if you remembered everything he told you while he thought you were drunk and asleep, he had no choice but to explain it to you while you were fully-sober. and the thought of finally confronting you about everything made the usually-confident and talkative wonjin tongue-tied. 

“hey.” you turned the corner of the small side-street where wonjin asked to meet and found him leaning against one of the street art-ridden walls, waiting for you. it was a spot near your shop but one that you didn’t pass by as frequently. an odd choice of a meeting place, but you figured he wanted to talk to you without your friends overhearing. 

“here of all places?” you struck up a conversation albeit awkwardly, buying yourself time before the long apology.

he pointed to the wall behind him, looking at it up and down. “i was supposed to show you this sooner since they finished it early but…”

behind him was a small piece of street art. open seams, it said in the colors you usually used for your handmade pieces and in the style you designed for your simple logo. you softened not only at the thought that this shop was becoming a reality but also at how wonjin did this despite your missteps the past few days. at this point, you no longer knew if you were even worthy of him and his thoughtfulness.

“...you were supposed to show me this sooner but i was terrible to you, and i’m sorry. you didn’t deserve that. after everything... i don’t know if saying thank you would even be enough. that morning-” 

“you look like you just lost a million won, y/n.” his reply cut you off, earning him a roll of your eyes to which he merely responded with a playful laugh. “auntie told you, huh? i knew i couldn’t trust her and her rice cakes.” wonjin joked again, now more relaxed than he was moments ago now that things are starting to look up between the both of you. if there was anything that he needed for comfort the past few days, it was the presence that he’s gotten so used to. 

“i’ve had quite the morning, you know.” you told him as you eased into the conversation. “finding out you were the one who brought me home last night, finding out i wouldn’t have gotten the unit if not for you, and finding out i was mad at you over something i misunderstood. all this time.” 

what proceeded was a detailed apology you practiced in your head beforehand. wonjin just laughed at how fast you were talking and he didn’t forget to give the occasional side comments to reassure you that he was still the old, talkative, and witty ham wonjin that you didn’t have to act differently around. you knew in yourself that this was one of the things you missed badly. 

the weight you felt in your chest turned lighter as every bit of misunderstanding cleared out.  “...all that because i didn’t even stop to think that one morning. i’m sorry…” 

he delayed his response for a while, suddenly making you worry that he had more to be upset about. but he eventually nodded and waved away any remaining tension. “apology accepted.” wonjin ruffled your hair just like you always did with his. “we’re good. but do you remember anything else?” 

“except for the fact that i threw up on your shoes, no, i don’t remember doing anything else.”  

“the shoes were one thing.” he scratched his head and talked in such a low volume and such high speed  you couldn’t even comprehend what he was saying just to tease you. “but not even me telling you i liked you while you were all leaning on my shoulder at the bus and that whole speech i said about falling for you after i tucked you in?” 

“what? you said what when i was tucked in?!” you leaned in to hear him, only catching remnants of what you suspected was a confession. 

“ah, too bad. it was a one-time subscription, so you’d have to pay to hear it again.” he shrugged.

“you little- just tell me! it’s not like it’ll be any more embarrassing than me pouring out my stomach contents on the sidewalk for everyone to see.” you stepped forward wanting to hear more from him but he shook his head and refused to tell you anything further. the mischievous smile on his face as he paced around to avoid your probing weirdly made your heart beat faster. “fine. i was planning to tell you about something important but i guess you don’t want to hear it-”

“i don’t need to. i already know your apartment password is my birthday.” he stopped pacing and expectantly searched your face for confirmation despite not needing it. “right, y/n? 032201?” he repeated the numbers again and again just to coax a reaction out of you, his favorite thing to do. 

“wh- what are you talking about?” holy-.  if there were any more of this kind of surprises today, you didn’t know how much more of the shock you could take, but it seems like wonjin was enjoying just watching you all flustered. “i opened it myself-”

“y/n, you were too drunk to even see the keypad last night. when i tried my luck, we got in. 032201? who else could that be?” 

you were about to protest but as you were stuttering your poorly-made excuses, wonjin took your hand and slowly pulled you into a tight hug, all the while laughing at how ridiculous each of your statements was starting to sound. after the initial embarrassment passed, you realized there really was really nothing to hide anymore. 

“are you done?” wonjin asked, still not letting go of his hold on you which you returned willingly, hugging him tightly and hiding your face in his chest. “because to put it simply, i like you.”

you sighed in content, feeling all the exhaustion from the past few days  seep out of you with just those three words. “i like you, too, ham wonjin.”  

“and one more thing…” you added. “jungmo told me you were smitten.”

it was wonjin’s turn to get flustered and defensive, you pulled your face away and leaned back to watch as he cursed at jungmo for describing him in such a way. wonjin trailed off in his usual rants while you looked up at him with no plans of stopping his lovable nonsense. 

opening day

it was noontime on opening day: the ribbons have been cut, your mini-opening show went smoothly, friends have visited and selected their favorite pieces, and most of all, you have led the toast that officially marked the start of this journey. it felt utterly surreal. 

“all i can say is…” wonjin put his arm around you as you stood beside the racks of clothing you spent months perfecting. “it was certainly worth the hundreds of pinpricks.” 

“well, then. if you want more…” you pinched his side and laughed as he dodged you and made his way to your three other friends who were also admiring the work they did for the shop. 

a few nights ago, on a nighttime walk home in this same neighborhood, you wished for a perfect week to unfold in front of you. and maybe it did; just not in the way you anticipated, but exactly the way you wished it would end.

[miracul0us-multishipper]

“You”

A grin spread over Felix' face as he let the charade drop.

“Me.”

The black haired girl he now knew was Marinette rolled her eyes and turned back to her sketch book, a clear dismissal.

“You’re blocking the light. Go bother someone else.”

He sighed and brushed his hair back, decreasing the similarities to his cousin to the necessary minimum.

“Why would I? Everybody else is so boring.”

No one in this entire city had even realized he was back; not their classmates, not the teachers, not even the brunette fashion disaster that obviously had some experience with deception. Of course his little charade would have to end once Adrien had recovered from the cold that kept him at home, but until then Felix would have his fun. Yesterday he'd spend the entire day in the Bourgeois Spa, fooling the entire staff, the Mayor and his clingy brat. Despite the latter being Adriens “best friend”, not even she had realized who she was really inviting. Getting rid of her had been a little harder, but in the end he'd spent a wonderfully relaxing day in a steam bath and his skin was softer than ever. Courtesy of the ridiculously expensive mud bath he hadn’t had to pay a single penny for.

“Looks like you'd fit right in then.”, Marinette commented and drew an especially vigorous line in her book.

“Ouch. You wound me, darling!”

She shrugged and ignored him. Ignored him! That wouldn’t do.

With a last tug at his no longer messy strands he sat down next to her, leaning into her space as far as he could risk without getting slapped. His last few attempts had thought him that lesson.

“Oh, come on, Marinette, you must to tell me!”, he nagged her, happy when her face turned from concentration to annoyance. “What gave me away? Was it the wink? Or no, it was the greeting, wasn't it? Too much enthusiasm.”

“Why do you even care? You got all the others, didn’t you?”

He clicked his tongue.

“I have standards. If there's one person who can tell the difference, my performance is obviously lacking.”

She huffed and added a little bow to the skirt she was working on. Knee-length and plain colored, decorated with small ribbons. Classic and elegant, yet a touch of playfulness. He would have complimented it if he'd thought she might value his opinion.

“If it wasn’t my words or gestures, what was it?”, he asked on, not willing to give up and admit defeat. It was their little routine by now. He'd come up and try to pass as Adrien, she'd see through him and he would try to annoy her until she either gave him her full attention, or snarked him off. Marinette Dupain-Cheng – despite her cute appearance – could be mean, he'd learned.

“I don’t think I want to tell you.”, she shrugged, but he could see the beginning of a smile tugging at her lips. She'd deny it, but secretly she enjoyed their little battles of wits.

“What?”, he gasped and slumped against her in played shock, conveniently knocking the book out of her hands and onto the steps of the Trocadero. “But why?”

Now unable to draw on, she finally gave him her undivided focus.

“Because you, Monsieur Graham de Vanilly, are a major pain in my butt.”

“Oh? I would have thought you above such pettiness.”, he lamented. “To deny a fellow fashion enthusiast your criticism! To dishonor the sacred solidarity between artists! Truly a shame.”

“You? An artist?” She snickered. “Don’t make me laugh.”

“Hey! Deception is as much of an art as these tiny scribbles of yours. And I am a master of my craft, thank you very much.”

She waved her hand and shooed him back a little.

“The questionable status of your craft aside, I'd hardly call you an expert. You were here for a day and already had the entire class plus three akumas after you. Your play didn’t even last an hour before it blew up in your face. Maybe you should ask Lila for a bit of advice! She's been here for months and is still on her unquestioned bullshit.”

He growled at that, drawing out another of these smug little smirks Marinette so rarely wore. After all his visits she knew how to rile him up.

“Do not compare me to that- that klutz! Anybody could spew some fancy tales and name drop, but that doesn’t mean she has skill. There's no finesse, no authenticity beneath that badly styled hair of her.”

“And there is beneath yours?”, Marinette said sweetly. He huffed and raised his chin.

“Of course there is. I don’t run around as Adrien for the fame, but for the fun of it. And I actually put in some effort. I was only found out because my goal required breaking character, and I still had a score to settle with my dear cousin. You think I only depend on my pretty face, because it looks conveniently close to Adrien? Wrong!”

His chest swoll a little as he spoke. With his accomplishments, he'd earned a little pride in himself.

“True, artful deception requires three things Lila Rossi couldn’t fake if her life depended on it: Discretion, Distraction and the right timing. She only ever barges in headfirst, unable to survive even a second outside of the spotlight.”

She hummed.

“My mistake. How could I ever assume you to be alike, since you obviously care so little about getting attention?”

Snarky little minx. Well, she wasn’t wrong, to be fair.

“Enough of that!”, he decided and eagerly turned back to her. “Now tell me what gave me away.”

“Let me see...”, she mused and pursed her lips. “I guess I could tell you that...”

“Yes?”

“...under certain circumstances...”

“Go on!”

“...it might be...”

“Might be?”

“The scent.”

He blinked. This had been his mistake? What kind of cologne did his cousin even wear?

“The... the scent.”

“Uh-huh.”

She moved to get back to her sketching, but he snatched the book before she could even touch it.

“Nah-ah! First you've got to expand on that. What perfume is he wearing?”

She shrugged and leaned back.

“Oh, isn’t it obvious? Adrien always wears “Manners and Class” N° 5. You on the other hand reek of “Wouldn’t know politeness if it hit me in the face”. A poor choice, really.”

She leaned in.

“You stink.”

It took a moment for her words to register, and he couldn't suppress a gasp when they did. With a satisfied smile she tugged her sketchbook out of his hands and crossed her legs, ready to put the finishing touch on her latest design. Felix fell back on the step next to her.

“That's it.”

“Yup.”

“You've won.”

“Fair and square.”

“I am defeated.”

“Annihilated. But to be fair, that opening was too easy.”

“Perfect set-up. Clean execution. Merciless punchline. You have earned your victory, so claim it properly.”

“I will.”

He fell silent after that, acknowledging his defeat. He lasted all but two minutes before his need for attention beat his shame.

“So? What do you want as your prize?”

“Peace and quiet?”, she proposed, gnawing at the end of her pencil.

He shook his head in disbelief.

“You're more ambitious than that, Dupain-Cheng. Here I am, Felix Graham du Vanilly, offering you everything I can give, and you settle for peace and quiet? Tsk, you can do better than that.”

“Maybe I could ask you to clear the area, while I’m already at it. For the entire week.”

He should leave. He wouldn’t get any real feedback out of her today, and now that he had offered her a prize she might develop some common sense and ask him for his connections, or some favors that could get her publicity. He was stretching his luck every time he decided to pester her again.

But he stayed. Whether it was his wounded pride, or his curiosity ever since she'd sent that little love declaration to his cousin... he couldn’t allow the only borderline interesting person in this city to dismiss him like that. Especially not when he hadn’t been able to get a rise out of her yet.

An idea popped into his mind and he spoke before he could think.

“You could ask me for a date.”

Now Marinette did put her book away.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

She blinked.

“Did you miss the part where I asked you to leave me to my scribbles, as you put it? Because I am sure I mentioned it a few times, now.”

“No, doesn’t ring a bell.”

She groaned and closed her book. He counted that as a victory.

“Well, then maybe you remember the fact that I’m in love with Adrien. Which you already know, since you watched the video clearly addressed to him. And deleted said video. And replied very rudely.”

He hummed and stood up to circle her. An actor had to have a sense of drama, after all.

“The past is the past. And in the present, I look just like Adrien.”

Now he finally seemed to have broken through her cool facade.

“So what?”, she snapped at him, crossing her arms. “Do you think I like him for his looks? Am I that shallow, in your opinion?”

Of course she wasn’t. But he'd finally struck a nerve.

“You're not?”, he provoked slyly.

“No!”

She stomped her pink flats on the ground with more force than should be physically possible.

“I love him because he is kind. And thoughtful. And funny and confident and fair and so classy, and because he loves to make friends, and because he's loyal and caring and-“

“Okay, okay, I get it. He's your little fairy tale prince.”, he interrupted a little harsher than intended. Clearing his throat he continued. “And you'll be relieved to know that I don’t want to date you either. No offense to you, but I am above such mundane things as crushes.”

She rolled her eyes and sat back down.

“Of course you are.”

“Fact is, my dear Marinette,” he lectured smugly, “that you can’t even say two words to your loverboy without seemingly suffering a particularly unflattering stroke.”

“What a flowery statement, Sherlock.”

“Another fact is that you can talk very fluently to me. Far too fluently, in my opinion.”

Marinette's eyes narrowed with suspicion and he smiled.

“What's your point?”

“My point is,” he finished his circling and came to a stand right in front of her. “that you can use me to practice. Here, I'll even mess up my hair again!”

“Wait, I didn’t even agree to-“

“You're welcome. Aren’t I a dashing little dream prince?”

He posed in true Adrien fashion and Marinette pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Please, just don’t.”

“Pah! Ungrateful as always. Anyway, back to business!”

He spun into a dramatic pirouette and kneeled down before her, taking her hand between his.

“Marinette, my fairest!”, he proclaimed with vigor. “Is there something on that bright mind of yours you want to share with me, Adrien Agreste?”

She groaned again, but didn’t pull away.

“If you'll leave me alone after that...”

“I'll do anything my good friend asks of me! I am sunshine personified!”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Close enough.”

He almost regretted looking for Marinette this late. The sun was about to set and most tourists had already left for locations with a better view. If there had been more, one might have captured a snap shot of Adrien Agreste kneeling in front of a random girl about to confess. His cousin would be delighted when he found out about his scandal in the news.

Alas, it was only the two of them who paid attention to each other. But Marinette was about to begin, so he didn’t ponder on the viewers anymore.

“I... I wanted to tell you that...”

He almost winced at that poor display of rhetorical talent, but she wasn’t done yet. Taking a deep breath, Marinette lifted her eyes off of her shoes and looked directly at him. And for a moment it felt as if she were looking into him. He'd seen these bluebell eyes roll in annoyance, glare in anger and sparkle with mirth, but never had he seen them this piercing, this all-consuming.

“Adrien, there's something I haven’t told you yet.”, she said, and it was as if he'd never heard her speak before. This wasn’t the voice that had teased and bantered with him, or the disinterested lull she mumbled in when she tried to ignore him. This was soft, yet firm and confident. Like tugging the strings of a violin: a clear, pleasant sound that offered a first hint of the potential in this slender instrument.

“I didn’t keep this from you because I don’t value our friendship.”, she said and her fingers tightened around his. Felix was suddenly sure that no expensive mudbath could ever make his skin as soft as hers. “It's the furthest thing from it. I didn’t tell you because I value our friendship so much. And I was scared to risk it.”

She took a step closer and he had to swallow.

“Adrien, you are the first person I think of when I wake up, and the only person I see in my dreams. Every morning, when I walk into class and see you, I feel like there's pure sunshine in my chest and springs under my feet. Like gravity is just a loose suggestion and I could float if I jumped. Like... like I could do anything I ever dreamed of.”

She looked down upon their hands. Disentangling their fingers surprised him, but even more surprising was that this time, she took his hands between hers.

“I know you feel trapped sometimes.”, she whispered and he found himself suddenly very insecure. Was she still acting? Was she this deep in their little charade? Or... or was she truly talking to him?

“I know you put up a smile and try to give everybody what they expect. And that you don’t have a lot of chances to just be you, not the heir of a great legacy. But I... I want to be your escape. Your safe haven. What I am trying to say is...”

She looked back up to him, and her smile was radiant.

“I love you.”

...

There was a tightness in his chest.

Because he wasn’t breathing, he realized.

Odd.

He didn’t have time to overthink this little detail, though. For as soon as he opened his mouth to say something – what, he didn’t know – she blinked and took a step back. The spell faded and his mouth fell shut again.

“So,” Marinette cleared her throat and looked away. “How... How was it?”

“Uh...”, he made, which was admittedly not the smartest reply he’d ever given her. The fact that he still hadn’t remembered to breathe in didn’t make things easier.

Marinette shifted her weight from one leg to the other, uncomfortable.

“That bad?”

Ha.

Ha ha.

He shook his head and finally sucked in some much needed air.

“Good”, he croaked out, which was still not much of an improvement from his earlier statement of ‘uh’.

“It was... really good.”

Ah. The simple beauty of a full sentence.

“You think so?”, she asked, voice high with surprise. “It wasn’t... I don’t know, a little too much?”

“No!”, he answered a little too fast. “Uh, no. No, it was really... really good.”

Marinette's eyes went narrow.

“Are you making fun of me? Because I may be small, but if you did this to humiliate me then I swear to god, I will take this pencil and-“

“I was serious. What you said was beautiful.”

They both blinked at his words. He hadn’t meant to say that. This wasn’t how their interactions went. They were snarky. Mean. Teasing from time to time. But not... this. Never this open. Never vulnerable.

“Thank you.”, Marinette gave back, seemingly unsure herself. “I should... you know, it’s late and my parents are waiting.”

He nodded far too eagerly for his earlier efforts to make her stay.

“Yes, of course. I'll... No, you know the way better than me, probably.”

She laughed at that. It wasn’t a snicker, or one of her smug little huffs. It sounded... sweet.

“Yeah, no need to walk me home.”

She eyed him for a a moment, then the emptying place.

“I could walk you home, though. If you want to.”

Yes.

“No.”, he said and something in his chest roared in disappointment. “Thank you, but it would be quite the detour for you.”

She shrugged.

“Alright. Don’t get lost.”

Shouldering her bag she took her sketch book and moved to leave, but stopped mid movement to turn back around.

“Oh, and if you tell anybody – especially Adrien! – about any of this, you'll find out what I was going to do with that pencil! Got it?”

He rolled his eyes, finally in control of himself.

“Yes, oh great master of pencilmanship. Your weapon is as feared as its wielder.”

Satisfied she nodded and turned around, but stopped yet again. With a groan she dropped the bag, stepped in front of him and grabbed his collar. He'd never admit to anybody that the surprised squeal that followed had come from him. Utterly frozen in shock he could only watch as Marinette came closer and...

“There!”, she hummed and combed back his hair with her fingers. “I like you hair better this way.”

A small nod was all he could muster up, but it was enough for her. Waving him goodbye she turned around for good.

“Well then. See you around, Felix!”

He watched her leave, desperately trying to regain his voice.

“Y-Yeah. See you around, Marinette.”

Only when she had completely disappeared in the nearby metro station he allowed himself to sit down, wobbly knees no longer able to support him.

“What...”, he mumbled to himself, “...the entire fuck...”

What did just happen? Nothing made sense, not this stupid idea and certainly not his reaction to it. Sighing he leaned back against the steps and touched his hair. It was still a little messy, but laid back against his head in its usual fashion. If he concentrated he could almost feel the warmth of her fingers trapped between his strands.

He sighed deeply.

...damnit.

- - -

A little one shot because I hadn't written about canon!felix yet.

[bittywitches]

I’m obsessed with the college roommates concept— maybe you’re feelings lonely and kinda sad abt ur love life one night and Grayson offers to take you on a date just for fun as friends but then ~feelings~ happen ☺️

Umm do you mean that one episode in season 8 of friends where Joey takes out pregnant Rachel and gets his crush on her??? Bc yes :))

It’s probably just been one of those weeks, you know? An assload of assignments, tests and exams every other day, most of which you’d completely bombed and were feeling shitty about. You hadn’t had more than 5 hours of sleep a day in like a month, you’d been living off of microwavables and instant noodles, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a sip of water since all your energy has been from coffee. And the kids in all your group projects this semester? Idiots. Selfish pricks. Every single one of them.

So it was needless to say that you were just in one of those moods. It was a Friday night, so things had slowed down enough, finally, but it also finally gave you some time to let yourself think, and god it was not great when you had to think.

It had started as just one of those basic thoughts; “What am doing? Where is this going?” which lead to “Why am I even in college in the first place?” Ending with “Oh my god I’m wasting my life and I’m gonna be alone forever”.

By the time Grayson had made it home that night, you were huddled up in the living room sofa under a blanket, your laptop open in your lap and snacks all over the table a couch while “Isn’t she lovely” by Stevie Wonder played on your phone as you tried your best not to burst into tears at the thought of never finding a boyfriend.

“Whoa, I don’t remember getting my invite to this slumber party.” He laughed, kicking his shoes off and throwing his bag onto the single sofa next to yours.

You slumped your shoulders. “It’s not a slumber party, it’s a pity party.”

“Oh?” He sat himself down on the sofa. “Who for?”

“Me, who else?” You wallowed, stuffing some more popcorn into your mouth.

“Why, did you get marks back?” He asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, a bit concerned at the volume of popcorn you were putting into your mouth with each bite.

“No, but what’s the point? I already know I’m doing bad.” You slumped backwards into the couch, just wishing you could be swallowed by the pillows and cushions.

“Hey,” He placed a hand on your knee, looking at you seriously now. He knew you. Your general melt downs he was used to, but this was different. He could tell something was wrong. “You okay?”

You sighed, grabbing your phone off the counter and pausing the song so you could think straight. “You don’t wanna hear about it.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

You sighed, slipping your legs out from under you and dangling them off the couch. “Okay, um..” Grayson’s hand had fallen away, and you suddenly felt like rubbing the spot on your leg where it had been. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been so busy lately, and it’s just gotten me thinking about my life in general. And how I haven’t gone out on a date in like…” You had to stop and think, and started laughing after a few seconds. “In so long I can’t even remember. Wow, god.” You sunk back into the couch. “I miss dating.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “Yea?”

“Yeah, you know,” You waved your hands around vaguely. “The whole excitement of it. Getting to dress up and look all nice. Feeling all pretty.” He tilted his head at you, and you shook your head and laughed. “But you know, not that I need the reminder. I’m obviously hot as fuck.” You gestured to yourself, highlighting your nest of hair and your stained sweatshirt. You waited for him to laugh, but he just continued to look at you with that weirdly deep expression.

“What?”

“How about I take you on a date?”

You blinked at him, then started to chuckle, confused. “Huh?”

“You know, as friends. But I’ll give you like, the whole experience.”

You almost spit at that. “The ‘whole experience’?”

He rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. We’ll get all dressed up, go out to a nice place for dinner or something.”

You sat up now, your eyes narrowed at him. “Why?”

“Why not? It’s a friday. If you have stuff to do you can always do it later.”

“You know where that mindset gets me, Dolan.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” He smiled. “Plus, you deserve a fun night.”

You scoffed. “Yea, but not with a boyfriend or anything. With my roommate.”

“You think you could do better?”

“Incredibly.”

“God just shut up and go change.”

You laughed. “I— You know what? What the heck.” You got up, and he did with you. “Ah, okay!” You gave him a quick squeeze before running to your room, and his eyes followed after you, a gentle smile on his lips.

…

He’d done the whole shebang. He got dressed in a nice dress shirt and clean black jeans, something you’d actually never seen him wear before. He’d somehow gotten you a bouquet of flowers, which, you weren’t even sure where or how he’d gotten them, because you couldn’t have taken more than twenty minutes to get ready. Nonetheless, he truly was the gentleman you had never expected. This was Grayson, the guy you watched old disney movies with and cried with during finals. He was the one you’d eat whole pints of ice cream with and play The Last of Us with and helped you master. He certainly wasn’t the one who was supposed to be complimenting you on your dress and taking you out to nice dinners. But here he was, doing just that.

He’d parked his car and was now escorting you inside this tiny but upscale italian restaurant, simple but elegant. As you entered through the glass door, the dazzling chandelier above the waiting area along with the gorgeous red sconces blew you away.

“Grayson how did you get a place like this on such short notice?” You whispered to him, gripping his arm, a bit intimidated by all the fancy folk waiting inside.

“I know some people.” He responded, a small smile on his lips.

You slapped his arm. “As if, you don’t even know the name of the Starbucks barista on campus.”

He rolled his eyes. “Can’t you let me be cool?” You stared at him waiting for the response, and he sighed. “This place is fairly new. Not that many people know about it yet, so it’s pretty easy to get a reservation.”

“How’d you know about it then?”

“Found it when I was looking for a place to take Sarah to.”

“Oh my god that girl from your Kinesiology class?” You looked at him with wide eyes and a grin on your face. “No way! I didn’t think you’d grow the balls to ask her out.”

“Hey,” He said, but you laughed. “Well, I haven’t exactly asked her yet. I was just checking it out.”

“Well either way, she’s going to love this place, it’s so extravagant.” You made it to the front and Grayson informed the woman standing there of his reservation. She escorted you both inside and brought you to a table next to one of the windows. She’d dropped off two glasses of water and menus for you both to look at in the meantime. You peaked at the one in front of you, and your eyes grew again.

“Gray, did you happen to look at the prices before coming here?”

“Don’t worry, I’m buying.” He flipped through his casually, as if he wasn’t exasperated at the large numbers printed on the cards.

“Are you serious? What are you, made of money?”

“Hey, I promised you a fun night, right? I can make a few sacrifices.”

A young man came up to your table, and you both gave him your order. You ended up choosing the cheapest thing on the menu, because a) you didn’t want to be too much of a burden on Grayson, but also b) you barely knew what any of it was anyways. He left, you both chatted for a bit, and he returned with your meals, both of them being some sort of pasta that you were a bit embarrassed about not knowing the differences between.

Grayson didn’t really know that much either, to be quite honest, but for some reason he felt the need to impress you with this place. And he was pretty giddy about the fact that it was working.

But throughout this, you had kept staring at him, frankly a bit shocked at the whole situation you both were in. You had to shake your head to get your thoughts straight, but ended up giggling. “So, you always this sweet with the girls you take out on dates?”

He bit his cheek, but decided to play along, lowering his fork and leaning in towards you to hear you over the chatter in the restaurant. “Why, you interested?”

“No, just curious what it is that Grayson Dolan pulls to get a girl.” You crossed your arms on the table, on elbow propped up with your chin resting on your hand. “Tell me, you have any moves?”

He laughed. “What, that I just use with every girl?”

“Don’t act so modest. There’s gotta be something. What gets them drooling?” You asked a playful smile on your lips.

He rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his food. “Okay fine, um.” He cleared his throat. “It usually starts out the same, I ask them about themself. Where they’re from, what they do— like, okay. What do you like to do in your spare time?”

You snorted. “Are we doing this? Are we playing this out?”

“Yesss, go with it.”

You laughed. “Okay, uh well. I like to paint sometimes.”

“Yea? What kind of stuff?”

“Well I used to do more traditional stuff, my parents were really into those pretty realism paintings. I’d do flowers and fruits and whatever, but every since, I guess junior year of high school, I’ve been doing more pop art pieces? And a lot more self-indulgent stuff. And I…” You trailed off, realizing you were rambling, but also realizing that Grayson had his soft eyes fixed on yours.

“What?”

His eyes widened a little, as if you’d shook him out of a daze, and he chuckled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just, uh... “ He smiled. “Your eyes are really pretty.”

Your face flushed a little bit, and you looked away from him, taking a sip of water to use it as your excuse. “Ah, thank you.”

He shook his head. “Anyways, so do you still do pop art now? Or has it changed since you’ve started college?”

You blinked at him, then covered your mouth as you opened it in slight shock. “Wow, that was really good.”

He laughed. “Yea?”

“The eye thing was good on it’s own but to know you were actually listening to me? I’m impressed.” You nodded in approval.

He tilted his head, chuckling. “Thank you, thank you.” He took another bite of food before continuing. “So what about you? You have any moves?”

You snorted again. “Gray, I barely go out on enough dates in the first place, much less enough to establish any moves.”

“Why are you always so modest? You can tell me you know.”

You laughed. “Yeah duh I know, but I’m genuinely serious this time. I don’t get asked out all that often.” You shrugged. “It’s why I get excited when I do get to go on dates. It’s fun.”

Grayson was the one who couldn’t help but stare now. He blinked at you, unable to really comprehend what you were saying to him. How could people not want to ask you out? You were incredible. Looking at you now, your hair up in a dainty bun, a few curls falling down the sides of your face; your pretty off the shoulder dress that matched your deep magenta-maroon lipstick. And he wasn’t lying about your eyes, they really were so pretty. They sparkled, even more so when you were laughing. Which was usually accompanied by your scrunched up nose, making you look like a cute little bunny. He smiled at the thought, as he loved seeing that expression on your face.

“Huh.” he said out loud then, not realizing when it was he had starting noticing your small actions like that so much.

“What?” You asked, looking up at him, and suddenly, seeing those same eyes he always saw staring at him, he felt almost light headed. His face felt warm, seeing you look at him like that. He was almost afraid that you could see what he was thinking. But why would that be a problem unless…

Grayson slowly widened his eyes. Did he seriously have feelings for Y/N?

“Nothing, sorry.” He said with a smile, looking back down at his food. Sure, he’d always thought you were amazing. You were gorgeous, sure, and you made him laugh. And yea he loved hanging out with you, watching movies and playing video games, and he adored being your roommate, having late night conversations and spending all your free time together…

He wanted to mentally smack himself in the face. Shit, he had feelings for you.

This was going to be a long night.

[phebia]

Making Family, Chapter One

I still feel like I’m not the best at capturing these character’s personalities so I apologize if anyone is too OOC.

Also, formatting might be weird because I’m transferring this off of Wattpad and I’m too lazy to fix it hehe.

Tags(?): @khearts14

"Selina! Mija, can you get the door?" Geny's voice rang out from somewhere inside the house, momentarily distracting me from coating my lips in the mauve colour I had picked out for orientation this morning. "Yeah!" I shouted back, pursing my lips and taking one last lingering look in the mirror before making my way to the front door. I opened the door just enough to peak out, remembering Ruby's "Lessons of Freeridge" presentation. He gave an updated version every time he saw me, the most recent of which came last night after everyone had cleared out. There was a slightly familiar girl stood on the front porch, but it took me a minute to recognize her. The boys had told me stories upon stories of Monse and there had even been a brief, slightly awkward, group FaceTime call more than a few weeks back. While I was trying to figure out where I knew her from, she was seemingly also confused about my identity. "Monse, right?" I raised my eyebrows and nervously chewed at my lower lip, praying that my confidence was just and she was in fact who I thought she was. A moment later a flash of realization moved through her dark chocolate eyes and then she was smiling at me. "Selina." She pointed a finger at me and nodded, her answer pulling a relieved smile from me. "It's nice to finally meet you. The boys talk about you a lot." I spoke shyly and opened the door wider so that she could step inside. "Likewise." We stood in the doorway for a few awkward seconds, a silence enveloping us until I couldn't take anymore. I awkwardly cleared my throat and looked down at my Jordan's before vaguely gesturing behind me to Ruby's new room. I let Monse lead the way, not wanting to disrupt the reunion about to occur after an entire summer apart and mentally smacking myself for my momentary loss of social skills. "I'm back." Monse sung, clearing her throat and smiling widely as she crossed the threshold into the room. Ruby turned to her, not blinking, instead his eyes moved from her to his end table multiple times. "Can you move that side table?" I arched an eyebrow at the lack of enthusiasm the girl's arrival received. The big talk around the house was that this was supposed to be the reunion of the century, but what I was witnessing was far from that. The boy's effort was lacklustre and underwhelming. Frankly, I had given the girl a better welcome than her two best friends. "No, seriously don't make such a fuss." Monse's smile fell into a sneer and she had no problem displaying her displeasure with the boys. "I've only been gone all summer, but really, it's no big deal." She wandered further into the room, stopping to stand directly in front of her sad little welcome party, eyes narrowed into a glare. Ruby shrugged, a slight nod acknowledging his fuck up while Jamal just smiled by his side. "How was camp?" My cousin's eyes were empty and bored, Ruby surely unimpressed with having to take a break from his big bedroom plans. "Camp was fine. Notice anything new?" A smile of my own appeared on my face as Monse grinned widely, showing off her perfectly straight smile in hopes of a compliment or two. "You got boobs." Both boys spoke simultaneously, their stares never leaving her face and their answers causing Monse's smile to slip off her face. Mine followed soon after, my eyes flashing between the group of three in slight disbelief, not missing the way the younger girl crossed her arms over her chest. "You guys are shit friends." I spoke up for the first time, leaning in the doorway snickering. "She got her braces off." My laughing stopped and I stared directly at the boys, clearly unimpressed at the fact that they didn't seem to realize they were making their friend uncomfortable. All three young teenagers turned towards me; Ruby and Jamal blinking in surprise and Monse shooting me a shy and thankful smile. "We knew that." Jamal nodded, casually waving me off as if they were about to mention that next and hadn't completely missed it. "How did you even know that?" Ruby narrowed his eyes at me, irate as he often was when things weren't going his way. A tiny smirk played on my lips and I took a moment to look him up and down. "Try thinking with your brain instead." I raised my filled in brows for emphasis, the corner of my lips quirking up when Monse thanked me for noticing. "You can wait for Cesar to help." She turned back to the boys and just like her that her frustrated awkward attitude was back. I had better things to focus on now though, my ears perking up at the name. Cesar Diaz had alluded me for far too long and he was one mystery I was dying to know more about. That was most likely because Ruby was so tight lipped about whatever had went down between them. All I knew was that he used to be best friends with the three kids in front of me, but something changed that. Ruby had even gone as far as to prohibit Jamal from telling me what their old friend looked like, just in case I ended up seeing him around town. Despite the boy's best efforts, there was no hiding the fact that something had gone down. Although I was surprised Monse, someone so close to the source, had no idea what had happened either, the immature part of me was just happy I wasn't the only one out of the loop. "Then we'll be waiting a really long time." Jamal revealed as he sat back on his chair and Ruby brushed past Monse with an eye roll. "Why? Where's Cesar?" Monse continued her questioning. "We're not talking to him." The girl either missed the irritated looks Ruby was shooting at her or she simply didn't care. And, based on what I knew about the girl, I'd say it was the latter. "You in a fight?" Her eyes briefly flit to me for a possible answer but all I could do was shrug, just as in the dark as she was. "Well, it wasn't really a fight. It was more like a-" "We're not getting into it." Ruby caught Jamal off, his voice harsh as he shot his friend a pointed look and then turned back to Monse. "Trust us, Cesar's not cool." There was a brief moment where his firm eyes flashed in my direction. His silent attempt at scolding me as well earned him an unimpressed scowl and had me wondering who the fuck he thought he was. "I don't know, I heard he's pretty cool." I hummed, simply commenting to annoy my cousin even further. Ruby snapped his head in my direction and pointed his finger at me, spitting a few words in Spanish at me before humphing and returning to his half made bed. My features melted into confusion at the foreign language. A part of me was glad I wasn't very familiar with it at all so that his words just rolled off of me but the other part of me wanted to be able to sass him right back. Maybe I could at least get Mario to teach me some not-so-nice phrases long distance. "Well, I'm not cool not being cool. And why aren't you at football?" Monse had clearly mastered the art of ignoring Ruby years ago, which was something I was envious of after only a day of living with him. The mention of the sport made Jamal look up from the book he was reading, eyes wide yet refusing to meet anyone's gaze. "We should really get to orientation before those lines get too long." He stood up, his words rushed. "Yeah, I don't want to be too sweaty for my ID. Like Mario said, "It's all about the right first impression." It was slightly impressive how well they changed the subject, neither of them closing their mouths long enough for anyone else to get a word in. "And sticking together!" Then again, Monse seemed to have no problem talking over them. "You're totally deflecting this whole Cesar sitch. So stop being bitches and tell me." I looked on with eager eyes but just when it looked like she was about to break them, Geny's voice once again interrupted things. This time my aunt had the intention of making sure we weren't late to orientation and the boy's used the distraction to start pulling Monse and I out of the house, barely giving me enough time to grab my sunglasses and place them on my head. We were only a few steps down the sidewalk when the shortest of the bunch began complaining about having to walk everywhere and pestering me about when my car would arrive from Waterdown. If I was being honest with myself, I was dreading the entire orientation process and couldn't decide if it would've been better to have the journey take more or less time. Chances were that I'd be the only upperclassman around and if that didn't draw enough attention to me, my size would do the rest. People loved to notice me, and not for the right reasons. The snickers were rarely muffled and the comments were never quiet enough, because nobody really cares if you hear them. The only thing keeping you together is the fact that you've heard it all before. Said it to yourself before, because if you hurt yourself no one else can. But it's only a matter of time before someone gets a little creative and you have another thing to think of when you look into the mirror. After years of ridicule there were countless hateful things lingering in my mind, just begging for a weak moment to escape and push tears out of my eyes. But just thinking about them almost made the tears well up, so instead I focused on the argument Monse was still valiantly keeping alive as I walked between Jamal and Ruby. The boys had taken to staying silent, refusing to even indulge her with argumentative words anymore. The silent treatment was smart, but I wasn't sure it would be enough to deter the fiery girl next to Ruby. "He's the glue of our crew." Despite the lack of responses, she was still trying to force answers out of them. Ruby had previously told me that once you get Monse going there's no stopping her, but I had had doubts. I had always wondered why it was so important to Ruby that I know that, but as I witnessed her grilling the boy's I was very certain it was a warning. Needless to say, all my doubts were gone and I had no intention of being on the receiving end of the Afro-Latino's rage. "That was then, and this is now." Jamal insisted, breaking the stretch of silence much more politely than Ruby could have ever hoped to do so. "Yeah, Cesar ain't shit." As if only to prove my point my baby cousin chimed in as well. The group of kids took a sharp turn into an alleyway and Ruby had to grab me by my elbow to keep me with them. "What?" I asked lowly when he shot me a look. "I don't know where the hell we're going." With a simple shake of his head Ruby was back to staring straight ahead, avoiding Monse's gaze until something he saw made him froze. "Shit, Prophets." The words made me flinch and my heart rate quickly began to pick up. Throughout all my visits to Freeridge I had surprisingly not encountered a Prophet nor a Santo, but everyone made sure I understood who they were and what they were capable. As I watched the trio decked out in green and yellow it wasn't hard to decide I would've much preferred to see a group of Santos as we rounded the corner. They'd be less likely to kill me because I lived on their block. (Another wonderful tip from Lessons of Freeridge). "Be cool." "Ditch your colours." Waterdown wasn't the safest place on Earth but it might as well have been a safe haven compared to Freeridge. I had never been involved in the violent side of Waterdown but moving to Freeridge had thrown me into the middle of a gang war and I very obviously didn't know what to do in this situation. The kids on the other hand were clearly well versed in the danger. Ruby didn't hesitate to pull his hoodie over his head and then proceed to ask if he had ruined his hair after we passed the gang affiliated teenagers. His nonchalant attitude shocked me but I didn't say anything about it. My life before wasn't all sunshine and daisy's, but I was well aware it was better than most people's here and privilege was a tense subject here. I wasn't about to advertise mine. "Yeah." I scrunched my nose up, exaggerating the damage done to his beloved locks, grinning as he pulled out his phone to play with his hair. "Code dread. Code dread. Approaching on your six." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I was much less discrete about looking behind me than the others were, fully turning my body to see who was approaching. Recognition flooded me and I did my best to smile at Jasmine but memories of her... lively personality at my welcome party played through my mind. "Yo! You guys going to orientation?" I stayed put, waiting for her to catch up, only for two hands to grab at me and start pulling me away. "Hey, you know my cousin Berto, the fine one, hey?" I was still facing Jasmine, doing my best to listen to her and not fall as my ass at the same time. "His daughter Letty said it ain't nothing, unless your stupid and you can't spell your name. And then you hold up the line and then people get mad." The pace we were moving kept increasing much to my chagrin. The longer this went on the more likely I was to fall and twist an ankle or something, despite my flat shoes. Grace was something I did not have much of. Jasmine frowned as she too noticed that this was no leisurely stroll. "Hey, why are you guys walking so fast? You know I can't keep up. I have asthma." A frown pulled at my features and for a moment my heart hurt, a pit instantly forming in my stomach. I knew what it was like to be that girl. Trying so hard to be friends with people who don't want anything to do you, and then realizing when it's too late. It sucked. Before I knew what was happening I was stopping, my emotions not allowing me to do Jasmine dirty in the same way that so many girls had done me before. "Selina!" Ruby turned and returned to my side when he realized he no longer had a hold on me, whisper yelling at me and shooting me a pleading look. I pouted at him but that didn't do anything, his stare remaining steady and frantic. With a pitiful sigh I turned, keeping pace with the group as they began walking once more. "Sorry, Jasmine, we're having a private convo. Real sensitive stuff. Catch you next time." Monse looped her arm in mine and called out to the other girl, not even bothering to turn her head. The tiny whine that came from behind made my eyes widen and my frown deepen but the others gave me no time to dwell on it as they continued their brisk pace. "That's what you always say." Her voice was steadily fading until all of a sudden her footsteps were fast approaching. A quick glance behind showed Jasmine running towards us, a look of determination on her face. "Is it really that big of a deal?" I turned to where Ruby used to be only to find him and the others running ahead. Out of instinct my legs began to move faster, my head moving between the small squad and the lone girl, my jog light. "Monse, this isn't nice." I scolded the teen closest to me, my words making her turn her head to look at me incredulously. "If you don't run now, you're never gonna get out." Her words made me groan but with one last sorry look back I began sprinting to catch up with the others. Jasmine seemed like a nice enough girl but the last thing I wanted was to get suckered into hanging out with a 14 year old that wasn't a relative or friend of said relative. My cousin and his best friends were bad enough. Besides, I could always get Ruby, Jamal, and Monse to befriend her. As I ran a part of me was unravelling with insecure thoughts about what I looked like running, but a larger part of me was just desperate to keep up with the kids. I would be lost without them, literally. And the last thing I wanted was to be stumbling through Freeridge streets alone. Yet, despite the slight urgency of the situation, I couldn't help but slow down to smile and wave at a woman and her baby as I passed them. However, a moment later I was cursing my baby fever when I heard Jasmine scream my name. A few more blocks passed and I had finally managed to escape Jasmine and catch up with my three original companions. "Man, she is relentless." Jamal gasped as I stopped behind them, placing my hands on my knees as I caught my breath. It had been a long time since I had run at all, let alone ran with that much intensity for that distance. Once my lungs stopped screaming and I no longer felt like I might vomit I straightened out and joined the ranks once more, pulling my sunglasses off the top of my head to untangle them from my crimped hair. "That was mean, guys." I sighed, torn between not being impressed by the childish actions but also being the slightest bit amused. "Come on, Selina. It was a nice save." Jamal shot me his cheesiest smile and I knew I had lost that debate already. "Oh, you're not safe." Monse disagreed, back onto the Cesar issue as if Jasmine had never made an appearance. "Your threats aren't penetrating, okay?" I placed my tinted shades back on my head, allowing them to push back some of the hair that normally framed my face, doing my best to fix my appearance without a mirror. "I'm not telling you what Cesar said." My head shot up at Jamal's slip up, my hands momentarily stopping their adjustment of my cleavage. "Ah ha! So he said something!" Monse had also caught the admission and she had turned around before I could even remove my hands from my bra. "Jamal! Do you need a muzzle?" Ruby growled at Jamal, who had his hand clasped over his mouth, before turning to his other longtime friend. "Monse, no offence, but you're a loose cannon." Although his tone was soft for Ruby, my cousin was digging himself into a deep hole and I instinctively moved to walk in between the two. I wouldn't put it past Monse to jump on his ass, not that she would've been unprovoked. "We're telling you for your own protection." His next words had my jaw dropping and my eyes narrowing. "My own protection?" Monse scoffed, seemingly just as shocked and offended as I was. "Eat a dick." I whirled around and stepped in front of Ruby, getting in his face with my resting bitch face in full effect. If we were being real, Monse had every right to know what caused the rift in the group and Ruby's ignorance and way of handling it was quickly becoming tiresome to me. "Thank you!" Monse exclaimed, nodding at me and turning on her heel to continue walking away from the boys. "Okay, you just made our case in point." Ruby swirled his finger in my face as I backed up and left him and Jamal behind to walk with Monse. "You don't even know, and you're already at Defcon Solange." His matter of fact tone made glare at the stop sign further down the road and run my tongue over my teeth. "Look, I may be nosy about the Cesar thing, but that's all it is. Nosiness. But, don't you ever pull shit like this and tell a girl you're doing it to protect her. That's a dick move, Ruby. Okay?" Upon being met with my fiery glare the Latino swallowed thickly and nodded, but before he could speak grunting filled the street. My eyes immediately moved to find the source of the noise, my pace subconsciously slowing as I saw a group of guys kicking the shit out of someone in front of a dumpster. I gasped quietly as Jamal and Ruby were suddenly squishing me between them, doing their best to block my view of the beating. "Don't look. Keep walking." Jamal scolded me, as if I didn't have the Freeridge street knowledge of a toddler and should know better by now. We silently walked past the alleyway and as hard as I tried I couldn't resist sneaking a few looks over my shoulder. "Why would anyone want to get jumped into 19th street? If it were me, I'd join first street, only one second of pain." Jamal voiced his judgements once we had cleared the side street and no one would be able to hear his lowered voice. "Agreed. And who wants a lifetime commitment at our age?" Ruby nodded in agreement, his voice even lower than Jamal's. A lifetime commitment at 14 might've sounded like a lot to a normal person, but I've been dying for one since I was around that age. My parents were gone the majority of the time, and although they were assholes when they were around, there was nothing I wanted more than to have them with me. Eventually I gave up on that and tried to find a significant bond in my friendships. But, when you're friends with the pretty girls and there's never more than a month where they're single there's too many guys trying to get close just to get into their panties. Flashbacks of fake flirting only to ask about my girlfriends made me shiver. It was the unfortunate reality of being the fat, ugly friend and it was also the story of my life. This time it wasn't the arguing friends to pull me from my thoughts, but the sound of rap music and the rumble of a car approaching. I couldn't stop my head from turning, eyes eager to see what was coming. I also couldn't stop myself from biting my lower lip when I saw the cherry red Impala cruising down the street. "That's hot." I hummed lowly, eyes remaining trained on the vintage Chevy despite the groans my praise received from the boys. My fingers pushed my gold glasses further up my nose as I continued to stare, it was the first nice car I'd seen in Freeridge and the sight of it practically made my toes curl in excitement. "We can't tell you what Cesar said." I looked away from the Impala long enough to see Ruby shake his head in one final plea, that went ignored by Monse. "Fine. Then I'll ask myself." With that she boldly stepped out into the street, forcing the driver of the car to slam on the brakes. "Hey, you crazy?" My view of the driver was obscured even when he yelled out the window at Monse, but his deep voice sent a small shiver up my spine. I found myself shifting closer to the edge of the sidewalk, doing my best to sneak a peak at him and get a better view of the car. A hand grabbed at my wrist to stop me but I yanked away from the touch immediately, turning to look at Ruby who was watching me worriedly. "You know who owns that car?" He gulped and looked at his shoes, avoiding my eyes and refusing to answer my question. When he met my gaze a few moments later I arched an eyebrow at him, silently questioning if he was going to answer me or not. "That's Cesar's older brother, Spooky." My interest was officially through the roof with that answer. I stepped off the curb without hesitation but all my confidence faded as soon as I was stood in the road and I remained a couple meters in front of the car. Monse was looking though the window but I didn't pay her much mind, distracting myself from my anxiety by admiring the vibrant paint and gleaming chrome. It was only when I felt eyes on me that I looked up and glanced through the windshield. A blush quickly warmed my cheeks and I felt a lump forming in my throat when I found that I had gotten caught staring by Cesar's older brother. He tilted his head at me, dark eyes drinking in my appearance, making me insecurely cross my arms over my stomach. Monse glanced in my direction as well, and it was Ruby and Jamal's quiet cursing that was the clue that told me I now had to go join the younger girl. "Selina, you don't have to go." Ruby's whispers came from behind me and I knew he was trying to reassure me. He had witnessed me have a breakdown courtesy of my social anxiety once before and I was sure he would do anything to avoid another one right now. I knew I had to go though, and despite my intimidation and sudden rampant insecurity, something inside of me wanted to get closer to the unfamiliar man anyways. I bit the inside of my cheek and let my arms fall to my sides, clenching my clammy hands into fists and shuffling my way to Monse. By the time I had joined her side and leaned down to see into the car, Cesar's brother was speaking to her again. "It's all good. You just look a little different. What is it?" The sound of his voice made me shiver and I hated to admit that he was undeniably hot. Probably too attractive for his own good. As he waited for a response from Monse his attention turned to me. He shamelessly looked me up and down, his eyes particularly focused on my exposed cleavage. I was sure that by now the small bit of attention had turned me the same shade of red that his car was and when he looked back up and met my stare, it was a surprise that my knees didn't buckle. I shifted my weight around, getting antsy under his gaze, but unable to stop myself from mimicking his actions when he licked his lips. He chuckled at that, the discovery of his dimples making me nibble on my lower lip. "My boobs." For a moment I had forgotten that Monse was there, but I was thankful for her blatant answer. It gave me a chance to shake away the tingles that had been buzzing around my body. "Nah, you got your braces off." Spooky nodded at her, raising an eyebrow as his eyes drifted to check out the assets she was newly sporting. The ever familiar pit of disappointment settled in my gut until a laugh rumbled from his chest. "Let me know when you look that." He tilted his chin towards me and I couldn't stop my face from morphing into one of shock. However, it wasn't long before a shy smile was pulling at my lips and I looked to the ground coyly, not missing the smirk stretching across his face. Most girls might've been uncomfortable under his intruding stare and bold words but the only thing making me queasy was the flashes of hope and insecurity tightening my stomach. I might've stood there and let him talk to me like that for hours if it wasn't for the affronted look Monse shot us both. I met the girl's gaze, instantly seeing her desire to leave in her shining eyes. "You're tripping." I looked back at the cholo behind the wheel and shook my head, doing my best to keep my voice steady. "Nice '63." I patted the bottom of the open window and pursed my lips into a smile as I began to stand up straight. His eyebrows furrowed and he huffed, looking at me as if I had just confused him, but his cocky smile never faltered. I followed Monse back towards the boys, missing the way that Spooky craned his neck to get a better look at my retreating form. "Hey!" His voice stopped me in my tracks, and it took me only a second to turn around and see him leaning out his window again. "I'll see you around princesa." He kissed his teeth and gave me one last once over before ducking back into the car and beginning to drive off, his chuckles barely reaching my ears over the loud rap music and sound of my heart racing. My brain was a muddled mess of thoughts, the excited and happy buzz clashing with the negative realism that always lingered in my head. I stood in the street, the warm feeling lingering in my stomach despite the fact that I was reminding myself that guys like him don't go for girls like me. Caroline would've called that thought a personal attack, but in my eyes it was just a simple fact. He could have any girl he wanted on her knees in front of him with a single smile. That didn't match up with my rolls and squishy bits, which pushed people away. The more I got lost in my thoughts the more stupid I felt about how easily I had gotten my hopes up. Apparently I had learned nothing from my past experience with boys. "Selina." Jamal's voice shattered through my spiralling thoughts, making me realize that I had been watching the car disappear down the street. I mumbled an apology as I rejoined the group, shaking my head to rid myself of the possibly impending breakdown. Ruby appeared behind me and tossed his sweater over my chest as we all waited for Monse to say something. "When did Oscar get out?" The faintest hints of a smile pulled at my lips at the revelation of his real name. "Six weeks ago." Ruby admitted, hovering over me as if I had just been assaulted and wasn't simply trying to get rid of the butterflies swirling around my stomach. "Now it makes sense. Whatever Cesar said, he said to impress Oscar. Cesar's terrified of his brother." Monse had fizzled out a bit after her interaction with Spooky, but the determination in her voice never wavered. "Along with everyone else." Jamal piped up from behind us all. His words made me furrow my eyebrows and I couldn't keep myself silent. "Why?" Sure, there had been something about the man that made me freeze up but I put that onto my anxiety. The look the younger boy was shooting me said that there was something else going on, though. "Oscar's the leader of the Santos." He explained and suddenly the tattoos and Spooky made sense. The naive part of my brain said that just made him hotter but I refused to be that dumb. Stupid thoughts like that would get you killed in Freeridge. As the others bickered I came to the realisation that I hadn't even glanced at Cesar during the entire ordeal and I still had no clue what the shunned squad member looked like. I didn't dwell on it for very long though, distracted by a sound coming from behind us. "Tax time, bitches!" "Shit, Latrelle." I froze in place and shakily turned around with the others, but most of the intimidation factor was lost the second I landed eyes on the scrawny kid behind us. The only keeping me weary was Ruby's countless tales of Freeridge muggings. "Hands up, money out." I was surprised at how quickly the squad's hands shot up, and despite my urge to say something I bit my tongue as I raised mine. "How can we take money out with our hands up?" Ruby rambled from his spot next to me, his comment making me shift uneasily. "I know you bookheads got that back to school gwop." He sneered at Ruby before meeting my wide eyes and I was suddenly glad for the black hoodie tied around my shoulders. "It's orientation day. So technically, we're neither back to school nor out of school. We're-" I slowly reached over and clamped a hand over Monse's mouth before she could say anything else. "We don't have any money." Ruby shook his head, but it didn't take more than a glare from Latrelle for Jamal to mention the $20 Geny had slipped Ruby before we left the house. "Really?" I hissed, reaching over and smacking Jamal on the back of the head as Latrelle walked off with the money. "At least you have your own room." He swatted my hand away and grinned at a fuming Ruby, the change of subject luckily enough to distract him.

My plans for after orientation had been to go home, avoid all mirrors and drown my feelings in ice cream. Maybe let my thoughts wander to a certain cholo for bit. They had not been to walk Jamal and Monse home. But when the girl looked up at me with wide eyes and an even wider smile, I couldn't say no. I should've said no. I realized that as soon as we stopped across the street from a house with a multitude of Santos outside of it. Most of them were spread out drinking or playing cards. My eyes moved over a younger boy sitting on a couch who I assumed to be Cesar, before they finally settled on Oscar who was sat on a crate next to his brother. My tongue peaked out of my mouth as I watched him lift a weight over his head, the veins in his arms and the way his face scrunched up with effort distracting me from Jamal and Monse's persistent bickering. "Selina, if someone breaks up with you over text, is it official?" The question caught me off guard and forced me to pay attention to the teenagers once more. "Uh, yeah." I answered, not following where he was going with the question. "Then consider me the text." I chuckled, surprised at his metaphor. "You've been dumped!" Monse rolled her eyes and grabbed my wrist, turning towards the house, clearly done with Jamal's antics. A flash of panic flooded through me at the thought of accompanying her to the front yard, not jumping at the idea of standing in front of the intimidating group. "Wait, please don't go." Jamal grabbed her one again, relief washing over me when she turned back to him. "Please, you're... You're not safe." Suddenly my anxiety was no longer my biggest concern. "Why?" Monse and I both questioned at the same time, earning us an exasperated look from Jamal. "Because you've... blossomed." He didn't even bother looking at me, all his focus directly on Monse. "Blossomed?" A small smirk appeared on my face at the stupid euphemism, but Monse hadn't caught on yet. Much to Jamal's chagrin. "Popped. Busted out. Puffed your party pillows. Whatever you want to call your new cha-cha-bingos. These new homies he's hanging with, they're thirsty." All I could do was blink at the rambled outburst. Jamal was something special, and I wasn't sure if I'd ever get used to him. With one last glance at Monse's chest he shoved his sweater into her arms, earning a giggle from me which was quickly silenced by Monse's next words. "That's why I'm bringing Selina." My jaw dropped and I whipped my head towards her. It was one thing to stand across the street and make sure she was okay, but I had no business strutting up there with her. "Mine don't have anything on hers." I smiled for a moment at her words, my face quickly falling when I remembered what her plans for me were. "Besides, Oscar was practically foaming at the mouth for her." I spluttered and smacked her hands away as she reached to perch my boobs up higher. "He doesn't give a shit about me." I urgently whispered, wildly pointing at the gang leader who now had a beer in his hand. Both kids ignored me in favour of continuing their staring contest until Jamal broke. "I hate when you're right." He muttered as I rolled my eyes and swallowed the lump in throat, coming to terms with the fact that I was going whether I liked it or not. I shifted my weight around anxiously as I appeased Monse by emphasizing my cleavage a bit more. "Okay! Don't worry, girls! I got your back... from right here." Jamal's voice faded away as we approached the house together. "Why did I have to come?" My words were practically a whimper and I found myself clasping my hands together in front of me, nervously picking at my nails as we got closer. "Shh, it'll be fine." Having a 14 year old shush me made me blink and look around, embarrassment warming my face a bit. As much as I wanted to trail behind, I remained in step with Monse and when she came to a stop in front of Cesar I just so happened to stop in front of his big brother. Spooky's eyes met mine as he peered at me and took a long sip from his Corona, my eyes following his movements when he ran his hand down his face and wiped the lingering drops of alcohol away from his mouth. "I need to talk to you." As Monse spoke, my eyes flit around the yard and I anxiously shifted my shoulders, noticing all the eyes on us for the first time. "I'm listening." I arched an eyebrow at Cesar's response, very aware of how out of place he looked amongst the Santos. No matter how hard he tried to appear, his act was anything but convincing. "Privately?" Monse pushed, her request making Cesar sigh and look away from her. I could still feel Oscar's gaze on me but I clenched my jaw and continued to focus on the kids. "Yeah, we can go inside." Cesar nodded but almost seemed reluctant to say the words, still looking anywhere but Monse. Spooky's heavy stare was suddenly no longer on me and he was clearing his throat loudly, his actions causing both his brother and I to look in his direction. He looked up at me as he took a sip from his beer, the eye contact causing my stomach to clench. As he lowered his drink he nodded his head at me, shooting me the same grin from our earlier interaction. I tilted my head towards the ground to hide my red cheeks and pursed my lips to fight off a smile. "But, uh, if you wanna sit on my face, you gotta put that mouth on pause so I can concentrate." Cesar's words made my head snap up and my jaw drop, my shocked stare drilling into the side of his face. The guys around the yard all began to laugh at the comment and our reactions, and before I knew it Monse was gone. "Monse!" My head turned and I called out for her retreating form but she never looked back, and I couldn't even blame her for abandoning me there. If it were me in her position I probably would've ended up crying in front of the gang members. Earlier, all I had wanted was to be as far away from this place as possible but now that I had my chance to leave something was holding me there. Monse had spent the entire day defending Cesar and I'd be damned if I let him disrespect her without a care in the world. With Monse gone all eyes were on me, but I ignored the other Santos in favour for bending over to be face with face with the boy stretched out on the couch. I clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes at him, too angry to notice Oscar leaning over for a better view of my ass. "You might wanna start using your fucking brain if you want to stop jerking it to pictures of Ruby's Abuelita and get some real pussy." His brown eyes widened with every word I spoke and flashed to my hand when I momentarily jerked it along to my words. Murmurs and laughter came from the onlookers but I never took my attention off of the teenager in front of me. A part of me expected some sort of response from him, but all he could do was stare at me, proving for a fact that he was far from hard. I dragged my eyes over his form, visibly unimpressed and humphed, standing back up and turning to leave. "Hey mami, you're more than welcome to stay." I hadn't gotten more than a few feet away when Spooky's voice froze me in place and had my heart climbing into my throat. I shakily turned back around, eyes starting on him before moving across the other Santos. "Looks pretty packed." I ignored the empty spots next to Cesar and licked my lips nervously, not missing the way Oscar's eyes followed my actions. "I got a spot for you right here." As Spooky patted his lap, his friends whistled and jeered but all I could do was leer at him in embarrassment. My arms instinctively crossed over my stomach in an attempt to make myself smaller and as he pursed his mouth into a self-satisfied smirk I had to look away, before I ended up perching myself on his lap. "Where'd all that spice go, hyna?" Oscar called out to me again but I couldn't hold his stare for long and soon I was rushing away, not bothering to wait for Jamal or Monse. "Selina? Are you okay?" The two of them were hurrying to catch up with me, and even though we were well down the street from the house my pace didn't slow. "What did they do to you?" I finally stopped and whirled around to face them, throwing my arms out to the side and shrugging. "Nothing." I admitted, hating how easily flustered I became around people. All it took was a few suggestive comments and I turned into a useless pile of mush. Maybe my anxiety was to blame, or my lack of experience with boys. The guys in Waterdown would never even bat an eye at me, let alone waste their time flirting. It was strange to be seen. Scary to be seen. And yet, I wanted him to see me. "Look, I'll catch you guys later." The friends stared at me with concerned eyes before sharing a look between them. "You're good from here, right?" They were much safer on Freeridge streets than I was currently, but I still found myself asking. Jamal looked like he was going to protest but Monse spoke before he could. "Yeah. We're good." She smiled. "You know how to get back to Ruby's from here, right?" I nodded, forcing a smile onto my face before saying goodbye and starting the short walk home.

When I got back to the house I decided not to mention the short visit to Cesar's house to Ruby, not knowing how'd he react or what he'd have to say. There wasn't much to say anyways, nothing had really happened between Oscar and I, and I was sure that Monse was looking forward to telling Ruby about what an asshole Cesar had been herself. I was glad I chose to keep my mouth shut because the moment I entered the house I was affronted by a glowering Ruby. I listened to him whine and complain about his new living situation while helping him move Abuelita's things into his room. But the moment he suggested bunking with me I was out, telling him that I had promised his mom I would take the twins to the park. That had been a complete lie, but I would've done anything to get out of that situation. It took me a while to wrangle the twins but eventually we were ready to go and Geny had given me the okay to take them. As we were stepping out the door a hand clamped down on my shoulder making me jump. "What?!" I cried, half expecting to see Ruby or the boogeyman behind me. However, spinning around showed Abuelita, the keys to her Station Wagon in her hand and a knowing glimmer in her eyes. "Thanks." I smiled as I reached out for the keys, pleasantly surprised that she trusted me to take her car even though I might as well have still been a stranger. "You have your license, right?" She pulled the keys back momentarily, her voice laced with suspicion. "Yes, Abuelita. I'll let you laugh at the picture when we get back." I sighed, rolling my eyes softly. "Good. Have fun, mija." My promise returned the smile to her face and she handed the keys over without another problem. If getting the twins out of the house had been hard, getting them into the car was near impossible. I managed though, and within a few minutes we were pulling away fro the house. We had hit our first red light by the time I realized I had no clue where the nearest park was, much to the twins amusement. Luis was ready to tell me the moment I offered to buy them juice at the park, but Luisa made him hold off until I made the promise of ice cream, then they were more than happy to shout out directions to me. When we arrived I forced them to run around for a bit before buying them both a Popsicle off of the slightly unnerving ice cream man. I sat down on a bench facing the play structure and opened their ice cream for them, letting them run wild and wincing at the thought of how sticky they'd be when they returned to me. A couple hours passed and I spent most of my time closely watching the twins, paranoid that something might happen to them. Luckily for me they had worn themselves out before sunset and I had them home in time to take a bath before supper. After dinner I helped Geny wash up and tidy the house, despite her assurance that she was perfectly fine doing it alone, and on my way to my bedroom I dropped my drivers license into Abuelita's lap, smiling tiredly when I heard her laugh of victory. The sun had dipped below the horizon a while ago and that made me feel a bit better about how tired I was. I shamelessly swapped out my proper clothing with an oversized t-shirt and pair of panties, crawling under the blankets after scrubbing my makeup off my face. Just as I closed my eyes my phone buzzed from it's place on my side table, a text from Ruby lighting up the screen. Cesar thing explained tomorrow.

Next Day*

"And then Cesar said that he smashed Monse!" Ruby finished his long explanation with a gasp for breath, filling his lungs with air after ranting without a breath for a solid five minutes. He had dragged me out of bed at noon and sat on the toilet as I did my makeup, obviously ready to relieve himself of his secrets. His final outburst made me pause, my orange lipstick hovering over my pouted lips. "And did he?" I prompted, chancing a glance at the boy to my left. My casual tone and question left him bewildered, almost offended at even the simple suggestion. "Definitely not." Ruby shook his head with a scoff, both of us rolling our eyes at each other. I mumbled out an apology simply for the sake of moving on with the conversation, smacking my lips together and leaving the bathroom with Ruby trailing behind me. The twins barrelled past in a storm of chaotic energy, forcing me to stop in my tracks and causing Ruby to run into me. The two of us shared a tired look, continuing to the kitchen where I began rummaging around for some sort of breakfast. Ruby sat at the table, his head in his hands and his mouth finally still, allowing me to pour myself a bowl of cereal with some peace and quiet. "Mijo, I need your help with something." "Can't Selina help you?" I paused my hunt through the fridge when I heard my name, eyes finally landing on the milk as I kept my head in the fridge and waited for Abuelita's response. "No. She's eating." Ruby's groan of defeat meant that I was in the safe. I slowly pulled my head out of the fridge, spoon hanging out of my mouth and wide eyes finding what I had escaped from. "Heh, my bad." I chortled, sarcasm leaking from my fake sympathy as I spotted the sewing kit and bright pink fabric. The spoon muffled my words but my cousin had heard them loud and clear and I could feel his glare on me as I sat at the table. His cold stare barely wavered as I ate my cereal and he was forced to stand on Abuelita's small pedestal. I shot him a teasing wink as I stood and placed my dishes in the sink, eagerly making my way to the living room to get a better view of the show. I dropped down onto the empty sofa with a slight bounce, tucking my legs to my chest and resting my chin on my knees. The longer we sat there the more the dress came together and the better things got. At some point I had pulled out my phone and hadn't stopped taking Snapchats since, my distracting laugh the soundtrack to most of the videos. We were meant to meet Jamal and Monse a while ago to discuss the Cesar issue but now that I knew the big secret, I didn't really care all that much. While Ruby begged to leave I remained content on the couch, shifting around every so often to get another angle of him in his princess dress. His phone had been stolen by Abuelita, so it wasn't that surprising when Monse burst through the front door wondering what the hold up was. "What's going on?" She asked, annoyed eyes taking in the sight before her. I sat up and aimed my phone at the irate girl for a moment before focusing back on Ruby. "I think it's pretty obvious." "Something wonderful." Ruby wallowed in self pity while I laughed, probably enjoying his misery a bit too much. "Great. So, walk me through the moment Cesar said what he said." My eyebrows raised and my lips puckered when I realized Monse had come over for the information I had been told this morning. "Don't worry about it." Ruby's refusal to tell the girl anything wasn't making any sense. Monse already knew what Cesar said, what was the point of trying to hide anymore from her? The kid was making things unnecessarily hard on himself. "There you again." Monse scoffed, back to square one with Ruby. "There you go again what?" The short boy snapped back at, looking more like a sassy princess than anything else at the moment. "Keeping things from me. You gotta stop withholding, God damn it!" I sighed, already tired of the argument. With my mood deflating by the second I rubbed the bridge of my nose and put my phone down as Monse apologized to Abuelita for her language. "You should just tell her." I suggested, throwing my hands up exasperatedly when I became the target of Ruby's short temper. Before I could bite back Monse was pulling Ruby out the front door, leaving me to squeeze my eyes shut groan loudly to myself. "He's a puto sometimes, you know that?" I opened my eyes and looked to Abuelita, sliding myself forward to sit on the edge of the couch and try to catch a glimpse of the duo on the front porch. "Si." Abuelita's casual tone and solemn nod made me stare at her for a few seconds before a loud laugh burst out of my chest. "Bravo." We both leaned in and winked at each other, but our laughter came to a halt when Ruby came running in yelling about Monse was on her way to kill Cesar. He fumbled trying to get the quince dress off his body and I stood up to help, not getting any time to brag about how I had used a Spanish term correctly all on my own. I waited at the door and texted Jamal while Ruby rushed to his room to change, following after him when he ran out the door. Albeit my pace was much more relaxed than his, a part of me hoping that Monse would at least land a solid hit before someone broke things up. We met Jamal on the way and I made sure to stay relatively close to the boys, not wanting to get lost in the dark streets alone. I slowed down as we approached Cesar's house, letting the boys break through the crowd of Santos to reach Monse. I lingered behind, a proud smile pulling at my features when I saw that she had gotten her hands on Cesar. Ruby and Jamal pulled her slender form off of their old friend and I crossed the lawn as they continued to tug her backwards. I didn't even spare a glance at the barking men behind me, too invested in the struggle going on. I stood off to the side, hands slid comfortably into my back pockets, unable to hide my wince when the boys told Monse she was being crazy. "Crazy? I'm crazy?" As expected she pulled herself out of their arms and turned her anger onto them. "Calm down. Breathe." I shot Ruby a pitiful look and groaned through my teeth, his words only making Monse's fury burn hotter. "Don't you patronize me! I don't need you! Any of you!" She pushed Jamal out of her way, her actions making me tilt my head in surprise. It was obvious she was pissed off, but she was about to cross a line. "I was just trying to keep our crew together, but since I'm the only one who cares, you're all dead to me! I'll survive on my own!" Her fiery eyes met mine and a second later she was gone, her angry tirade of hurtful words having silenced everyone. "God damn, you guys pissed her off." I broke the silence after a few seconds, a smile of disbelief turning my lips upwards even though the situation was far from funny. Both boys turned their shell shocked stares onto me but I had already turned and began walking away. "Yeah, and what are we supposed to do about it?" Ruby yelled after me, frustration and worry lacing his voice. I threw my arms out to the side and shook my head. The last thing I right now wanted was to play therapist or life coach. "Not my problem." I called over my shoulder, not bothering to look back at the defeated friends. As I continued my casual stroll down the street my eyes flashed around the darkness and it didn't take long for the shadows to put me on edge. Walking around Freeridge alone, at night, was not a smart thing to do. So, I quickly turned around, slight panic setting in when I saw that Ruby and Jamal had already started down the opposite end of the street. "Hey, wait though! I'm gonna walk back with you guys!" I called out to them, the darkness sending a shiver up my spine and pushing me to lightly jog to catch up. I breezed past the house where all the Santos still stood, chancing a quick glance at them and catching Spooky's eye from where he sent on a ledge. I shot him a quick grin before turning back to the boys, my light jog turning into more of a sprint until I caught up to them. "You know, I've ran more during my two days in Freeridge than I did in two years in Waterdown."

Next Day*

The next day Monse had spent her morning across the street at Jasmine's house in an act of rebellion against the boys, and I been peer pressured into going over there and trying to get her to forgive them. I had meandered over there in a pair of grey sweatpants and a cropped Coca Cola t-shirt, white sandals on my feet and sunglasses covering my tired eyes. "What's good?" I yawned as I entered the front yard, ignoring the suspicious look Monse shot me and stretching out on the steps next to her. Jasmine accepted me eagerly, talking excitedly about we were all going to join dance together. To conserve her joy I remained silent, eyes admiring my white pedicure and not mentioning the fact that I would most certainly not be joining dance. Or any other extra curricular activity for that matter. I just wanted to get this stupid fifth year over with. I had been so close to graduating back home, but when things started to go down the drain school was my last priority. Which left me here, doing an extra year of high school, which was far from common in the US as Ruby had pointed out to me. Despite my refusal to join dance at school, I couldn't help myself from standing up when Jasmine added music to her awkward moves. I bopped over to her, an ear splitting smile lighting up her face as I joined her dancing, not particularly caring if anyone currently around saw me. As I twisted my hips I saw Monse wandering towards the boys out of the corner of my eye. "Damn Selina, you gotta teach me that." Jasmine had suddenly grabbed my arms, her eyes flashing between my face and my hips, effectively preventing me from watching whatever would happen between the three across the street. I smiled sheepishly at her, unsure about how to tell her I didn't know how to each her because it wasn't something I could explain, I just did it naturally. Despite that, I still ended up spending most of my dad attempting to teach the young Latina how to move her hips to the music. By the time I got home Ruby, Jamal, and Monse had made up and I had worked up a sweat. I knew that Ruby would take control over the bathroom tomorrow morning so I did as much preparation for tomorrow as I could before going to bed, ready to fight the short boy in the morning if I had too.

Next Day*

"Selina, let's go!" I clenched my jaw at Ruby's shout, releasing the last section of my hair from Geny's curling iron and quickly unplugging the heated tool before rushing out of the bathroom. If Ruby hadn't taken 45 minutes to perfect his hair this morning I would've been done ages ago, so it was technically his fault we were running late. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and followed Ruby out the door, both of us calling a goodbye over our shoulders. We eventually met up with Jamal and Monse, the kids abnormally silent until Monse slowed to a stop across from Cesar's house. She stared, as if she was waiting for said boy to make an appearance. She'd wanted to kill him the other night and yet here she was waiting on him, and I was reminded that I couldn't keep up with freshman drama anymore. "He's not coming with us." "And why would you want him to?" I remained silent as the boys spoke in defeated tones, disappointed to be going into high school without Cesar even if they had been the ones to kick him from the group in the first place. Monse ignored them both and crossed the street, Jamal calling out to her and the three of us watching her go. "See, bitches be bonkers." Jamal turned to Ruby as he began to follow Monse, his comment earning him an offended look from me. "And boys ain't shit." I retorted, crossing the street as well. The three of them gathered at the end of the walkway while I stayed further back, leaning against a tree and noting the Impala was missing from the driveway. After a few tense moments of waiting the front door opened, the sight of Cesar making me stand up a bit straighter. Surprise flooded my body at his appearance. I watched him walk towards the group, a small grin appearing on my face. The four of them turned and started down the sidewalk again, Monse and Cesar walking behind Ruby and Jamal. I trailed behind, watching Monse and Cesar with a knowing glimmer in my eyes. Something had happened. "I can't do this. I can't keep a secret." Jamal broke the group silence. "It's gonna make me implode. I don't know why anybody keeps secrets." The stress of his false football career had been driving the boy insane, and if I were to guess I'd say he didn't have much pretending left in him. "There's something I need to tell you." My eyebrows raised in interest when Monse shared a nervous look with Cesar. Whatever she was going to say though was disrupted by the sound of gunshots ringing through the air. The noise made me jump and look around in a panic, looking to the kids in disbelief when they didn't even flinch. ".44!" They all called, laughing meanwhile my heart had jumped into my throat and my hands were suddenly clammy. In all my days spent in Freeridge I hadn't heard or seen a gun, and that was shown in my reaction. I knew I'd have to get used to it, I just hoped it happened quickly. I didn't want to spend forever on edge. "Cesar." A voice that always sent shivers down my spine came from our right, and sure enough there was Oscar in his red Impala. He nodded his head at him and we all came to a stop at the same time the car did. An expectant purse of my lips was the only reaction I had to the boy backing up and immediately getting into his brother's car. Spooky eyed the others for a second and took one last lingering look back at me before slowly driving off. I remained on the sidewalk while the others traversed into the road, all of us watching the car disappear. "What were you gonna say?" "Cesar... we need to save him."

[jess-the-vampire]

The Demon Next Door, Chapter 9

Previous / Next

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"So...how's progress with jackie?", Star said, hopping alongside marco, "Prom's coming up and you said you planned on her being your date right? Do you even know what you're going to do to prompose?"

"Star, prom's still months away, no need to do it THAT soon...", marco said, mumbling and avoiding eye contact, much to her obvious annoyance. His answer did not satisfy her, especially since marco always planned ahead, if he didn't ask his crush out eventually, well, there were plenty or guys and girls who could ask her out themselves and he wouldn't even get the chance.

This was a huge aspect of marco's plan with jackie and he only recently made it to friendship, he'd run out of time if he kept waiting longer.

She'd think marco would leap at planning how he was to ask her out, but for some reason he seemed...distracted instead, unfocused on jackie. He had no plan already on how he wanted to ask her, he hadn't planned out for 50 different situations or what tux he wanted to wear, none of the prep that marco usually went through to well, do anything.

Distracted and moody, two things marco usually wasn't.

Star didn't linger too much on it though, jackie herself was turning the corner and she waved to the duo, star immediately running up and talking to her. Marco put on his best smile to talk to her too when tom finally met up with the group, in his ripped jeans, jackie and rock shirt, and of course with his spiked collar and punk bracelets. He looked like he crawled out of a rock concert and yet he radiated good energy for marco.

Tom was a beacon of light in a shroud of black.

Marco now truly smiling at seeing him, feelin gat least a little better then he had been.

"Tom!", he said, almost a little too happily.

"Hey guys, sorry i'm late, got held up in my last class...ready for lunch?", he fixed himself up and winked at the group. "I want to get pizza this time bit I might go for the chicken, but I wanna treat you guys this time If i can so you let me know if there's anything on the menu you want, I made some great allowance helping mom clean up our house.".

One of these days marco would have to pay for him, repay how much he liked to pay for his friends so much.

Jackie greeted tom herself, complimenting him on his outfit as they all started heading off to get something to eat. She and star continued talking, the boys behind them, tom looking at the back of star's head as they did. Marco tugging on the straps of is backpack, looking for a subject to talk about that would distract his mind from it's strange mess. Though the stares he was receiving from some of his classmates were not helping at all.

Lucky for him, tom was already ready to talk.

"Hey...so I was thinking, would you wanna go to a concert sometimes...together?", he clutched his jacket, biting at his lips. "Love Sentence is touring soon in the future so...I was wondering...if you'd like to go together, I've never gotten to go to a concert with a friend before...and we had so much fun singing their songs together so if it's cool with you I could get us tickets?".

Marco didn't even have to think about it too hard.

A wide grin on his face followed by a fast, "Yes!", a concert sounded awesome frankly, it was a good time to just get out of the house and get some fresh air. And he could use more fresh air these days, anything to distract him. It meant her didn't have to worry about jeremy or Brittney or school or jackie. He could sit back and have fun and not have all these thoughts hurting his brain.

Tom seemed to just know how to distract him.

Though as he felt tom playfully put an arm around marco's shoulders he felt his body tense up, though he didn't say anything to tom about it, not wanting to make himself look like an idiot in front of the boy.

Ever since the sleepover he's started feeling more...strange around tom, like he enjoyed his presence even more then usual or he got more worried about screwing up in front of tom. Marco lately had summed it up as him having grown much closer to tom, after all, sharing such personal stuff to each other was a clear sign of them becoming closer friends and trusting each other.

And marco just felt more anxious about breaking tom's trust or screwing up in front of him.

That'd explain a lot of his actions recently frankly.

Star and Jackie continued to remain talking as they got to the cafeteria, all of them getting lunch together before jackie said she had to head to a different table with some of her other friends, leaving star and the boys to sit at their regular table. Tom seemed to be checking to marco to see if that bothered him but marco seemed fine, and marco simply shrugged to him.

"It's ok, she sits with us on most days anyway.".

They started munching on pizza and talking about their recent classes, tom gulping down some chocolate milk and going off about how much he's been enjoying art class recently. Star joined it, if only to talk about how much she fingerpaints and how much the teachers tell her she's using way too much glitter on a sculpture of all things, making tom call her out on how that would ruin the clay.

Yeah these two were on some similar levels weren't they?

No wonder tom liked star.

Though marco did seem to feel a little left out as they laughed together, even if tom was edging him on with other conversations to get him to share about his classes today and how stressful his homework was. He liked seeing them friends, it was way better then seeing them fight like star was basically doing, but something just seemed to bug him.

He pushed those thoughts away, he didn't want to be selfish, not when tom liked star so much.

Tom didn't have a problem with him and jackie, he shouldn't care so much about tom and star.

He pushed it down, taking breaths, he needed to relax and focus, he was hanging out with his best friends and he was letting his weird emotions get to him. He took a sip of juice before taking out his phone to show off some cute cat photos to his pals. If anything were to distract these two, it seemed to be extremely cute animals, especially tiny fluffy ones.

Their smiling faces helped make marco feel a little better, tom and star showing off some animal clips and pics as well to the boy. They were both so cheerful, so goofy, seeing them happy really made marco's day. He just liked having them around to keep him company and stop him from spending his days alone and chasing after a girl. Sure, he on occasion hung out with people like Ferguson and Alphonso, a couple of nerds he knew since elementary school.

But tom and star felt different, like genuine friends, not like he hung out just not to be alone and worry his parents.

He felt something with them, he really did.

Maybe that was why he was getting so emotional, he found something valuable.

And he didn't want to lose it.

"Geez...that girl is still staring at us...", star mumbled, staring off to another table where brittney and the other cheerleaders sat, gossiping and glancing over to their table on occasion. It was mostly probably more about tom but tom didn't seem to either notice most of the stuff going around about him, or he pretty much was ignoring it like crazy.

Or maybe people were just too afraid to say it to his face after finding out how strong he was.

That would check out.

Tom glared at the head cheerleader, maybe he didn't know about the rumors but he did know she was giving them all a rather unpleasant look right now and that was enough for him to not like this girl.

She smelled of bad news all over, like she was looking for anything to start something. He'd dealt with people like that before of course, this was far from anything new for him, but there was a apart of him that wanted to tell her off for her disgusted gaze. He didn't like the way she was looking at him, star, or marco as he kept his anger and annoyance in silence.

Though he tried to keep positive around his friends, trying to simply ignore her gaze, "Who cares...anyways...can I come over to study with you guys? Not because I need a lot of help but uh...considering star's grades...". She pouted at tom, how often were him and marco both gonna keep commenting on her grades? They weren't THAT bad were they?

"That seems fair...", marco could never say no to having tom come over and hang out.

She gave marco a dirty look, though it wasn't clear if she was bothered more by the comment or tom just coming along. She never liked to be lectured on her grades by anyone, whether her mom or marco as they were the ones to normally do it.

Marco didn't even defend himself, crossing his arms.

"What? You don't exactly get a ton better from studying with me, maybe tom might help a lot more! I mean, it's worth a shot, besides...you barely listen to me when we study anyway, I don't think tom being there will make it any worse then it already is.".

Besides, more hangout time with tom was always a good thing, especially since marco was in a bad mood to begin with.

Star protested even after lunch and their last period of classes, clearly still not happy about studying. But with tom being dropped off with them and the fact they always studied at marco's house, she didn't have much of a say in the matter. Tom was going to stay no matter what she she didn't wanna go home and deal with her parents instead, so studying it was.

Tom was gonna study with them, period.

And hopefully it might help her grades in some way so star didn't end up repeating a year of school.

As star headed upstairs to marco's room in a rush, marco patted tom on the back, " It's ok, she'll get over it, besides...it'll give you more time to spend with your crush and stuff.". It was a sweet gesture and tom seemed to appreciate it, but marco couldn't lie and say he felt like he wanted to spend more time with tom instead. Not to keep tom from his crush, but seeing them having fun without him...made him feel weird.

He wanted to spend time with him, just a little more today, if only because he felt he needed the company.

Lucky for him, tom seemed to be in no rush to mess with star, asking marco to grab some snacks before they headed up. Marco helping him make some cheesy pretzels to bring up to his room and to share with their weird friend. Tom smiling bright and laughing at the jokes marco was making to him, mostly about how star tried everything in her power to not study.

He really liked hearing tom laugh.

Maybe soon they could do another sleepover, but in marco's room next time.

Tom playfully butted him as they went into marco's room, where star already put off studying to play on her phone instead, ignoring both boys intentionally and overall just wasting time so she didn't have to study. It was so much like star, she was like a painful little sister, and marco hoped to god his baby sister didn't turn out like she when she got to be this age.

Star would probably be a bad influence on her.

"Star~", marco said, teasingly, "C'mon, we got study time!".

"Yeah, well I am studying!", she said in a rather rude voice all things considered, of course she hated studying but still.

Marco looked over her phone to see she was playing one of those cute mobile dress up games and raised an eyebrow, "Uh huh? Studying what? What to wear tomorrow?". He got it, studying was not fun at all, but star had to do it or she would get in serious trouble. Last thing she needed was another reason for her mom to get frustrated with her by the sounds of it.

"Star...c'mon, promise, it won't be so bad this time...we can start with English if you want", he pulled out a book from his backpack from their class and waved it in front of her, "You gotta read star".

"Read to me instead, it'll be more fun!", she said back, still on her phone, marco tapping his foot like an impatient mother.

"But if you're not paying attention, what's the point?".

The food was set aside and tom took the book from marco, breezing through it, "Well, maybe the best way for star to study is to do it in a transformative way? Maybe we like...tell her the story in a way to make it exciting for her?". Marco could see what tom was getting at and honestly it's possible it might actually work, though tom had better come up with something good for it to work.

Yet tom seemed to want marco's guidance, judging by how he was looking at him. He still appreciated that tom was asking him for impust, even if marco didn't always know what he was supposed to do to help.

"Uh...no offence tom, I'm not much of the "Creative type", I'm more the flighty nerd guy, not really the 'artsy' type", but the boy shook his head, "C'mon marco, you love action and adventure, you got some creative juices flowing up there, besides...I could use your help, so maybe this is a good time to maybe get a hang of it?". He was practically begging for it with those eyes and marco couldn't say no to him, guess it really couldn't hurt to help out his best friends with this.

"Alright, fine...I'll give it a shot with you...so...you finished this book already?".

He nodded, "I sorta read it at home after dinner, i'm not a super big reader so i thought the sooner i finish it the better so i can play video games and stuff, but knowing you you're been reading it chapter by chapter and are still only halfway through the book...right?". How did he know? Was marco really this predictable that tom knew him like the back of his hand? Though tom seemed pretty proud he got marco on that one, he was really getting a hang of his personality.

"Don't...spoil it for me...ok?", he asked under his breath.

"I got you...besides, we're not saying exactly what happened, but helping star processing it in a way she'll like!". That was true, marco would probably finish the rest without truly being spoiled on what happened since tom was masking everything. Hopefully star would actually understand instead of being dreadfully confused about everything tom was trying to say to her.

But who knew with star, she might just ignore all of it, she tended to forget a lot of what she was taught days after anyway.

"Star? Hey, here...we'll tell you a bit about the story", tom tapped her shoulder and she grumpily turned around to see tom open the book and pulled marco to sit next to him on the bed.

She didn't seem all that excited, but what else could they do?

"So in this story, we got this cool fierce girl, and she's out looking for treasure, and she's working with these guys she doesn't really like...but learns to like, and there's betrayal and she has to survive...". He was summing it up and making it more exciting then it probably was, but it was getting star's attention, at least for a little bit. Her crown dissipating a little.

"So she like fights for her life against enemies and well...", he looked to marco, "Not to spoil the ending but...it gets wild!".

Star looked a bit skeptic, but more interested then she did before.

So it seemed to be working, even if it was only for a little bit.

Tom continued further, not disclosing all the details and replacing some of the aspects with something else but star was starting to get more and more interested then this then her phone as tom went on, marco quickly joining in. Though maybe the two of them were getting off track just a little as it devolved into a story involving fairs and dragons and demons.

Tom insisting that the demons aren't evil, but just tricky, and that there was a demon who was in love with the human girl protagonist.

With tom's love of creepy and spooky things, his want to have the scary monsters be seen as good people was rather unsurprising, instead of being defeated, tom wanted them as the hero of the story.

Honestly he should his own story someday, he seemed to really enjoy it and have a knack for it. With his fun demonic heros and a magical land, it seems like something tom would have a blast doing since he seemed to be able to come up with this all off the bat.

Definitely not in the story, but marco had to admire tom's creativity, he was pretty good.

The study session actually seemed to get star to take out her book and start reading, even if technically they weren't being entirely truthful, but getting her excited about reading was a good thing if any.

Hopefully this would get her to maybe read more books in the future if they could do that.

As the session progressed, marco felt they had made some progress, even if they had partially goofed off quite a bit throughout the whole thing. Their homework got finished and the three soon found themselves watching some movies together downstairs later that night, marco resting in between his two best friends and laughing alongside them both.

He was actually feeling a lot better, maybe they could get more study sessions like this soon?

Where marco could just rest and relax and enjoy himself and not...worry so much, like he seemed to do way too much as is.

Though he soon felt drowsy, clearly everything of the day finally wearing him down. His eyes were starting to close and his head was nodding off, he was sinking into the couch and he could barely keep himself up and awake anymore, his friend's voices becoming a blur.

His head falling over unknowingly onto tom's shoulder next to him, tired and falling to sleep. Tom was not yet asleep but didn't push marco away either, allowing the boy to rest against him, snoring softly. Tom smiled, watching the rest of the movie with his friends next to him. Ignoring star, who was staring right at them with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

Tom closing his eyes for a nap himself, his head resting on marco's.

Comfortable, and happy.

Marco woke up later, stretching himself out only to find the bodies of his two friends were both gone. His hands instead patting the surface of the couch and his eyes finally awaking to find himself alone in his living room.

He rubbed his eyes, thinking maybe he was dreaming, but as he blinked again, no, he was indeed awake. His best friends just were no longer beside him on the couch, or anywhere in sight for that matter.

His friends went home? Without even telling him bye? No, that didn't seem like something they'd do.

Or were they in the bathroom or something?

He yawned, how long had he been asleep exactly? He remembered the movie and next thing he new...he was nodding off.

Then he heard voices coming from upstairs and got up and off the couch, fixing his hair to head upstairs and see where his friends were. The voices seemingly coming from the boy's bedroom. Marco wanted to just head in and see them before they headed home tonight, but he found himself pressing an ear against his own door instead, wondering what the two could be talking about that led to them locking themselves inside his own room.

This was probably wrong.

But-

Something seemed...off, and marco had to know what was going on just in case his friends were up to something bad. For all he knew star was about to do something stupid and dangerous again.

"Are you going to tell him?", star asking, seemingly coming from where his bed normally was, probably meaning she was sitting on it. Knowing her, she was the one who suggested to go in marco's room, janna told her well enough about it's locks after all.

"I'm not sure...I mean, I want to...I think I should but...what would he think? I mean, you and me...we're-"., Tom said, the sound of footsteps following him, he must've been pacing around.

"I'm sure he wouldn't care THAT much tom, probably", she said back, and knowing her, she was probably shrugging or something, he legs hanging off the bed and kicking.

"They why do I have to tell him, why not you?"

The pacing seemed to stop.

"You know why...if you don't say anything he'll figure it out on his own eventually...It's hard enough keeping it secret as is...".

Secret? What secret?

Tom had a secret? And star was in on it?

"Star, even you avoided telling him, clearly it does matter to you if you haven't said anything already...", knowing tom he was crossing his arms at her, making a face and looking disapproving to the girl. At leas that's how marco imagined it going knowing his friends right now.

Star didn't respond, marco pressing against the door further.

"Ok fine, but like...he's kinda our best friend...we gotta stop meeting in secret, otherwise he's gonna walk in on us and well...I'm not sure how we'd talk our way out of it. We're already on a tightrope around him at this point, you know he'll catch on soon.". Tightrope? Star was terrible at lying to marco about much of anything! What could she possibly hide from him he wouldn't know about?

"We'll need time to figure it out...I guess...".

Star sighed, "Yeah, just...be careful in the meantime...".

"I could say the same for you...you aren't exactly super subtle...", tom teased, and marco could imagine star pouting and crossing her arms. "Meh, let's just get back to marco...we have to head out soon anyway...we don't wanna leave without saying goodbye!". Marco felt a shudder through his body before quickly moving from the door to head back downstairs and back on the couch.

He didn't want them to know he heard them, or knew something was up.

Though the whole thing left his mind wandering as he tried to pretend to be asleep, first tom and star talk and work things out without him knowing. Now he finds they're sharing secrets and talking behind his back? Maybe he was taking this too far, his friends could talk without him, but it just...bothered him. He had so many questions, that when the two came back downstairs, he failed to hide his nervousness as he "Woke up".

"Hey Marco! Sorry to wake you, but we better get back home!", Tom motioned to star, "Thanks for inviting me...i'll text you later ok?". It seemed tom nor star had noticed marco's weird smile too well, probably assuming marco was just startled awake by their presence. Tom went in for the hug, marco wrapping his arms around him softly before star joined in.

The two sending him waves and smiles as they headed out, marco left feeling stranger and stranger.

What was going on?

Marco spent way too long that night trying to process everything, his emotions were getting weird, his friends were acting weird.

Was he just going crazy?

He was probably taking this all way too seriously, whatever tom and star wanted to tell them they could tell them in their own time, he shouldn't be snooping through something that was personal for them. It just felt...strange, he never got left out by his best friends like this before, he was used to star and tom sharing stuff with him, what made this different?

Did marco do something wrong?

He was beating himself up mentally for thinking like that, of course not, it must be something different entirely.

Hopefully.

Hanging out with them the next day, marco was struggling to try and hide the fact that he knew something. That he knew something that he wasn't supposed to know about, trying to be normal as the two of them talked, he was too distracted to even focus on jackie when she waved to him that day. He tried to play it off as lack of sleep but he did feel like tom suspected something.

Tom was already getting their tickets and smiling and talking and Marco couldn't even enjoy it as much as he wanted to, worried he'd slip that he spied on his best friends and listened in on them.

Star had lessons that night and tom told marco he'd be busy that night helping his parents go shopping, so marco was left to his own devices as he did his homework. He couldn't focus though, it was hard to when his mind was wandering so much. He wished he had his friends here to help distract him but all he had now were his own thoughts and nothing else.

He sighed, looking at his empty bedroom.

He wondered if they were talking to each other more often without him, and what they said to each other.

Tap tap.

"AHHH!", marco nearly tossed his book aside, practically fainting as janna opened his window and popped her way inside. The girl loved to do stuff like this but BOY was marco not in the mood for her nonsense. Janna must've known marco was alone tonight, deciding it was a great time to break in and mess with him, because of course this was the time she wanted to break in.

"JANNA!".

"Hey marco!", she said, smirking, shutting the window behind her, "Mind if i drop in? No? Good.". She casually strode in, right to Marco's closet, digging through it for anything of use. "So star and tom are out tonight? Never thought they'd leave you alone, they're always attached to your hip like glue. But hey, finally means I get my chance to hang out in here.".

"Since when do you care about if you break in when people are looking?".

She shrugged, "I don't, I just prefer to not have any distractions when I'm bothering you.". She said it so casually, and marco snorted at her while she went through his things, though considering his resistance to her actions, janna had a feeling something was up. Marco usually started flipping out about her but now he just seemed...blank and sad.

She looked at his face, stopping what she was doing before giving him a look.

"Uh...what's wrong with you?".

"It's none of your beeswax janna...".

However, this only encouraged her, standing up, "Y'know, if you don't tell me i can easily hypnotize you into telling my yourself right? So I mean, would you rather tell em now or have me spill all your dark secrets to the world?". Marco became red faced, of course she went there, of course, he should have known better then to give her any reason to be suspicious.

Fantastic.

"Look it's just...star and tom are talking without me and I think they're hiding something from me and...".

"Oh? So they're dating now in secret and you're getting jealous?".

Marco was caught entirely off guard from that response, "W-what?".

"Dude, c'mon, it's obvious, they're dating and have no idea how to tell you...probably think it'll hurt your friendship or something...c'mon now", she said this so plainly, like marco was stupid for never actually thinking it beforehand. Marco was not sure how to respond, it was just like janna to make stuff like this up for the purpose of messing with him.

But she almost seemed to make sense, her claim at least.

Tom and Star did meet in secret without telling marco and seem to patch things up between them, and they did seem to look at each other a bit, and he did know tom had been pursuing her for a bit. But without telling marco? That didn't seem like tom much at all, tom and him were always talking about their crushes and helping each other out , why not say anything?

Maybe he could see Star not tell him considering how she felt about tom before.

But Tom?

"In denial huh?", Janna was being way too smug right now and marco didn't like one bit of it, "Hey, that's fine dude, don't complain to be when they start meeting more in secret, going on dates, kissing at lunch in front of you...". marco suddenly got very red faced and pushed her away from him, "Just...stop, I-I'm not...jealous, even if they were dating now...why would I be jealous? They'd be happy right? it's what tom wants."

Janna was still smirking, "I mean, it's getting a bit obvious...but I mean, it's fine, it'll be funnier watching you deal with it yourself". Marco was about ready to kick her from his home at this point, having it up to here with this. "Look, I've told everyone countless time over and over...ever since she arrived, me and star are NOT an item?! Ok? I don't have a crush on her!".

"I mean, I didn't say it had to be star...".

"Out!"

Marco was already pushing her out of his room and shutting the door behind her before resting his back against it and sighing, what if she was right? What if Tom and Star were dating in secret?

What if marco really was starting to get...jealous?

He shook his head, no no, he's starting to fall for more of her nonsense again, he really should stop falling for it, unless he wanted to get himself into more trouble. Janna was not the most truth worthy person around and he should know better then to listen to a word coming from her mouth. She was simply trying to mess with him, mess with his emotions and get him upset.

And Marco was just letting her.

Next time he saw star and tom, he was going to be a better friend, more trusting, less of a mess as he was for now.

If janna ruined their friendships over this nonsense he was going to explode.

He took a moment to breathe, he just needed some sleep, he was getting too worked up over this. Then he heard janna talking to his parents downstairs and immediately opened the door, he shoved janna out of his room, not his house! Who knows what she was doing downstairs! Marco quickly opened the door and headed downstairs, seeing his parents laughing with janna on the couch, making marco even more frustrated as they all waved at him.

"Marco! We didn't know you had a friend over!".

"I don't.", he said bitterly.

Janna smirked at him, lying back on the couch and enjoying herself, "Marco was just telling me about his crush on-". Marco shushed her as loud as possible, "Sorry guys, but janna is leaving, before pulling janna from the couch. Janna didn't even protest as marco pulled her away and towards the door," C'mon, stop busting into my house, what if i was naked?!".

"Fine with me.".

"Out."

Janna was pushed out the door and before marco could even close it she leaned herself against it, "C'mon marco, you've had to have at least considered it? You sure aren't getting this way about jackie." Marco was so red faced and embarrassed and he just wanted her out, shutting the door in her face, what did she know about his feelings? She couldn't read minds.

And she was questioning how much he liked jackie? She was with them since kindergarten! Of course she was aware of marco's long crush on jackie! She used to tease him about it all the time! Marco sighed and locked the door, his parents watching him curiously, probably worried something was seriously wrong with him. He smiled and pointed to the stairs, "I'm...going to get some rest...I'll see you tomorrow.".

He quickly headed upstairs, still red in the face.

Opening his door to find-

"Janna!?".

"Yo."

There she was, sitting on his bet, eating chips.

He forgot to lock the window.

"Janna for pete's sake, why can't you just leave me alone!", marco shouted at her, janna munching on her food to herself. "Alright fine marco, i'll go, but like, you outta be careful, before you hurt someone's feelings.". She shrugged before heading out of the window, the window shutting behind her and leaving marco in the dust. Marco feeling a weight off him but somehow...he almost regretted her going.

Like he didn't want to be alone.

He sat on his knees, thinking heavily about all the words coming from janna's mouth, messing with his hair.

"I don't...I don't know why my best friends don't want to tell me the truth but...whatever reason it's for, it has to be important to them", he liked his lips, brushing at his face, "They're my friends, if they're dating, i should just wait till they come out and tell me, wait until they're ready...right? Right. I have to be here to support them, I...I need to trust them.".

Then he remembered what else she said and shook his head.

"No no...none of that, they're just my friends...star is my best friend, tom is...", he felt himself hesitate with that one a bit more, "Best friend, he's just my best friend...and tomorrow...i'm gonna be the best friend i can possibly be for both of them".

[ahiddenpath]

My Tarot Decks

Hey babes!  I wanted to share my tarot decks and tell you a bit about them.  Maybe one might be right for you!

The decks are listed in the order I received them.  Please click the links to look at the deck art!  These decks are all a feast for the eyes.

Shadowscapes Tarot

This is my first deck, I can’t recall when I purchased it- it was a long time ago!  At the time, it was on a ton of “top 10 recommended decks” lists, and I already knew and loved Stephanie Pui-Mun Law’s faerie watercolor art.

Law’s art is detailed and decadent, and while the cards are gorgeous...  I find they get in the way of themselves.  Ideally, tarot cards should guide our subconsciousness and spark our intuition...  But instead, I find myself squinting at an image featuring ten foxes, a large humanoid figure, and a few smaller fey critters, barely able to make everything out on the tiny tarot card.

I couldn’t use the deck at all, and I thought my third eye must be permanently napping xD  Sadly, I didn’t touch tarot for years after this.

The art is gorgeous though, definitely take a look at the images.  The deck itself is pretty standard in quality, nothing to compliment, but nothing to complain about (except that the pictures are too detailed for the card size).

The Fountain Tarot

Years and years later, I bumped into the Fountain Tarot and instantly fell in love.  The deck utilizes geometry and cool colors, which made it feel more approachable for my scientist, apparently third eye challenged self.  

This is one of the most high quality decks I own.  The cards have silvered edges, and they feel thick and move like water in my hands.  Apparently, many Seekers feel that the deck is “cold,” which means they can’t connect with it or tap into their instincts while using it.  I agree that it feels more “physical” and “conscious minded” than most of my decks, but as a new Seeker who didn’t really “get” the whole “access your subconscious through Archetypes and instinct” thing, this deck gave me the confidence to try tarot again.  

I can see where an experienced practitioner might pass it by, but if you’re a person who is unsure of their ability to tap into their intuition for whatever reason, give this one a try!  

The downsides to this deck are that it doesn’t have enough diversity in the human figures, and that some folks find it “cold.”  The upside is that the quality is stunning, it may feel more welcoming to “logic-heavy” types, and the art is gorgeous.  This deck was hella expensive when I bought it, but you can pick it up for $25 now, which is mind blowing for what you get!  

Considerate Cat Tarot

This deck features a plethora of actual rescue cats, and a portion of the proceeds goes to shelters.  That was all I needed to know to buy a deck.  Oops, I bought it, how did that happen!

The deck is unusable for me, though.  The cats are adorable, but there’s nothing in the art to guide me towards the meaning the card represents.  It’s just a bunch of cute, sweet babies.  The art and the box design are just adorable, but the deck quality itself is miserable.  The cards are thin, and every single one came scratched and dinged.  This was not a cheap deck, so the poor quality was a huge hit :/  I just can’t recommend it, make a direct donation to shelters instead, my friends.

The Wild Unknown Tarot

A huge swath of Seekers swear by The Wild Unknown, and with good reason.  It utilizes images of nature with lots of black and pops of rainbow technicolor.  The images are comparatively simple, but never boring.  Most users report that it’s a “warm” deck that easily guides Seekers to their intuition.

At $30, it’s a high quality deck for the money.  It also comes with a phenomenal guidebook that will really help new Seekers!  The packaging is lovely, and the cards are thick and feel good in your hands.

Tarot of the Divine

This deck is so wonderful- and it’s the only deck I’ve cried over xD  When I opened the box and saw The Little Mermaid as The Fool, I teared up.  When I saw my favorite tarot card, Strength, depicting Janet and Tam Lin...  Yeah, tears were shed.

But let me back up!  Each card in this deck features a fairy tale/folk tale.  It’s a stunningly diverse deck that taps into the collective unconscious by utilizing folk narratives, the kind that pop up around the globe in various similar forms.  I’ve heard people say that the stories get in the way of readings for them, but I find that the opposite is true.

It comes in a stunning box, it includes a nice guide book, and the cards are good quality with gorgeous art.  At $20, you truly cannot beat the quality per dollar.  Plus, you’ll learn a bunch of new stories from all over the world!

The Lubanko Tarot

I was fortunate to pick this deck up from its kickstarter- I’m not sure when they’ll be available for general sale.  It’s a truly stunning deck!  The creator describes it as such: “The Lubanko Tarot is a richly-illustrated tarot deck of 78 original paintings that traverse the mental landscape of the strange, the subconscious, the queer, the divine, and the intense.”  If you’re not sure what that means, you’ll get it when you hold the deck.  The art rises like neon lights from black cards.  It’s diverse, queer, and bursting with energy.  Reading with it is like sinking your teeth into a neon fruit that drips glowing juices.  I’ve never seen another deck quite like it.

It’s a higher end deck in terms of price, but it came with a guide book, extremely high quality cards with my favorite silvered edges, a gorgeous box, and an altar cloth for readings.  It’s stunning and unique and primal.  I tend to feel quiet and receptive when I read tarot, so it feels a bit loud and intense for me.  Still, I adore it, and I know there will be days when it’s the deck I need.

God this is a stunner.  Please feast your eyes and senses on the art (oh, it’s not all work safe, though).

The Spacious Tarot

A brand new deck (to me, I mean) that arrived yesterday!  And it’s another truly special one.

It’s... kind of the opposite of The Lubanko Tarot.  It’s a quiet deck with a watercolor vibe featuring nature.  In that way, it’s like The Wild Unknown, but it utilizes calm colors instead of the rainbow-on-black intensity.  

What makes this deck so great, I think, is that it’s a collaboration between an artist and a professional tarot practitioner.  The cards are supremely well thought out, and they tell a narrative, which the tarot is meant to do (depicting The Fool’s journey through the rest of the cards).  The structure of the art depicts the inherent structure of the tarot.

This deck truly feels peaceful, like meditation.  I haven’t spent enough time with it to say more, but I’m stoked about exploring it.  The guidebook is tiny, but it does so much with so little, which is ideal for learning.  

The deck comes with a guidebook, a box, and the deck.  The cards are good quality with gorgeous colors.  They aren’t as fancy as The Fountain Tarot or The Lubanko Tarot- not as thick, and not lined with silver.  At $49, it’s not the jaw-dropping value of The Tarot of the Divine, but the beautiful art and the unbelievable thoughtfulness of the deck can’t be overlooked.

Those are my decks!  If anyone would be interested in a video flip through of them, please let me know.  I’d love to tell you my story about Janet and Tam Lin as the Strength card in the Tarot of the Divine!

[birlcholtz]

Bittydex??? (Also your bitty/holster and bittyrans hcs were works of art)

omg. the baking duo. i don’t think i’ve ever like seriously thought about them but NOW I AM AND I LOVE IT HERE GOES

dex is originally wary of bitty for a lot of reasons but a big one is that bitty is openly gay and cute and thus firmly jeopardizes dex’s ability to stay closeted/repress everything for his entire time in college. oh boy.

but of course, eventually he’s like y’know what fuck it whatever bitty’s cool i can do this

and as he gets to know bitty, it’s almost laughable how different they are, but dex eventually kind of internalizes the correlation between baking and being openly gay (for bitty) as a kind of... causation? like, maybe he can get more confident about himself if he embraces baking too. is this good logic? i actually have no idea dex is tired let him live

so anyway that’s what has him, only about a month into his first semester (listen everyone on the team is so goddamn supportive of bitty and dex sees how much he loves being here and!! he wants that too!!! so yes he gives up on the whole ‘repress’ thing very fast), poking his head into the kitchen when he hears bitty opening and closing the fridge in a pattern that means he’s getting out ingredients and asking if he wants help

bitty is all in favor of literally anything dex does that isn’t fighting with nursey and he’s also glad that dex is seeking him out, because come on bitty has heard from nursey about the adventure with the samwell republicans sticker and even though it’s gone now he can’t help being a little concerned?

so dex asking if he can help with the baking is good for both of them honestly

bitty immediately sets him to cutting up fruit and they talk a bit as they work but mostly it’s just kind of a comfortable quiet (not silence because bitty’s got some music playing, but quiet is different entirely)

bitty eventually finds out through some subtle comments on dex’s part that his family is absolutely rampant with toxic masculinity and homophobia and that for dex, literally baking in and of itself, not just slice and bake cookies but actually baking something from scratch and spending time in the kitchen willingly, is an act of rebellion

it’s a lot easier for dex to find out that bitty’s relationship with his parents is a tiny bit strained because he’s not out at home, because bitty talks about his mother so much that it’s easy to infer. sometimes he tells dex about something his father did that his mother told him about. he never seems to talk to his father though

so baking becomes a kind of... alliance, i guess? the two of them are united. bitty does have his suspicions about why, perhaps, dex is so keen on getting to know bitty in particular-- his comments about the homophobia in his family make bitty even more suspicious-- but he doesn’t say anything. that’s not for him to ask about.

(chowder and nursey know that dex bakes with bitty a lot. chowder is glad because it means the baked goods get produced faster and he’s also glad that dex is spending time with bitty because he always seems more relaxed afterwards and it really does help stop him and nursey from fighting. nursey is intrigued because he’d thought after taddy tour (and after the first couple weeks of their first year) that dex would avoid bitty like the plague. he’s curious enough to accept that maybe dex has hidden depths. that also helps with the fighting.)

when they go home for winter break, dex and bitty agree to contact each other if they need to vent or just talk to someone they can relax around. neither of them has any legit emergencies, but they do text a lot and call each other a few times. bitty sends a picture of a pie, dex responds with ‘god i wish it’s so weird not being in the kitchen all the time. my brother gives me weird looks’ and bitty immediately starts compiling recipes for them to make as soon as they’re back at samwell

dex fixes the oven for the first time of many and bitty is so thrilled that he just kind of throws his arms around dex, who freezes for a second before letting himself hug bitty too (honestly i don’t remember if this happens before or after winter break but either way. same thing applies)

and in spring semester dex becomes fully aware that he has a problem. which is that spending time in the kitchen has changed from a hope that it’ll help him feel able to be more open to just wanting to see bitty, and be around bitty, and hear bitty’s voice and the casual endearments he throws around like they’re nothing and the way he puts a tense hand on dex’s arm while they’re both watching the oven to see if it’s going to actually preheat, and his smile and compliments when dex does something right and the way he flicks water at dex right after he washes his hands to get him to laugh, and the way he slides on oven mitts with the same calm efficiency that he steps onto the ice for warmups and dex is fucked. okay?? he’s fucked. the whole reason he’d been wary of bitty in the beginning was because he was worried about falling for him and guess what??? he did

but at the same time, dex can’t make himself shove it down. he’s still not out at samwell, but he’s getting to a point where he feels like he might be comfortable with that. bitty is probably tied with chowder for being his closest friend. dex can’t find it in himself to push all of that away.

as for bitty, he’s gone from being pleasantly surprised that dex is a fairly quick learner in the kitchen to looking forward to baking with him. dex always relaxes when he’s there, and bitty is sure that dex doesn’t know this, but he’s beautiful when he’s not so goddamn stressed. but at the same time, bitty knows dex is Going Through It with regards to sexuality-- he’s gone from being suspicious that maybe dex isn’t straight to knowing it but still waiting for dex to say something himself. so he keeps those thoughts to himself but it’s nice to see dex smile. especially when bitty knows he caused that

also dex keeps fixing the oven over and over and bitty knows that dex bakes a lot too so like. he has selfish reasons to fix the oven? but dex will LEAP to fix the oven if something is wrong with it and when he figures it out he always gives bitty this relieved smile that bitty is finding makes him increasingly flustered.

in the midst of all of this, dex is consulting with the upperclassmen about the best kind of oven to get bitty for his birthday. it’s a little over a month away, but between jack, ransom, and dex, they’re probably going to be incredibly overprepared because it’s what they do

in early april, dex pushes a bowl of sliced cherries over to bitty and says, ‘i’m gay.’ and bitty leaves the cherries where they are and hugs dex as tightly as he can, because he knows how long it’s taken dex to be ready to say that and he knows that in not very long, they’re both going home to places where they don’t know if they can ever say that

they stand there like that for a while, and dex doesn’t cry, but he almost does, and that’s when he says, okay, let’s bake this pie. and bitty agrees. (when it’s cooled, they eat almost half of it themselves before telling anyone else there’s pie)

baking together feels just a tiny bit different after that. not bad-- not bad at all. just a bit different. dex coming out changes their dynamic a little, because it means bitty finally lets himself acknowledge that he’s kind of got a huge crush on him, and then bitty basically can’t stop the endearments from coming out of his mouth. he tries to keep it to things he also says to the rest of the team-- mostly ‘hon’ and such-- but dex catalogues every sweetheart that slips out, and he knows he blushes, and both of them can’t help but feel that they’re dancing around something

then bitty’s birthday arrives, and dex installs the oven as quickly as he can while still double- and triple-checking things, and he’s just standing up and packing his toolbox back up when bitty and nursey enter the kitchen, and dex can’t help but blush when bitty looks at him like he hung the moon

and then bitty hugs him and dex hugs him back so hard that bitty is lifted off of the ground, and the rest of the team looks at each other like are you seeing this too??? because literally none of them noticed anything except that dex likes baking almost as much as bitty does. nobody realized there might be another reason lol

and both of them, independently, think that this might be the moment. but then the moment passes, and then they’re taking finals and getting ready to go home for the summer, and dex and bitty make the same promise they did over winter break but there’s more of a sense of urgency about it.

at first, they call each other once a week, just to keep up. bitty learns dex has taken to hanging out with his high school sort of-girlfriend, who’s got super short hair now and introduces him to hayley kiyoko’s music, and his family probably thinks they’re dating again but mostly they just wander around when neither of them has work, or they hang out in each other’s rooms (with the doors open, because of household rules). in july, she whispers to dex about her girlfriend in new hampshire and dex, that night when both of them are at home, texts her about his... well, bitty. whatever he and bitty are to each other (he also shows her a picture of bitty and she’s like oh he’s cute and dex is like yeah he really is)

the first person dex sees when he gets back to campus that august is chowder, who’s on his way to the haus after walking with farmer to the volleyball house. they’d been on the same flight back and have spent the whole last week together, along with plenty of other visits and trips with each other over the whole summer, and dex’s whole chest aches with how much he wants that. and yeah, it’s different for chowder and farmer, who live an hour away from each other in california and can see each other basically whenever they want, but chowder talks about how much his sisters love farmer and how their families got together for the 4th of july and dex aches.

they get to the haus, and everyone who’s arrived has congregated in the kitchen, where bitty is making a strawberry rhubarb pie dex has made with him at least five times. it’s second nature to come into the kitchen and head straight for the counter. bitty passes him the filling ingredients without a word, but with a smile, and keeps going. (the rest of the team trade looks)

but dex feels daring. all that talking to chowder about farmer has made him envious. so later, when most of the team is in the living room chatting about their summers and bitty’s headed upstairs to plug his phone in, dex slips out of the living room, heads upstairs, and knocks on bitty’s door. and bitty opens it and puts a hand on dex’s arm almost automatically when he asks how his summer was, and maybe that’s why dex feels bold enough to say, ‘it was okay. but i missed you.’

and bitty smiles softly at him and says, ‘i missed you too.’

the next time they’re watching the oven to make sure it preheats-- the new oven is actually functional, so it’s more habit than anything-- dex feels bitty’s hand slip into his own, and he immediately looks at bitty, who’s determinedly looking at the oven, and squeezes his hand. and then bitty looks at him, and dex can’t help but smile

some headcanons:

dex is a master of identifying when someone is aiming to check bitty during a game and immediately just. getting in their way. he’s very obstinate

does dex enable bitty’s procrastibaking? more than he wants to. he’s fully aware when he gives in that he probably shouldn’t, but it’s very hard to keep bitty from doing something he wants to do

bitty always brings dex tea or hot chocolate or a snack if he’s studying or fighting with java in the computer lab. the other compsci majors are very jealous

bitty is also a great sounding board for dex when he’s trying to figure out how to solve problems. explaining the problem to someone who doesn’t know anything about coding is a time-honored tactic of programmers everywhere and bitty is always willing to listen

winter trips to murder stop ‘n shop inevitably result in bitty walking as close to dex as is physically possible. (’it’s COLD’ ‘sure it is’)

the kitchen becomes the place where people can automatically find both of them. they’re just there all the time

flannel stealing? flannel stealing. they always find their way back into dex’s possession soon enough, but not before bitty’s worn them enough that they smell like him

lardo gives her dibs to nursey because dex basically lives at the haus already anyway. he does still wind up converting the basement into another room though because he needs a place where he can get work done and any room that bitty’s in isn’t conducive to that. yes it still has a steam shower because dex is extra as fuck

with regard to fining the rest of the team, they absolutely have a good cop/bad cop routine worked out. who is which depends on the day

chowder: bitty’s officially gone mad with power. dex: yeah i kinda like it. chowder: keep it in your pants